


The Boy Next Door

by kyungception



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Comedy, Fluff, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-05
Updated: 2018-03-23
Packaged: 2019-01-09 09:31:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 53,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12273666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyungception/pseuds/kyungception
Summary: Kyungsoo finds out the hot guy who just moved in next door is a pornstar.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the movie The Girl Next Door

“Fuck,” Kyungsoo mutters, biting his bottom lip. **  
**

He’s close. He’s so fucking close.

“C’mon,” his voice builds up from a whisper, increasing in volume every time he repeats the word like a mantra to spur himself on.

Sweat begins to drip from his forehead, his pulse rises, the beat of his heart accelerates in his chest until it’s loud enough to fill his ears.

“Almost there.”

The speed of his hands increases, his fingers working impossibly fast. It’s just one last spurt now.

“Yes, yes, I’m gonna-” he begins as he stands up from his chair, finding it impossible to sit still as he feels the rush of adrenaline coming on. Finally, he thinks.

“Oh my god, oh my god,” his voice is raspy, a result from his mouth and throat having gone dry with all the excitement.

“Oh my god- fucking- YES!” he downright screams into the dead of night as he finally crosses the finish line.

He collapses back into his chair, his whole body shaking, a huge smile blooming on his face as the controller slips from his sweaty hands and falls onto his lap.

“I did it,” he says breathlessly, clenching his fist in a pose of victory.

He finally finished the level he’s been trying to beat for weeks. He can’t wait to brag to Baekhyun and Chanyeol about this.

“Kyungsoo!”

He jumps in surprise when his dad calls his name, voice lined with anger, but still low enough to not wake up his mom as well.

“It’s 3 a.m., keep it down!”

Kyungsoo clears his throat.

“You know, most kids my age are probably out somewhere partying and puking their guts out from the ridiculous amount of alcohol they’ve consumed. I’m sure their parents would be envious of you for having a son like me.”

Kyungsoo’s dad rolls his eyes at that. He’s never understood his sense of humor.

“Why can’t I just have a normal child like everyone else?” He asks himself when he closes the door and heads back to bed.

Kyungsoo opens his mouth, but the apology dies on his lips. It wouldn’t make much of a difference anyway.

He rubs his eyes, feeling a bit sleepy now that his body has calmed down. He slips off his sweatpants which he hasn’t changed out of all day and almost trips over an empty bottle of Coke on his way to turn off the TV.

And then he notices something.

Something’s different.

His room is faintly illuminated by the light from the room across from his own; a room in a house that hasn’t been occupied for months.

He didn’t realize they had new neighbors.

There’s no curtains on the window and it’s close enough for Kyungsoo to see inside. The bed right next to the window looks freshly made. There’s several moving boxes scattered across the room and the bathroom door stands open.

And there’s a boy.

He searches for something in his belongings and throws it on the bed when he finds it. Kyungsoo can’t tell what it is, it looks like a tube, maybe some kind of lotion. The boy closes the box and stacks it on top of another one, cleaning up a bit, probably too tired to unpack at this hour.

He looks roughly his own age, maybe even a year older. He’s tall and slim, his looks handsome enough to have just stepped out of one of those fashion magazine.

There’s something about him.

Kyungsoo doesn’t know what it is, but for some reason he can’t stop staring. He unconsciously walks closer to his window, trying to get a better look. He’s usually not attracted to your average good-looking guy, it’s not his type, yet somehow he’s completely intrigued by this stranger. It’s not just that he can’t tear his eyes away, but there’s this funny feeling in his chest that he can’t quite explain. It’s not love at first sight, that’s for damn sure, because that’s unrealistic bullshit. He probably just feels weird because it’s late and he’s had too much caffeine, that makes more sense.

It doesn’t help when the boy stretches and continues to strip off his shirt, revealing tan skin. His physique is athletic, his biceps and abs well-defined enough to be visible, but he’s not overly buff. ‘God, he’s beautiful,’ Kyungsoo thinks as he watches him bend over to pick his jeans up from the floor, the position accentuating the curve of his ass perfectly.

He lies down on his bed, on top of the covers, the room dimly lit now that he only has the lamp on his nightstand turned on. His hand travels across his torso from his stomach to his chest, then back down to his crotch. He rubs himself through his boxer briefs while his other hand continues to roam his body.

Kyungsoo swallows, even though his mouth and throat seem to be devoid of moisture once again, as the stranger slides off his underwear. He soon realizes that the mysterious product from earlier is actually lube. The boy squeezes some of it onto his hand and continues to spread it on his hardening length, licking his lips as he does.

This has got to be a dream. Because realistically, what are the odds of the hottest guy Kyungsoo has ever laid eyes on moving in next door and that he just so happens to be masturbating right in the middle of the room, giving him the most perfect view? Yeah, this is definitely a dream, Kyungsoo decides. A fucking fantastic dream. He mentally gives his subconscious a pat on the back.

The stranger takes his time as he pleases himself, touching himself all over, his hand only occasionally stroking his erection.

Kyungsoo’s blood has definitely rushed south by now, but he doesn’t care to do anything about it. The option doesn’t even occur to him, he’s too hypnotized by the movements of the other male’s hands as they caress and massage his glistening skin.

Kyungsoo becomes more and more enthralled as the man begins to stroke himself faster, his hips grinding up into his hand in smooth movements that make Kyungsoo feel little jolts of electricity all throughout his body.

He fists his cock more rapidly now, almost frantic to push himself over the edge, and Kyungsoo can feel it, even though he’s just standing there motionless in his own room, he can feel the thrill of the heat rising as he watches the stranger squirm beneath his own touch.

He swears he can almost hear the boy’s moans that leave his parted lips when he spills all over his hand, stomach and chest, his face contorting in ecstasy, and despite the fact that the image is lewd, it’s still the most beautiful thing Kyungsoo has ever witnessed.

The man lets his head fall back onto the pillow, his expression turning into one of content, eyes closed as he takes a deep breath before letting it go.

He looks at his dirtied hand and then freezes for a moment, keeping completely still right before his head snaps to the side and his eyes land directly on Kyungsoo.

Fuck.

Kyungsoo’s heart stops in his chest for a moment and he immediately drops to his feet, cowering underneath the window sill.

Maybe he didn’t see him. But who the fuck is he kidding, of fucking course he fucking saw him, he was looking right at him, for fuck’s sake. Then again, hasn’t he already established that this is all just a dream? He wants to look up, just to be sure, but he’s too scared he might be wrong. He decides to call it a night and crawls over to his bed, promptly hitting his head on the sill while doing so.

When he makes it to his bed, the room is completely dark except for the moonlight. He checks the clock on his phone. 3:48. He laughs to himself as he takes off his glasses and places them on his nightstand.

This was definitely too good to be true.

He’s already asleep when the light from next door shines into his room once again.


	2. The Morning After

Kyungsoo checks the time on his phone when he wakes up. 

Noon. 

Shit. He should probably get up.

He rubs the sleep from his eyes as he stumbles down the stairs and into the kitchen in his boxers and a shirt he's worn for the past three days. 

The fridge doesn't have much exciting for him to offer as usual, he realizes. _Cereal it is_ , he thinks, ruffling his hair. 

"Hello."

Kyungsoo barely registers the voice as he pours himself a bowl of fruit loops and absentmindedly replies with a quick "Hi."

He drops the box a few seconds later when he realizes. 

The boy from last night.

He's standing in his kitchen.

Kyungsoo stares at him with wide eyes as the boy picks up the box of cereal and hands it back to him.

"Oh good, you're up. Kyungsoo honey, this is Jongin, our new next door neighbor," his mom informs him when she enters the room and hands Jongin a carton of milk.

"Nice to meet you, Kyungsoo," Jongin says, holding out his hand—the very hand that Kyungsoo watched him masturbate with last night.

Kyungsoo keeps the handshake as brief as possible and returns his attention back at his breakfast, hoping that he's not red as a tomato. But even more than that, he hopes that Jongin didn't say anything about last night. He'd die of embarrassment. 

"Jongin, we're having a little gathering with a few other neighbors later tonight for dinner. We do it every month, it's a neighborhood tradition. You could join us if you'd like. Maybe you and Kyungsoo could get to know each other, or he could show you around. He's always very lonely at these things," Mrs. Do says, putting her hand on her son's shoulder.

Fantastic. Because this situation really needed more awkwardness. _Please say no, please say no, please say no._

"I'd love to."

_Goddamn it._

"Great, we'll see you then! Six pm."

"I'll be there," Jongin smiles a smile that belongs in one of those toothpaste commercials and Kyungsoo hates what it does to him. "And thank you for the milk," Jongin adds, holding up the carton before he heads out the door. 

-

Kyungsoo's dad gives him a surprised look when he stands by the buffet as numerous people chat around them. 

"What?" 

"You came downstairs by yourself on time without me or your mother having to drag you away from your TV or your computer."

Kyungsoo shrugs. "So?"

"And you're _dressed_ ," he looks at his son's attire, a pair of jeans and a plain black shirt, both unstained and unwrinkled. He leans forward a little and sniffs. He's almost shocked when he smells a hint of laundry detergent and deodorant. "Is the Queen coming over?" he jokes, or at least attempts to. 

"They're just clothes, dad!" And he's sure as hell not wearing them because of Jongin.

He gets forced into several conversations with his neighbors who are all at least two decades older than him and immediately regrets leaving his room. It's always the same shit. Complaints about boring nine to five jobs, gossip about people who are currently standing in the next room, the typical racist and homophobic comments when the topic changes to current events and of course, the two apparently most important questions that middle aged and old people can ask a male high school senior: "Do you have a girlfriend?", and not to forget the classic, "What are you doing after high school?"

"Oh, umm… well," Kyungsoo begins, feeling like there's a million pairs of eyes glued to him. Talking about his future—or lack thereof—shouldn't make his hands clammy, his throat dry and his heart beat double time, but it does. And if it wouldn't catch everyone's reaction, he would have already ran away.

Much to his luck the doorbell rings just at the right moment. Usually the sound makes him crawl under the covers, wishing not to exist at that very moment, but in this case, he'll gladly use it as an excuse to escape. 

"Hello."

Kyungsoo purses his lips and nods, for some reason unable to find a verbal response. He holds the door open, signaling Jongin to come in.

Kyungsoo gets himself his third piece of pie and sits in the corner of the room where he has been spending the majority of the past hour. He takes a particularly large bite when he watches how Jongin gets told how handsome he is for what feels like the fifteenth time. _Yeah, we get it_.

He decides he's had enough of this and enough of people in general and heads towards the stairs, but much to his dismay, he doesn't get past the third step before his mother stops him.

"Are you going upstairs already?"

"Yes."

"Do you plan on coming back?"

"No."

"What about Jongin?"

"What _about_ Jongin?"

"You two are the same age, you should be friends."

He rolls his eyes. "Not all people of the same age become friends, mom. Besides, he seems quite busy getting objectified by the female residents of the neighborhood."

"Aw, is someone jealous that he's not the only handsome boy around here anymore?"

"Mom, please."

Just after Jongin arrived, Mrs. Choi from across the street had complimented him on his looks while Kyungsoo stood right next to him, apparently invisible. Then again, what else is new?

"Jongin! Kyungsoo would like to show you his room."

_Oh dear god, why?_

Kyungsoo suddenly feels like his six year old self in elementary school, when he needed the teacher's and parents' help to get other kids to play with him. Because _that's_ a memory he wanted to relive. 

"I don't think Jongin would be very interested in seeing my room," Kyungsoo turns around, ready to make a run for it.

"No, I'd really like to, actually."

Kyungsoo's mom gives him two thumbs up before she departs to attend to the guests, and he thinks this might be the last time he'll ever see her, because he's pretty sure he's about to die from a heart attack. Either that, or Jongin will kill him.

Neither of them speaks as Jongin follows him to his room.

Kyungsoo barely opens the door before he begins to sputter hastily. "So yeah, as you can see, it's really nothing special. We should probably head back downstairs."

Jongin ignores his words and pushes past him. He walks straight towards the window and looks over into his own room, then at Kyungsoo. 

Kyungsoo gulps audibly. He suddenly regrets eating all that pie.

He contemplates for a moment, considering his options. Maybe if he goes for a really long walk, Jongin won't be here when he comes back. Or he could fall to his knees and beg for forgiveness. No, he'll just pretend it never happened. Yeah, that seems like a good solution. There's another thought in his head, one he doesn't allow himself to think, because it stems from the perverted part of his brain, and is also extremely unrealistic. He might save that one for later when he's alone.

Jongin makes himself right at home and sits down on the bed, eyes fixed on Kyungsoo. 

He hasn't checked the time, but he feels as though at least ten minutes must have passed like this, with Jongin's eyes boring into him and the silence deafening his ears. He clears his throat. He needs to say something before he goes insane. 

"Do you want to play… something?" He asks, holding up the controller of his Playstation, his mind suddenly void of any video game names.

Jongin snorts. "Funny you should say that. I was actually going to suggest for you to stop playing around."

_It's cool, it's fine. It never happened. Act oblivious, Kyungsoo, you got this._

"W-what do you mean?" Kyungsoo uses his doe eyes to his advantage, but to no avail.

"You and I both know what happened last night, don't play dumb."

Well, fuck. Maybe he can convince him that he has amnesia or something. He wants to bitch-slap his brain for only coming up with stupid solutions that really aren't even deserving of that term. He tries to think of what a normal person would do in this situation. Lying didn't work, so perhaps he can bend the truth just a little.

"Look, I know it must have seemed like I was watching you, but I just saw like a split second and then I looked away. It was an accident. I don't even remember anything."

Jongin crosses his arms. "Someone who accidentally sees something they shouldn't usually doesn't drop to the floor as if they got caught."

What the hell? Who does this guy think he is, some kind of behavioral specialist or something?

"You know you're not as good looking or attractive or handsome as you think you are," Kyungsoo scoffs defensively.

"I never said I was any of those things."

Shit, he's right. _Way to go, Kyungsoo._

Jongin leans forward a little. "Do your parents know you like boys?"

No, they don't. And he'd much rather it would stay that way, because he's already a loser and a nerd. He doesn't want to add even more to his parents' disappointment by being gay.

"Okay, fine. I saw you and I didn't look away. It was late and I was tired and I don't think I fully registered what I was actually doing because it just seemed surreal. I thought it was a dream until I saw you standing in our kitchen this morning. I shouldn't have kept watching. I'm sorry. It won't happen again, I promise. I'll keep my blinds drawn, paint the windows black and close the curtains if that makes you happy."

"I was thinking of a different solution."

"And what would that be?"

"You got to see me, it's only fair I get to see you too, don't you think?"

Kyungsoo laughs nervously. "You're not serious." 

Jongin's face is stern as the minutes tick by. Kyungsoo shifts around and hopes that he'll just get bored and leave because there's no chance in hell he's going to masturbate in front of him, especially not on command. Much to his dismay, Jongin seems extremely patient. 

Kyungsoo feels as though someone poured a bucket of cold water down his shirt when Jongin pulls out his phone. 

"What, do you want to film it too? Put it online, call it 'ugly nerd gets forced to jerk off'?" Kyungsoo asks bitterly. 

Jongin looks a tiny bit surprised as he looks up from the display of his phone. His brows furrow when he sees the intimidated look on Kyungsoo's face. He looks back down at his phone before his expression softens. His eyes briefly explore the room, the walls of which are plastered with movie posters, then to the window and back at Kyungsoo. He closes his eyes for a moment and puts his phone back in his pocket.

"You know what? Forget about it," he says before he leaves the room.

Kyungsoo sits there in a state of confusion. His hands shake and his heart still beats faster than usual. He remembers Jongin's question from earlier and instantly runs after him. Halfway down the stairs he stops as he sees him talking to his mom. They both look up at him. He wraps his hand around the banister, gripping it tightly. His stomach is twisted and his brain feels upside down and he thinks he might pass out because this really does feel like the end of the world. _His_ world, at least. He doesn't fully register when Jongin leaves and his mother is suddenly standing next to him.

"Do you know what Jongin just told me?" 

He shakes his head slightly as he stares at the ground. Telling his parents about his sexuality was never an option. He didn't want to lie to them, but unless he ever found a boyfriend, he really didn't think it was necessary for them to know. And realistically, how in the world would he of all people ever find a boyfriend? It was never going to happen, and so he'd never have to tell. He really didn't want them to find out like this, especially not while also believing that he's a pervert.

"Poor kid hasn't even fully unpacked yet. Bring him some leftovers tomorrow and help him out, will you?" She pats his shoulder and heads back to attend to her guests.

Kyungsoo stands still until his mother is out of sight before he sinks down on the stairs and leans his head against the banister. 

That was honestly scarier than any horror movie he's ever seen. And he's seen _a lot_. Holy shit.

He draws the blinds in his room before Jongin can reach his own and distracts himself by marathoning _Scrubs_ on his computer as he lies in bed. He can't help but wonder why Jongin didn't tell her. Or if he did, and she just chose not to believe it or not talk about it. He curls up in a fetal position with a pillow clutched to his chest and continues watching the show until he falls asleep.


	3. Good Night, Hyung

_God, just knock already, you idiot, it's not that hard._

Kyungsoo has been standing at Jongin's door for at least five minutes. And pacing. And turning around. And turning back again. Maybe if he waits long enough, Jongin will open the door by himself. He suddenly remembers his own record of staying inside for 16 consecutive days and decides that knocking is a good idea after all. Then again, Jongin really doesn't seem like the kind of person who would stay inside for that long. Shit, he might not even be home.

 _Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock._ The word starts to sound funny as he keeps repeating it in his head. Perhaps he can think of a good knock knock joke for when he actually does knock and Jongin opens up. No, that would be lame. He tentatively feels around on the back of his head, just in case there's an off switch somewhere, because god knows he could really use one. Nothing there. Damn.

He takes a deep breath and fixes his posture, then makes sure the pie in his hand is still unharmed (he's been fighting the urge to poke holes in it just to distract himself). Finally, he forms a fist, holds it up against the door and knocks. Ok, there's no one home, time to leave.

Kyungsoo turns around just when the door opens.

"My mom asked me to bring this over," he says, holding the pie out to Jongin. "She made it as a housewarming gift," he lies, not wanting him to know that he's the one who actually made it, or that he stress-bakes sometimes. When his mom saw the pie, she automatically assumed it was for Jongin and praised Kyungsoo for being so nice and considerate. He finds it strange how she tends to see such good qualities in him and felt too awkward to tell her otherwise.

"Oh, wow, thank you! Tell her-"

Kyungsoo's face scrunches up in a grimace. "Jesus, what is that smell?"

Jongin's eyes go wide with shock. He doesn't even answer and runs straight to the kitchen.

Kyungsoo doesn't quite know what to do, so he just waits awkwardly with the pie still in his hands until he hears Jongin curse and decides maybe he should check on him. He coughs from the smoke that hits him as he enters the room and the stench of burnt food really isn't helping either. Jongin opens the window and swings around a dish towel. He looks like a lost puppy as he stares at the pan on the stove in disbelief.

"What exactly were you trying to make?" Kyungsoo asks after a minute of trying to make out any specific ingredient from the remains of Jongin's cooking.

"Noodles," Jongin sighs in frustration.

Kyungsoo furrows his eyebrows. "In a pan? How little water did you put in there?"

"You're supposed to add water?"

He can't believe his ears. He looks up at Jongin who looks so clueless that Kyungsoo has to fight the urge to laugh.

"You just put them straight in the pan?"

"No!" Jongin says, looking extremely offended. "I put in butter, too!" He's dead serious.

And this time Kyungsoo really can't hold back his laughter.

Jongin rolls his eyes and crosses his arms, admitting defeat. "Ok, if that's not how you do it, then how?"

"You put them in boiling water."

Jongin's head shakes. "No, I don't want noodle  _soup_."

Kyungsoo almost begins to laugh again, but manages to discipline himself. "You drain the water when they're cooked," he explains.

Jongin is hit by a sudden wave of realization. "Oh."

"There's usually instructions on the packaging," Kyungsoo informs him.

"I'll remember that for next time," Jongin nods.

Kyungsoo takes another look at the burnt mess. He finds it hard to believe that it was actual food at some point. "You should probably throw away that pan," he suggests.

"Alright… I should go. Enjoy the pie," Kyungsoo says after a sufficient amount of awkward silence and turns to leave.

"Wait."

Kyungsoo looks at him expectantly. Oh no. Hopefully  _that_  subject won't come up again.

"I'm all out of food and I haven't had the time to go grocery shopping until I realized that today is sunday and nothing's open. Is there any fast food place or something around here?"

 _Phew_.

"Yeah, there's one not too far actually."

"Great," Jongin exclaims, barely letting Kyungsoo finish his sentence. "I need to take Moongchi out anyway," he says, looking next to Kyungsoo.

He follows Jongin's eyes and sees what he recognizes to be a rather small and fluffy-looking Shiba Inu looking up at him.

"How long has he been there?" He deems the question more appropriate than  _"Can your dog teleport?"_

"I don't know, a few minutes. Are you scared of dogs?"

"No, I'm just more of a cat person."

"You'll like Moongchi then," Jongin grins.

"Huh?"

"As you might have noticed he doesn't bark or wag his tail at strangers. Or fire, for that matter," he says as Moongchi innocently pokes his nose against Kyungsoo's ankle.

"Watch this though," Jongin crouches down. "You wanna go for a walk?"

Moongchi's ears stiffen at the last word.

"Yeah? You wanna go for a walk, puppy?"

He runs off wagging his tail and returns a few seconds later with a leash between his teeth which places it in front of Jongin.

"Good boy," Jongin praises, petting the dog's head. "Come on, let's go," he says to Kyungsoo as he opens the door.

Kyungsoo doesn't know when he actually agreed to come along, but he feels too awkward to say anything. And maybe he kind of, sort of, wouldn't mind spending more time with Jongin.

-

"It's really nice out here," Jongin says, admiring the way the sunset mirrors on the surface of the lake.

"Yeah, I guess."

Kyungsoo was kind of annoyed when Jongin insisted they get their food to go and eat elsewhere because dogs weren't allowed inside, but now that they're sitting on a bench while Moongchi plays in the grass, he really doesn't mind.

"Do you come here often?"

"I used to. Now, not so much."

"Why not?"

"I don't know. I've lived here my whole life, it's not that special to me anymore."

Kyungsoo feels a little sad about it when he thinks back to how much time he spent here as a child. He used to come here with friends and have imaginary Digimon fights; he remembers how they used to scratch the label off of those bubblegum tapes and pretended they were Digivices, as the actual official toy versions were too hard to come by. He'd come here by himself, too sometimes, if he got tired of being home. He'd even spend his whole afternoon here after school, just listening to music and thinking, imagining, escaping. But with time the excitement faded, the inspiration faded and everything became dull and mundane, and so he'd find other ways to escape, ones that didn't require him leaving his room.

"Are you tired of living here?"

Kyungsoo shrugs. "I spend most of my time inside anyway."

"I was inside the first two days I moved here. I started feeling kind of lonely," Jongin says, taking the last bite of his burger.

"It's sad when people can't stand their own company."

"That's not it. I like being alone, I just don't like being lonely."

Kyungsoo looks over at him as he slurps on his Coke. "I don't think I'll be much help with that." He moves his head to the other side after being stared at for a few seconds.

"You don't like me, do you?"

"That's not what I meant," Kyungsoo says, facepalming internally at his apparent talent of unintentionally offending people.

"Then what?"

"I meant you might as well befriend a rock."

Jongin looks taken aback.

"Come on, you're not that bad."

"There's a long list of people who would disagree." Like his parents for example, or Chanyeol and Baekhyun, his so-called ' _friends'._ Or anyone else at school really, the ones that actually know of his existence, that is, which he realizes isn't many people.

"What are the qualities people do like about you?" Jongin tries.

Kyungsoo raises his eyebrows at him. "What are you, a personality quiz from an issue of teen vogue?"

The question makes Jongin snort. "You're funny. That's something," he smiles at Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo holds the gaze for a moment, until he can feel his face getting hot and he stares at the ground, unable to properly comprehend Jongin's compliment.

"Anyway," he begins, unable to talk about himself any longer. "My mom said we're the same age. Are you transferring to my school?"

"No, I graduated early. I plan on going to college here. Goyang Academy of Dance, I'm sure you've heard of it."

"A school for dance? Something like that exists? Here?"

"Yeah, and it's quite renowned actually."

"So you… dance?" Kyungsoo suppresses the urge to ask him if he's a stripper, given his looks. He figures that if there's such a thing as an academy for dance, they probably won't be giving out degrees in taking off clothes, especially when the name sounds so prestigious.

"Yes," Jongin's eyes light up with excitement. "Contemporary, mostly, but I'm trained in other styles, too."

"Contemporary, nice," Kyungsoo nods, having no idea what Jongin is talking about. "What is that?"

"It's somewhat similar to Jazz, though usually it's much more emotional," Jongin explains.

Kyungsoo imagines him doing Jazz hands while crying. "Okay, then."

Jongin chuckles a little, sensing Kyungsoo's apparent obliviousness. "I'll show you some time. You must be graduating soon, what are your plans for after school?"

Just then Moongchi jumps into Kyungsoo's lap, unfortunately making it impossible to run away. His initial panic at the horrid question fades rather quickly, much to his surprise. Something makes him feel like it's okay to answer the question honestly for once.

"I have no idea. My grades are shit and I have no clue what I want to do with my life," he admits, stroking the dog's soft fur. "I think I'd rather jump off a cliff than have a regular nine to five job like everyone else," he feels nauseous just thinking about it. "If you're going to college and you have a house, you must have a job, right?"

"Uh, yes. But the house belonged to my grandparents and I have an audition for a scholarship soon. If I don't get it, I'm not sure I'll be able to afford tuition," he rests his chin on his knee, the look on his face much gloomier than before.

A few moments go by like this, with both of them lost in thought. These kinds of conversation always give Kyungsoo anxiety, but the dog in his lap is strangely calming.

"I see you two have become friends," Jongin comments as he looks back and forth between Kyungsoo and Moongchi with a smile on his face.

Kyungsoo halts his movements and looks at him as if he just got caught doing something embarrassing. He takes his hands off the dog hesitantly as he remembers that he prefers cats.

Moongchi lifts his head and looks at Kyungsoo, appalled at the lack of affection he's receiving. When Kyungsoo crosses his arms, he decides to waddle over to Jongin instead.

"What are you doing for graduation?" Jongin asks, cradling the dog in his arms like a baby.

"What do you mean?"

"Are you going on a trip, or doing senior pranks, parties, that type of thing?"

"God no," Kyungsoo gasps, fairly certain that Jongin just named half of his worst nightmares.

"Nothing special?"

"No, I just want to survive. That's quite the achievement I think, surviving high school," he nods to himself.

Jongin sets Moongchi down in between the two of them and bites his lip as he thinks for a few seconds.

"What's something you've always wanted to do but never had the guts?" He asks confidently.

Kyungsoo wonders why he isn't provoked by the specific question, and he's surprised that he doesn't even need to think about it to know the answer: Kiss a boy.

He'd never admit it to anyone, himself included, but he's a bit of a hopeless romantic. He's always wanted to experience the kind of romance he saw in movies, though in the movies, the couple is always straight. Gay and lesbian movies exist, of course, but they're either awfully made B-movies or heart-wrenching, critically acclaimed, controversial Academy Award winning masterpieces, which are great and all, but sometimes he'd just like to watch a cheesy romantic comedy about two guys falling in love.

"I can't really think of anything specific right now," he lies, thinking that if they had just come from the movies and it was 3 a.m. and he'd have had a beer, he might pour his heart out to Jongin and tell him his life story and all his hopes and fears. The thought seems incredibly comforting. It evokes a sense of urgency in him that's unfamiliar and rather frightening. "I should head home. I have school tomorrow," he says abruptly, collecting his empty cup and stuffing it in the paper bag before throwing it in the trash.

They both take one last look at the moonlight reflecting on the water before they leave, walking side by side with Moongchi trodding a few meters ahead of them.

"Hey, when you're done with school, will you go grocery shopping with me? Your knowledge in cooking would really help me out."

"I don't know  _that_  much about cooking."

"You know more than I do."

"Can't deny that."

They halt when they reach their street, right where they have to part.

"Just so you know, I really am sorry about the other night," Kyungsoo apologizes again, his tone and expression much more sincere this time around. "And thank you for not telling my parents."

"I should apologize, too. I think I must have given you the wrong impression of me. I would never out anyone against their will."

They exchange sympathetic looks and Kyungsoo feels that strange urgency again.

"Should I text you my school's address?" He asks, attempting to diffuse the tension.

"No, just text me the name of it, I'll find it by myself."

Jongin walks towards his front door while Kyungsoo stands unmoving, wondering.

"If you can find it by yourself, why'd you need me to find a place to eat?"

Jongin turns around. "I didn't. I just wanted to get to know you," he shrugs with a smug look on his face.

Kyungsoo doesn't have a response, but there's a smile on his parted lips.

Jongin smirks. "Good night, hyung."

A few more minutes go by where Kyungsoo just stands there, unable to grasp what just happened, or how he feels, or that Jongin called him  _hyung_. He finally heads to his house while smiling to himself. Some things don't need to be explained, he decides.


	4. After School Special

“Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo!”

Kyungsoo wakes up from his daydream when Baekhyun’s hand is dangerously close to poking his eyes out. He pushes his arm away with a look of disgust on his face. Just a second ago he was resting his head on Jongin’s shoulder with Moongchi strewn across their laps as they watched the sunset by the lake, now he’s back in the school’s cafeteria with two idiots sitting across from him.

“You’re really quiet and distant today, even for you,” Baekhyun says, stealing a packet of ketchup from Chanyeol’s tablet.

Kyungsoo shrugs. He stares down at his food, which he’s barely had two bites off, his thoughts too occupied with the events of the past weekend to be interested in food.

“Yeah, where are you?” Chanyeol asks.

He doesn’t answer - something that’s not out of the ordinary, especially when it’s a question coming from Chanyeol. Usually neither of them would care because they’d already be fighting about who does a better impression of their math teacher Mrs. Lee, but for some reason Kyungsoo can feel both their eyes on him, and now they’re the ones who are unusually quiet.

“Just thinking about something,” Kyungsoo states vaguely as he picks up his milk carton. “someone,” he adds in a mumble before he takes a sip.

“Who?”

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes. Why do they even care?

“Just… we got a new neighbor last week,” Kyungsoo tries to seem as casual about it as he can. He really doesn’t want to talk about Jongin to them. But he also really wants to talk about Jongin.

“Ooooh Kyungsoo’s in love!” Baekhyun singsongs with a grin on his face.

Kyungsoo furrows his brows. “What the fuck? It could literally be some 50 year old fat guy.”

“Isn’t that just your type?”

Baekhyun almost chokes on his drink when Chanyeol asks the question and they both begin to laugh hysterically.

“Fuck you,” Kyungsoo says as he throws a carrot across the table, barely missing Chanyeol’s face by a few inches.

-

Kyungsoo stares blankly at the numbers written on the chalkboard, none of which make any sense to him. Who the fuck needs algebra anyway? He decides to look out the window instead, at least that way he doesn’t have pay attention to Baekhyun and Chanyeol’s shenanigans next to him.

And there he is.

Jongin is leaning against his car on the other side of the street. He smiles when he sees that Kyungsoo noticed him and waves. Kyungsoo grins from ear to ear, trying to ignore the fuzzy feeling in his stomach and the fact that his cheeks are probably tinted a bright crimson.

He checks the clock. 30 more minutes. How is that even possible when he feels like he’s already been sitting there for an hour? Biting his lip, he looks around the room. Everyone is busy writing or paying attention to the front of the class, or somewhere lost in their own thoughts just like Kyungsoo usually is. No one would notice if he left right now.

He quickly stuffs his belongings into his backpack and sneaks past the last row of students towards the door. He’s halfway out when a crumpled up piece of paper hits him, the culprit none other than Chanyeol.

“What are you doing?” he whispers, both him and Baekhyun staring at Kyungsoo expectantly.

Kyungsoo just smirks. “Later, losers,” he responds and makes a run for it once he’s successfully exited the room, not wanting to keep Jongin waiting any longer.

-

“Where exactly are we?” Kyungsoo asks when Jongin parks his car behind a very industrial looking building. He sees the woods nearby when he looks around, not recognizing this part of town. Jongin has a mischievous look on his face as he removes the keys from the ignition.

“Just follow me,” he says before he gets out the car and walks towards the building with Kyungsoo following behind.

The area looks deserted, with no sign of a living soul anywhere near. It reminds him of the beginning of a bad horror film, or something dystopian.

“You’re not kidnapping me, are you?” _Great question, Kyungsoo, as if he’d actually tell you if that was the case._

The fact that Jongin enters the building through the backdoor has Kyungsoo a little concerned about the lack of a response, but for some reason he follows him anyway.

“I told you,” Jongin begins when he opens a door after having walked through a dark corridor. “I’ll show you what contemporary dance looks like.”

He walks over to the stereo as Kyungsoo looks at the dance studio, the walls of which are lined with mirrors on one side. The room has a much more welcoming atmosphere than the shabby outside of the building and he suddenly feels at ease, much less nervous than before.

Jongin does a few stretches as the music begins to play. He closes his eyes and takes in the slow melody, then begins to follow the flow of it with his body. The fluidity of Jongin’s movements is unlike anything Kyungsoo has ever seen before. He’s impressed at how he effortlessly stretches his leg up in the air, followed by so many pirouettes that he wonders how Jongin can just continue to dance without feeling dizzy. His face is expressive throughout, dramatic even. Kyungsoo doesn’t understand any of the emotion, he can’t connect with it or see where it stems from. He figures that’s just part of it. It all seems a little pretentious when he thinks about it.

Jongin breathes heavily when the music stops. He faces Kyungsoo, eager to hear his thoughts.

Kyungsoo doesn’t know how to tell him that he won’t be reserving a seat for a ballet performance anytime soon.

“I- uhm, I never noticed how long your legs are, heh,” he states, vaguely pointing towards Jongin’s legs as he scratches the back of his head in an awkward manner.

Jongin puts his hands on his hips and looks down at his body. He contemplates for a moment and frowns when he realizes that Kyungsoo doesn’t have anything else to add.

“You didn’t like it.”

“No, no, I just- I,” Kyungsoo blabbers, panicking in the moment. He pauses to catch his breath. He doesn’t want to lie to Jongin, it’s proved itself no good in the past, so he figures he’ll just stick with the truth this time. “Look, it’s just not my thing, I guess. I mean you’re great at it though, you’re really talented.”

He attempts to read the look on Jongin’s face. The last thing he’d want to do is hurt his feelings and hopes he doesn’t take it too personally. Why should his opinion matter to him anyway?

Jongin smiles after they’ve both been silent for a few moments. “I’ll make it grow on you.”

Kyungsoo doesn’t tell him that he thinks there’s no chance in hell that’ll actually happen.

-

“So now that you’ve helped me buy ingredients, you might as well teach me how to make something with them,” Jongin says, filling the awkward silence that has been hanging around for the past few minutes.

“It can’t hurt, but with your cooking skills, I worry it’s kind of hopeless trying to teach you anything.”

Jongin side-eyes Kyungsoo from the driver seat. He’s not sure if it’s in his head, but Kyungsoo has a feeling the car is slowing down.

“Anyway, my parents aren’t home, so we have the kitchen to ourselves,” he adds, hoping it will counteract the likely idea of Jongin throwing him out at the side of the road and making him walk home.

“Why aren’t we using my kitchen?”

Kyungsoo raises his eyebrows at him. “Do you actually have any kitchen supplies?”

Jongin meets his eyes for a second before focusing back on the road in front of him. He doesn’t have to say the answer to that question out loud for them both to know what it is.

“Also, Baekhyun and Chanyeol are coming over later,” Kyungsoo adds quietly.

He has only vaguely mentioned Jongin to them, and he’s uncertain about whether he’ll be leaving right after dinner. Because if he does, he thinks he might rather leave with him than hang out with the two of them.

“Oh, they are? I can’t wait to meet them.”

Kyungsoo looks down at his hands in his lap. He’s afraid he’ll like them better than him. Most people do, anyway. He’s pulled out of his thoughts when Jongin speaks.

“Can I ask you something? You say they’re your best friends, but it almost seems like you don’t like them.”

“Oh god no, no that’s not what I- of course I like them, they’re my friends, it’s just… they purposely annoy me a lot, I know they don’t mean it in a bad way, but I have days where it’s really hard for me to deal with. I sometimes feel like I’m the third wheel when I’m with them.”

“Are they dating?”

“No. Not officially, anyway. I wouldn’t be surprised if they told me they were.”

Jongin doesn’t say anything as he parks the car at the side of their street. Shit, he probably wants nothing to do with Kyungsoo now. He didn’t realize he talked to badly about the two of them. He wonders if he should try to clarify again. What if he’s a bad friend to them, and not the other way around as he feels at times? Maybe that’s why he doesn’t have any other friends. What if he’s actually an awful person? What if-

“Kyungsoo?”

He almost startles when he realizes Jongin is standing next to him, holding the door open. How fucking embarrassing. He leans forward and buries his face in his hands. Is there anything else he can do to make this night even worse?

“Are you okay?” Jongin’s voice is lined with concern.

He looks up from his hands and sees Jongin crouched down beside him, a worried expression on his face. How is he even going to explain this?

“Yeah, I’m just… an idiot,” Kyungsoo sighs.

Jongin looks at him perplexed. “What do you mean?”

“Everything I say and do somehow comes out wrong and I just, I- I’m sorry,” Kyungsoo says, feeling the need to apologize for his words, his actions, but mostly, himself.

To his surprise, Jongin responds with a smile. He puts his hand on his shoulder. Kyungsoo’s heart does something funny at the touch and he suddenly feels warm all over. He wouldn’t mind if his hand lingered there for a while or if it slid lower, along his arm until their hands would touch, and their fingers intertwined.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself,” Jongin says softly.

Their eyes lock, gazes lingering long enough to make Kyungsoo feel his cheeks going flush and his heartbeat accelerate. Jongins’s hand rubs his arm reassuringly, the graze along with his expression so tender that Kyungsoo feels like he’s just about to melt into his arms.

The moment is interrupted by the sudden noise of Jongin’s stomach growling. He looks at the ground and purses his lips, trying to hold back his laughter and Kyungsoo finds it endearing how he looks slightly embarrassed.

“We should-” Jongin begins, pointing his thumb over his shoulder at Kyungsoo’s house.

“Yeah.”

Kyungsoo gets up from his seat and is promptly pulled back by the safety belt. He closes his eyes and lets the shame wash over him for a moment before he removes it and gets out of the car silently. They steal a few awkward glances at each other, mixed with occasional chuckles that neither of them can hold back. And while it all feels a bit clumsy, it still makes Kyungsoo feel like they’ve grown a bit closer.

-

“You haven’t burnt anything or injured yourself yet, I’m impressed,” Kyungsoo comments after Jongin successfully finishes chopping up some vegetables as instructed.

Jongin ignores the comment. “So, what do we do next?”

“We wait until the rice finishes cooking.”

“You could show me around in the meantime,” Jongin suggests.

“Haven’t you already seen everything?” Kyungsoo asks, drying his hands with a dish towel.

“I haven’t seen the backyard.”

Kyungsoo agrees, unable to think of anything else for them to do. He really doesn’t want any more long awkward silences.

“So yeah, this is kind of it,” Kyungsoo says, vaguely gesturing around the area.

“Whoa you guys have a pool?” Jongin walks along the edge of it and looks down into the water. Kyungsoo wonders if he should tell him that it’s not an aquarium and therefore has no fish or anything else exciting for him to spot.

“We never really use it though.”

“You mean you don’t throw pool parties for your entire grade? I’m shocked,” Jongin says, a playful smile dancing across his lips.

“I’m glad you’re finally catching up on the fact that I’m a little… socially challenged,” Kyungsoo is surprised at his own words. It’s not something he’d usually ever admit to anyone, despite it being obvious, but Jongin makes him feel like maybe it’s okay and he can actually be himself for a change without having to hide.

“I assume you’re pretty good friends with your Wi-Fi though.”

Kyungsoo nods. “That I am.”

“You know I have to wait like a month until I get Wi-Fi at my place, and I’m starting to run out of mobile data, so…” Jongin scratches the back of his head and looks at Kyungsoo through his lashes, looking a bit like a lost puppy.

“So… what?”

“Since you’re such good friends with your Wi-Fi, maybe you could introduce me to it too?” His lips begin to form a pout and Kyungsoo thinks he looks way too innocent right now considering what he’s asking of him.

“You want me to tell you my Wi-Fi password?” Kyungsoo asks, raising his eyebrows in disbelief.

Jongin answers by flashing him the cheesiest smile he’s ever seen, reminiscent of that of a teen heartthrob on the cover of a magazine for adolescent girls. It still gets to him, just a little. But this is Wi-Fi they’re talking about and Kyungsoo doesn’t fuck around when it comes to Wi-Fi.

“Jongin,” he smiles back. “I’m not sharing my Wi-Fi with anyone, sorry.”

“Please?” Jongin asks, batting his eyelashes at him.

Kyungsoo crosses his arms and turns to go inside. He is not discussing this. “No.”

“Kyungsoo, are you ticklish?”

Kyungsoo’s eyes go wide and he can basically hear the _dun dun dun_ in his head, because he knows he’s doomed. He immediately denies it of course, which is just even more of an indication for Jongin that he actually is ticklish, extremely so, even. Kyungsoo gives him a look that says _don’t_ _you_ _dare_ , but before he knows it, Jongin’s hands are on him, tickling away. He hunches over in an attempt to protect himself and tries to hold onto Jongin’s wrists in order to push them away, mumbling repetitions of ‘ _no_ ’ and ‘ _stop_ ’ all the while.

“I’ll stop if you tell me the password,” Jongin giggles.

“I swear to god if you don’t stop,” Kyungsoo threatens, not sure what he’ll actually do.

“Come on, just tell me, pleeeeaaase?”

Just then Jongin finds Kyungsoo’s most sensitive spot: his armpits. Kyungsoo can’t handle anymore and pushes him off, a bit more forcefully than his earlier attempts. Jongin stumbles backwards and loses his footing on the edge of the pool. His eyes gape at the sudden realization and he grabs onto Kyungsoo’s shirt. Unfortunately it has the opposite of his desired effect and he falls into the water anyway, promptly pulling Kyungsoo with him.

“My glasses-” Kyungsoo gasps when he comes up for air, blindly splashing around in the water.

A few seconds later Jongin carefully slips them back on his nose and Kyungsoo relaxes, his movements slowing as he realizes just how close Jongin’s face is to his own, his lips looking even more plush and pillowy than usual with how they glisten from the water. Kyungsoo swears that Jongin is looking at his lips too and he’s even closer than before now, making it hard for him to breathe.

They both startle at the sound of the timer going off in the kitchen.

“ _Shit_ ,” Kyungsoo mutters under his breath as he rushes to get out of the pool.

He hurries to the kitchen with Jongin following behind. It’s not until he turns off the annoying alarm that he feels like he can finally take a breath.

Excess water drips on the floor. Both of them are soaked, their clothes feeling heavy as they stick to their bodies. Jongin doesn’t hesitate to take off his shirt. Kyungsoo can’t help but stare as Jongin leans over the sink, twisting his shirt in order to force the water out. He’s seen him naked before, but this is different. He’s so much closer now, not to mention wet. Kyungsoo feels himself getting a little too excited at the way Jongin’s biceps flex as he wrings out the shirt.

“You should take yours off too,” Jongin suggests, turning to face Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo looks at his lightly toned abs and _god, he’s even more perfect up close._ He feels extremely self-conscious about his own body right now. That feeling isn’t unfamiliar to him but it really doesn’t help having a guy who looks like he stepped out of any high school student’s wet dream right in front of you. And to make things worse, Jongin begins stroking his fingers through his dripping hair.

“Uhm,” Kyungsoo looks around the kitchen as he repeatedly pulls the wet fabric of his shirt away from his stomach. “Could you just,” he grabs a wooden spoon and gives it to Jongin. “stir the sauce? I’ll go upstairs and change real quick,” and with that he runs out of the kitchen, not giving him any time to respond.

He finds a pair of clean clothes somewhere in the mess of his closet and changes into them as quickly as he can after drying himself off, not wanting to Jongin to be forced to stay in his wet clothes for too long (and also not wanting to leave him alone with food for too long). He rubs his hair dry with a towel when the doorbell rings. Shit, he almost forgot they were getting company. He throws the towel to the side and almost trips over his own feet in his attempt to answer the door quickly.

Kyungsoo finds Jongin standing at the already opened door, still shirtless and wet. Baekhyun and Chanyeol stand in front of him with both their jaws dropped. It takes them a moment to notice Kyungsoo, but once they finally do, they stare at him in disbelief.

“I’m going to head over to my place and change too, alright?” Jongin throws his wet shirt over his shoulder, grabs his shoes and makes his way past Baekhyun and Chanyeol. “See you in a bit.”

Kyungsoo joins the two of them as they watch Jongin walk away.

“This is the guy you’re in love with?” Baekhyun asks.

“I never said I was in love with him,” Kyungsoo protests as if he hasn’t spent the past few nights considering the possibility.

“I’m in love with him,” Chanyeol says out of the blue, grinning like an idiot.

Baekhyun looks at him, sulking as if he just said something to offend him.

“What, like you aren’t,” Chanyeol scoffs.

Baekhyun cocks his head to the side and raises his eyebrows in acquiescence.

Jongin bends over to pick up the newspaper lying in front of his door. The way his jeans cling to skin gives the other three a view they won’t be forgetting anytime soon.

“Dude,” Baekhyun says.

Kyungsoo smirks. “I know.”

-

“Let me help you,” Jongin says, picking up two empty plates after they finish dinner.

“Oh no, you’ve done enough,” Kyungsoo directs his eyes at the other two. “Chanyeol, Baekhyun, would you?”

They reluctantly help him clear the table and follow him to the kitchen. Kyungsoo clears his throat after they’ve set down the dishes.

“Would you guys please stop staring at him like that?”

Chanyeol snorts. He crosses his arms and exchanges a look with Baekhyun, then walks past Kyungsoo.

“Sure, we’ll stop.”

“Yeah, you stare enough for all three of us,” Baekhyun adds, patting Kyungsoo’s shoulder as he heads back to the living room.

“No, I don’t!” Kyungsoo protests. He thinks about it for a second. “I don’t, do I?”

The look Baekhyun gives him really says it all. Ok, so maybe he does stare. But it’s not his fault that Jongin is much more interesting than anything else in the room.

“So Jongin, you said you dance? Can you show us something?”

“Sure. There’s not enough space here to show you the style I usually do, but it’s ok, Kyungsoo doesn’t like it anyway.”

Kyungsoo feels like an asshole. He didn’t mean it like that. It’s just not for him. He didn’t mean to upset Jongin and now he feels like he has.

“I’ll show you some hip hop instead,” Jongin says, looking for a song on his phone.

He loosens up his body as the song begins to play. His head is down, but Kyungsoo still looks at his face. He sees a smirk dance across his lips right before he begins to dance and he almost looks like a different person with the way he moves. It’s the polar opposite of what Kyungsoo has seen earlier; there’s no elegant, slow, soft motions like in the dance studio, the dramatic, agonized expression is gone too. Instead, there’s hard hitting, fast movements and he feels like Jongin’s face is doing choreography as well with how playful and flirty he looks. He ends the dance with a few repetitive hip thrusts to the beat of the song.

Baekhyun begins to clap and Chanyeol lets out an impressed ‘ _Waaah!_ ’. Kyungsoo snaps out of his trance-like state and joins the two in applauding Jongin’s performance. He’s not surprised when they get up and attempt to imitate Jongin.

“Almost! You’ve got to bend your knees more,” Jongin laughs as he plops down on the sofa next to Kyungsoo.

“That was really, really good,” Kyungsoo tells Jongin. His face still feels hot and he’s not sure whether it’s from the way Jongin moved his hips, how he bit his lip or the fact that he’s sitting close enough for their arms to touch. Perhaps it’s a bit of everything.

“You don’t have to say that. It’s okay if you don’t like it. I get it,” Jongin says, the smile on his face bittersweet.

“No, really. It was amazing,” Kyungsoo knows he often doesn’t sound very convincing when he enjoys something. After permanently being ridiculed for being enthusiastic about movies, he’s learned to conceal his inner fanboy to the point that he’s become cynical and almost stoic whenever anyone’s around.

“You really liked it?”

“Yes, I loved it,” Kyungsoo nods.

His heart flutters at the sight of the smile on Jongin’s face, paired with an almost shy sounding ‘ _thank_ _you_ ’ that makes it really hard for Kyungsoo to not throw his arms around him.

-

“One more round,” Baekhyun uncrosses his arms after a good five minutes of sulking and grabs the controller.

“You said that four rounds ago already. Face it, you suck,” Kyungsoo says.

“Aren’t you supposed to be good at this game?” Chanyeol asks.

“I am! Just one more round, I’ll prove it to you!”

Chanyeol grimaces. “Let’s just go. I still have to finish my history paper.”

“Fine. But this isn’t over! Next time I’ll beat all of you.”

Kyungsoo doesn’t comment. Jongin earns himself a glare from Baekhyun when he laughs.

A few moments later they’re out the door, leaving the the two of them alone. Kyungsoo feels intimidated by the sudden silence, despite them having spent time alone together before.

“You want to play some more?”

“No, my thumbs are starting to hurt,” Jongin says, flexing his wrists.

Kyungsoo turns off the TV, making the it even more silent without the background noise from the game. The room is now only faintly illuminated by a lamp in the corner.

“So about the Wi-Fi password,” Jongin says after a bit.

Kyungsoo chuckles. “You haven’t forgotten about that, have you?”

“No, I don’t give up that easily,” There’s a challenge in Jongin’s tone as he smiles at him playfully.

Kyungsoo instinctively backs away and already mentally plans out how he’s going to run to the bathroom and lock himself inside if Jongin attempts to tickle him again.

“Don’t worry, I’ve learned my lesson. I mean I won the most rounds, don’t you think I’ve earned it?”

“Let me think about this… hmmm. Maybe if you had won all rounds, but you didn’t. So it’s still a no. Sorry,” Kyungsoo shrugs.

Jongin gasps. “Alright, okay,” he snickers. He bites his lips and looks to the side, thinking. “I think I might have another idea,” he finally says.

“Yeah? And what’s that?”

Jongin’s smile fades a little, not to the point where he looks serious, but enough to seem sincere. He looks down shyly and licks his lips, scoots a little closer to Kyungsoo and focuses his gaze back at him. Kyungsoo swallows, unsure of what’s happening. He has a feeling that in a way he knows, but tells himself no. It can’t be. Because he’s, well, him. And things like that don’t happen to him. Especially not with someone like Jongin. He waits for a sign to release the tension, the punchline of this joke, if you will. But then Jongin’s fingers graze his own ever so slightly, the look in his eyes so gentle and warm that it’s comforting and nerve-wracking at the same time.

The rattling of keys interrupts the silence. Kyungsoo releases a breath he didn’t know he was holding in.

“Kyungsoo, honey, we’re home,” his mom announces.

Jongin draws back automatically, both averting the other’s eyes.

“Ah, Jongin! Nice to see you,” Kyungsoo’s mom says as she walks past the living room.

“Hi, Mrs. Do,” Jongin greets with a slight wave of his hand before he focuses his attention back at Kyungsoo. “I should get going, I guess.”

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo agrees.

He walks him to the door, confused by his conflicting emotions. He wants Jongin to stay. He also want him to leave, needing some alone time to think, to breathe, to try to rationalize what just almost happened or what they are, or if there even is anything to think about, because for all he knows, this may all just be in his head.

“Thank you for dinner. And for everything else. I had a lot of fun today,” Jongin says with a small smile.

“I’m sorry about the pool earlier.”

“I kind of deserved that,” Jongin admits. “Anyway,” he says after a small pause. “Maybe I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Kyungsoo nods. They look at each other cautiously, the tension from earlier still not completely resolved. Jongin tentatively opens his arms. Kyungsoo does the same and they loosely embrace each other, almost too carefully in what results in the probably most awkward hug since Draco Malfoy and Voldemort. But somehow it’s kind of nice anyway.

Kyungsoo stares at the door unmoving after Jongin has left. There’s too much going on in his head and in his heart and his stomach and he’s much too tired to figure out any of it. He looks to the side when his dad stands next to him, eyes fixed on the door, imitating him. _Well, this has been sufficiently awkward,_ he thinks to himself after enduring the silliness for another moment before he turns around and silently heads to his room.


	5. Party

“So?”

Kyungsoo looks up at a sweaty and panting Jongin.

“What did you think?”

Kyungsoo sighs. _Not this again._ “I told you before, I think you’re-”

“Great, but it’s not really your thing, yeah.”

Kyungsoo smiles sympathetically at him from the floor of the dance studio.

“You weren’t even paying attention,” Jongin says, a look of disappointment on his face as he looks at the phone in Kyungsoo’s hands.

“Are you mad at me?” Kyungsoo wishes he could appreciate Jongin’s talents properly. Someone should, because he sure as hell has a lot of it. He wishes he could just tell him that he loves it, but he’s not the type to pretend to like something if he doesn’t.

“No, I just wish you’d give it another chance,” Jongin says, wiping the sweat off his forehead.

“Why do you even care what I think?”

Jongin looks at him and holds eye contact for a few seconds before directing his gaze at the floor and stretches his hands in a somewhat awkward looking fashion, a gesture that Kyungsoo would interpret as shy if he didn’t know any better.

“I liked what you did in my living room the other night,” Kyungsoo says, wanting to see Jongin smile again.

“You.. you liked-” The way Jongin stutters confuses Kyungsoo. Isn’t he usually a lot more confident than this?

“You said it was hip hop.”

“Oh. Oh, you meant- right, of course,” Jongin holds his palm against his forehead before brushing his fingers through his hair.

The beat of Kyungsoo’s heart quickens. What else would he have meant? When they were alone? When their fingers touched and they almost kissed? Is that even what happened? Because it sounds far too good to be true. He’s dying to know if all the signals he’s getting from Jongin are really there or if he’s just making all of this up in his head. And even if that’s the case, it doesn’t change the fact that Kyungsoo wants to hold his hand, to kiss his lips and tell him how breathtaking he is.

“I have an idea,” Jongin smirks.

He walks over to the stereo and puts on a different song. The look of mischief on his face changes to a more serious one when a slow and smooth r’n’b song begins to play.

His movements are different from what Kyungsoo has seen him do before. It’s fluid, yet sharp at times. He recognizes both hard and soft elements in his motions. Jongin seems immersed in the music, his expression and his body corresponding to the emotional lyrics. Kyungsoo is mesmerized by it. Because he finally feels like he can understand it and feel his passion.

They exchange a wide-eyed look when the music fades out. Kyungsoo opens his mouth but closes it again when nothing comes out. He’s actually speechless.

“You know what, I’m not even gonna ask,” Jongin says, his tone bittersweet as he looks at the floor discouraged and goes to collect his belongings so they can go. “What?” he asks when Kyungsoo stands in front of him with a dumbfounded smile.

“That… was,” he begins, pausing to try a fitting word. “Wow,” is all he can come up with as he continues to grin.

Jongin stares at him confused, not fully comprehending Kyungsoo’s attempt at a compliment.

“I think I get it now. I could feel your emotion in it. I connected with it,” Kyungsoo can feel his ears going red. He’s not used to communicating how he feels. It’s scary somehow. But he wants to get better at it and he wants Jongin to understand so he ignores the heat that rushes down his back and hopes that Jongin won’t notice how difficult this is for him.

“You did? You did!” Jongin beams. “That was lyrical hip-hop. So it has the emotional aspect of contemporary but the movement is still hip-hop, which you seemed to correspond to a lot better,” he babbles, nodding enthusiastically.

Kyungsoo can feel himself falling for him more and more, seeing him this excited.

“I’m really glad I found something you like.”

Kyungsoo would respond by telling him how precious he thinks he is, if the thought alone didn’t want to make him hide his face behind his hands.

Jongin checks the time on his phone. “We should get going.”

“Where are we going exactly?” Kyungsoo asks feeling a little uneasy when Jongin parks his car in a part of town he’s learned to avoid over the years.

“I told you, I’m not telling you,” Jongin gets out of the car and begins to walk. He turns around after a minute or so when he finally realizes that Kyungsoo hasn’t moved or even taken off his seatbelt.

“Will you please get out of the car?”

Kyungsoo rolls down the window. “My mom told me not to go with strangers.”

“I thought we were friends.”

“Friends tell friends where they’re going.”

Jongin hesitates for a moment before he answers. “A party.”

Kyungsoo laughs. “Yeah, no.”

Jongin sighs. “Look, I know you’ve got this whole antisocial thing going on, but-”

“Asocial.”

“What?”

“I know everyone's got the two confused, but it’s actually _a_ social. If I was _anti_ social, that would imply that I was somewhat of a sociopath.”

“Fine, I know you’ve got this whole _asocial_ thing going on, but these guys invited me and since I’m new here I figured it might be a good place to meet people.”

“Okay and what do I have to do with any of this?”

“I didn’t want to go alone. I’m not exactly an extrovert either, you know. Plus, it might be good for you to be a little less asocial for a change.”

Kyungsoo crosses his arms.

Jongin crouches down and rests his arms and chin over the car door’s window. “Please.”

Kyungsoo shakes his head. “Why are you so good at that?”

“At what?”

“The pouty puppy dog eyes situation that’s happening on your face right now.”

Jongin grins. “Is that a yes?”

“No.”

“You hesitated.”

“Barely.”

“But you considered it.”

“And I decided it’s a no.”

Jongin purses his lips. “Have you considered reconsidering?”

Kyungsoo lets his head fall back against the headrest and exhales loudly. “This conversation isn’t ending until I say ‘yes’, is it?”

Jongin answers by opening the door for Kyungsoo, giving it his best chauffeur impression.

“Fine,” Kyungsoo groans as he gets out the car.

He feels more and more displeased the closer they get to their destination, the blaring music already too loud in his ears even from the distance.

“Jongin! You made it!” Park Chunso says, giving Jongin a handshake. It’s the kind where you sort of half-hug the other person and bump opposing shoulders, super masculine of course, to maintain maximum bro-ness.

“I hope it’s okay that I brought a friend. This is Kyungsoo.”

Chunso doesn’t say hi, and neither does Kyungsoo. If he had known it was his party, he most definitely would absolutely not have come under any circumstances. He fucking hates that prick, and the feeling is mutual since this asshole apparently thinks Kyungsoo’s name is ‘faggot’.

“Look, man, you probably didn’t know, but that guy’s a fag.”

Yup, there it is again.

“I- I’m sorry, what?” Jongin responds, sounding confused.

“Yeah. I’m surprised you haven’t noticed, since it’s pretty obvious, but hey, I get it, you’re new here. Honest mistake. Now you know.”

Jongin doesn’t respond.

“I can hear you, by the way,” Kyungsoo says, wearing a smile that says ‘ _fuck you_ ’.

“Then why don’t you take the hint and leave, faggot?”

Kyungsoo laughs. “Is that the only word you know?”

“Don’t test me, homo. I have no problem shoving you inside a locker again.”

Kyungsoo wants to argue, but he knows it’s pointless, just like it’s always been. He puts his pride aside and walks away. He doesn’t need this. He doesn’t need to witness losing yet another friend and he certainly doesn’t need to see Jongin turning into one of them. And it’s sad, because he really fucking liked Jongin. He’ll have plenty of time to think about that on his way home.

“I’m sorry,” Jongin tells Chunso.

It doesn’t hurt any less to hear him actually apologizing to such an imbecile.

“I didn’t realize you were homophobic.”

Kyungsoo stops in his tracks. He hears Chunso laugh.

“Oh my god, are you a fag, too? Is he, like, your boyfriend or something?”

“What if he was? What exactly is your problem with guys liking guys?”

Kyungsoo can’t believe how calm Jongin remains throughout all of this. He can’t help but smile. Maybe he really is his friend after all.

He doesn’t know what’s gotten into him, but he feels a spur of something and doesn’t even think about it when he turns around and walks back with determined steps, completely unashamed when he blatantly interrupts the argument by kissing Jongin right in front of Chunso’s face. He can feel Jongin smiling against his lips as he kisses him back and it makes him feel like his heart is running a victory lap inside his chest.

They fondly smile at each other once the kiss ends and Jongin almost looks a bit shy, Kyungsoo thinks. The moment is almost perfect until he becomes aware about Chunso throwing in some irrelevant comments about how disgusted he is, and this time it’s a spur of something else that makes Kyungsoo tell him to please shut the fuck up followed by a punch in Chunso’s face.

His smile fades when Chunso glares at him while holding his cheek.

“I might not have thought this through,” he tells Jongin while keeping a careful eye on Chunso who now cocks his head to the side as if he’s ready to fight.

“Should we run?”

“Maybe,” Kyungsoo contemplates. Chunso cracks his knuckles. “Definitely,” he adds and they make a break for it.

Kyungsoo doesn’t check to see if he’s actually following them because he knows himself well enough to know that if he looked over his shoulder right now, he’d probably trip on a non-existent branch, roll onto the street and get run over by a bus, because that is just the kind of luck he has. He feels like he’s about to pass out when they make it back to Jongin’s car and hide behind it.

“I think we’re safe,” Jongin informs him, only moderately out of breath while Kyungsoo feels like his lungs might go up in flames.

Jongin begins to laugh after a minute, Kyungsoo joins in too.

“I’ve never done that before,” he says when they’ve calmed a little.

“You don’t seem like the type to punch people.”

“Yeah, not just that.” Kyungsoo can almost feel himself blush when he admits it.

Jongin smiles at him softly and then leans in, kissing Kyungsoo again. It lasts longer this time, now that there’s no interruptions. He likes how Jongin’s fingers make their way into his hair and gently pull him closer, making him feel brave enough to try to brush his tongue against Jongin’s lips. He lets Jongin take the lead then and doesn’t mind letting him prove how experienced he is at this.

Once the euphoric feeling from the kiss ends, Kyungsoo starts to feel the ache in his knuckles. “I didn’t think this would hurt this much.”

“Let’s go home and put some ice on it before it swells,” Jongin suggests.

-

Moongchi sits in Kyungsoo’s lap in Jongin’s kitchen. He pets him with one hand while the other rests on an icepack on the table.

“Is it feeling better?”

“A little.”

“I’m sorry. I really didn’t know he was such a jerk.”

Kyungsoo shrugs. “I’m used to it.”

Jongin clenches his jaw and balls his hands into fists. “That’s not okay.”

“Whatever, in a year I won’t ever have to see him again.”

“Still.” Jongin leans against the counter, crosses his arms and angrily stares at the floor.

“It’s mostly just empty threats anyway. Why do you care so much?”

“Because I like you.”

Kyungsoo is surprised to hear that, even after his earlier make out session with Jongin. He likes the sound of it. A lot. But at the same time, he doesn’t quite get it.

“Why?”

“Sometimes it’s not so much something you can explain, but just how the other person makes you feel. I like when we’re together. You make me laugh, you cook well, Moongchi likes you and he’s awfully picky with his company for a dog, plus, you’re really passionate about video games and movies… and your wifi connection, and you’re really handsome.”

Kyungsoo freezes. He’s not used to getting so many compliments at once. He’s not used to getting any compliments at all, actually. How exactly does one respond to those compliment thingies? Should he just say thank you? Or would that be too lame? Should he give him some compliments in return?

“I- I’m not,” he says finally.

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, you can’t tell me not to find you handsome.”

“No one’s ever told me that. Except for my mom, and she’s, well, my mom. She kind of has to say those things, doesn’t she?”

“Do you like it?”

“What?”

“When I tell you that you’re handsome. Or that you’re funny. Or that I’m proud that you stood up for yourself back there, or that you have the most amazing smile. Do you like it?”

“Stop,” Kyungsoo whispers, unable to hide the smile on his face that’s so bright that his cheeks hurt.

Jongin’s own smile looks a little mischievous. “In that case, I’ll tell you more often.”

Kyungsoo feels all warm and fuzzy inside. He doesn’t quite know how to reciprocate with the compliments, he’s used to just kind of being there and never contributing to any conversation or relationship, nor does he usually have any interest to do so since he feels out of place most of the time. But he really wants to let Jongin know. He carefully lifts Moongchi off his lap and walks over to Jongin and hugs him. He’s been wanting to make up for their last awkward hug. Jongin holds him close and he’s hardly ever felt this comfortable, like he wants to stay like this for a while. Jongin can’t see his face like this and it makes it a little easier for Kyungsoo to confess something.

“I like you too, Jongin.”


	6. Kiss Kiss

“What’s wrong with him?” Baekhyun whispers to Chanyeol sitting next to him on the sofa.

“I don’t know, but it’s fascinating.”

Kyungsoo diverts his eyes from the TV when he notices how Jongin keeps looking at the other two. He lifts his head off of his chest, arms still wrapped around Jongin’s waist and notices the somewhat timid and concerned look on his face. He follows his gaze over to Baekhyun and Chanyeol who stare at them as if they were the really suspenseful part of a horror movie, right before the jump scare.

“I-is there a problem?” Jongin’s voice is a little uneasy, almost as if he doesn’t want to ask the question.

He holds Kyungsoo tighter than before and Kyungsoo can feel him getting tense. Well great, he thinks, now his friends are making him uncomfortable, too.

“We’re not used to seeing Kyungsoo this calm, that’s all,” Chanyeol says as he grabs a handful of popcorn.

“Yeah, he’s usually surrounded by this aura of annoyance and passive aggressiveness,” Baekhyun adds.

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes, gives him the finger and looks back at the television, hoping the other three will do the same.

“Yup, there it is, that’s what he’s talking about.” Chanyeol points his finger at him.

“Oh. Maybe if you were a little nicer to him, he’d be nicer to you as well.” Jongin suggests.

Kyungsoo smiles proudly up at him and his heart does one of those weird things it’s been doing a lot lately whenever he’s around Jongin when he gets a fond look in return.

“Aww, how sickeningly adorable,” Chanyeol comments, wearing a huge smile.

Kyungsoo shoots him a glare. “Don’t you have to go?”

It takes a moment for the two of them to get the hint and they exchange a quick look.

“Oh gee, won’t you look at the time.” Baekhyun points at the non existing clock on the wall.

At the door he gives Kyungsoo a pat on the shoulder while Chanyeol winks at him, his lips mouthing out the words ‘ _get some_ ’ and Kyungsoo just hopes Jongin didn’t catch that.

“So,” Jongin says as they sit back down on the sofa.

“So.”

“We’re alone.”

“Looks like it.”

Jongin flashes him that irresistible grin of his before giving him a kiss.

Kyungsoo could kiss him for hours. And he has. But so far it’s mostly been gentle, slow kisses with an underlying fervor that comes through every now and then, but never fully takes over. And honestly, Kyungsoo likes it that way. He knows some might think he should be a hormone crazed teenager and want to rip Jongin’s clothes off and have sex the first chance he gets. It surprises even him that that’s not the case, but there’s so many things he hadn’t accounted for when it comes to having a boyfriend. Like listening to him talk about his favorite books, or listening to music together and not needing words to communicate because looking at each other is enough. Like holding hands as Kyungsoo rediscovers some beauty in a town that had grown so boring to him when he shows Jongin around. Like flirting through the window and making each other laugh, or cuddling on the couch as they watch Kyungsoo’s favorite movies.

As far as kissing goes, today it’s more on the playful side. There’s smiles and light chuckles in between whenever they pause to catch their breath or angle their heads differently. The movie on the TV is long forgotten when their hands begin to wander. Jongin decides to try something new then. He tilts Kyungsoo’s chin up with his thumb and index finger and kisses along his jawline and then down his neck, nibbling at the skin lightly. _Fuck, is he good at this_ , Kyungsoo thinks before he lets out a strange noise, something along the lines of a whine or a moan. He immediately clears his throat, hoping Jongin didn’t hear. But Jongin presses his face into the crook of his neck and laughs.

“I swear I never made that noise before.”

“It’s okay, I like hearing you.” His smile fades. “Unless it means you _didn’t_ like what I was doing.”

“No no no, I- I liked it!”

“That much, huh?”

“Shut up,” Kyungsoo whispers as he looks down shyly.

“Hmm okay, I will.” And then he’s kissing the other side of Kyungsoo’s neck, where apparently he’s even more sensitive.

Kyungsoo can’t help but let his eyes fall shut and release small sighs every now and then. He’s in a dream like state before the sound of a phone ringing pulls him back into reality. Is that his phone? No one ever calls him so he doesn’t really know what his ringtone sounds like. He pulls it out of his pocket to check. It’s his mom calling.

“What does she want? She never calls me.”

“You should get it.”

“Right. Hello?”

_“Where are you?”_

“I’m at Jongin’s, I told you.”

_“Sweetie, it’s after midnight and it’s a school night.”_

“Oh. We were watching a movie, we must have lost track of time. Yes. Yes, I’ll be home in five minutes. Bye.”

Jongin pouts.

“Anyway, where were we again?” Kyungsoo tries to kiss him but Jongin isn’t having it.

“I’d love to have you stay all night, but your mom’s right.”

“I don’t want to go to school,” Kyungsoo groans.

Jongin studies his face. “That guy from the party… he didn’t do anything to you, right?”

“No, he’d be way too embarrassed to admit that I’m the one who caused his black eye.”

Jongin takes his hand and kisses his knuckles. Most of the swelling has gone down, but it still feels sore sometimes.

“Do you want to do something tomorrow?” Kyungsoo asks when they’re at the door.

Jongin looks upset all of a sudden. His eyes are fixed on the ground when he answers. “I can’t. I have to work tomorrow.”

“What about after?”

“I need to practice.”

“Right. When’s your audition?”

“Next week,” Jongin says nervously.

Kyungsoo gives him an encouraging smile. “You’ll do great.”

“Yeah, hopefully.”

“I know you will,” Kyungsoo says, placing one palm on each side of Jongin’s face before kissing his lips.

“Now go before your mom comes over here and drags you home herself,” Jongin grins, trying to lighten the mood.

“Fine, if you’re that eager to get rid of me.”

“That’s not fair!” Jongin protests with the face of a five year old.

“Text me.”

Jongin pulls him back and wraps his arms around him from behind. “I will,” he promises. “Good night.” He kisses his temple before finally letting him go. 


	7. The One Where Kyungsoo Finds Out

Kyungsoo occupies himself after school by watching his new favorite show. Surprisingly it’s not comedy or drama, or even horror, no, it’s a  _reality_   _show_. A reality competition show, to be exact. And it’s not even about food, but about dance. Out of curiosity he had started to do a little research on contemporary dance and stumbled across several clips from this show, so he gave it a try. At first it was just the hip hop routines he enjoyed, maybe some of the quirkier jazz routines and sometimes even a broadway routine every now and then. The more he watched the show though, the more insight he got into how much dance actually means to the contestants. While showing the dance rehearsals, the choreographers and dancers talk about the piece, its inspiration, its storyline and its characters, and after a while Kyungsoo catches up; dance is an art form, a storytelling medium, just like the movies and tv shows he’s devoted all his passion to. Needless to say, the binge watcher that he is, he’s watched 4 seasons of the show now and he actually really likes the contemporary routines. Maybe it’s like an acquired taste, he thinks. There’s even been ones that almost made him cry and left him speechless. Jongin doesn’t know any of this, not yet anyway.

Kyungsoo starts his fifth season with the same amount of excitement as the audience in the audition theater. He imagines Jongin going up on stage, how he’d seem shy in his introduction and then blow everyone in the room away with his performance. He imagines the judges giving him a standing ovation and rave reviews, and how excited he’d be to get invited to the callbacks.

Kyungsoo knew Jongin had talent the first time he saw him, but it’s only now that he has gotten familiar with the medium that he realizes just how good he is. And he must be even better than Kyungsoo can really grasp, because while the show set a standard for quality in his head, he still has no proper understanding about technicality and difficulty from his standpoint as an observer. (Although he likes to pretend that he does, especially after hearing the judges’ critiques.)

He’d love to watch Jongin dance right now. He checks the time. 7pm. There’s a good chance he’ll find him at the dance studio.

Absorbed by the volume of the music that fills the room, Jongin doesn’t notice when Kyungsoo comes in. Something in the way he moves tells Kyungsoo that he’s not practicing any routine. It’s even more enthralling seeing him dance this uninhibited without even checking his reflection in the mirror. It’s raw and beautiful, perfectly imperfect. And even though Kyungsoo doesn’t know what’s going on in Jongin’s head, or what emotions bleed into his movements, it still evokes something inside of him, something he can’t quite put into words.

The light of the setting sun accentuates Jongin’s form as he moves. It’s one of the most beautiful things Kyungsoo has ever seen. So beautiful, in fact, that he can’t help but take out his phone and capture it, so he can watch it on days Jongin is at work, or late at night when he wishes they’d be lying next to each other.

Kyungsoo watches Jongin catch his breath for a few more seconds after the music ends before he stops his recording. Jongin turns around at the sound of Kyungsoo applauding him.

“Kyungsoo. How long have you been here?”

“I don’t know, a few minutes.”

“Hi,” Jongin says once he’s close enough to Kyungsoo to kiss him on the cheek.

“Hi,” Kyungsoo grins in return. A few weeks ago he probably would have hated himself for letting Jongin turn him into such a sap, but right now he’s way too happy to even care.

“I’d give you a proper hello but I’m all gross and sweaty.” Jongin looks down at his wet upper body, a drop of sweat falling from a strand of his hair before he combs it back with his fingers.

Kyungsoo clears his throat. “Yeah,” he nods, “ _gross_.” He’s not convincing anyone, especially not himself. He has to avert his eyes from the pearls of sweat that roll down Jongin’s torso with the rise and fall of his breathing, emphasizing the hardness of his toned muscles, so a certain part of  _him_  doesn’t turn hard.

“What brings you here?”

“I wanted to watch you dance.”

“You came to watch me  _dance_? Why the sudden change of heart?”

“I took some time to educate myself about the art of dance.”

“Oh,” Jongin chuckles. “And what is your conclusion, scholar Do?”

The playful smile on Kyungsoo’s lips is replaced with a more sincere one. He takes Jongin’s hands into his own before he speaks. “You’re amazing.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“So how can I imagine this? Were you just sitting there watching or were you tempted to try some moves yourself?”

Shit. He wasn’t expecting that question. “I uh- I just watched.”

“So you didn’t, like, I don’t know, attempt some pirouettes in your room or something like that, right?”

Kyungsoo’s eyes go wide. “Oh god, you didn’t see any of that, did you?”

Jongin laughs. “No, but we could change that.”

“Oh. No, actually in that case I definitely wasn’t doing pirouettes. I didn’t do any batucadas either.”

“Ooh, latin ballroom. Sexy.”

“And I most certainly didn’t try to krump.”

And that’s when Jongin loses it and doubles over laughing. “I need to see this.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Please show me.”

“No.”

“Please, Kyungsoo, please?” And there are those goddamn puppy eyes again.

“You’re laughing just at the mere thought of it, do you really need me to embarrass myself in front of your eyes.”

“Yes. Yes, I do.”

“Alright, okay.” Kyungsoo drops his backpack and stretches his arms. He might as well just go all out, as long as he’ll make Jongin smile. He deserves a good laugh, especially considering how much he practices. “Cue music,” he says, imitating one of the judges of the show he’s been watching.

Jongin presses play on the stereo and Kyungsoo closes his eyes to  _get in the zone_ or  _lose himself in the music_ or whatever an actual dancer might call it. He spins and prances around the room, tries to imitate some jumps before he tries some floor moves, all the while giving it his best dramatic facial expression. He finishes by directing his eyes and hand at the ceiling in what he deems the most iconic, the most overdone, the most hated move by the judges -  _the reach._

The way Jongin claps and laughs at him almost makes him indifferent to the humiliation he just caused himself.

“Wow! You’re a natural!”

“Yeah. You better watch out for me at auditions next week,” Kyungsoo pants. For a joke, this sure was exhausting.

“I’ll have to train even harder now, I wasn’t expecting such extreme competition.” Jongin hands him a bottle of water.

Kyungsoo takes a few sips before finally joining in with Jongin’s laughter.

He stays and watches him until it’s dark outside, occasionally snagging another video when he gets the chance.

Jongin is busy for the rest of the week, but promises to spend time with Kyungsoo on the weekend.

Kyungsoo has to fight the habit to stare at the window opposite of his own the next few days, since Jongin seems to come home late when Kyungsoo is already asleep. It’s a surprise when he suddenly gets a text close to midnight as he sits in front of his computer.

_Jongin: still up?_

He looks through the window and spots Jongin sitting on his bed.

_Kyungsoo: I thought now might be a good idea to start working on my essay that’s due tomorrow_

_Jongin: what’s it about?_

_Kyungsoo: how social media and electronic devices affect our communication, ironically_

_Jongin: sounds like fun_

_Kyungsoo: oh yeah, it’s pure joy_

_Jongin: I won’t bother you then_

_Kyungsoo: nooo please bother me_

_Jongin: haha nice try_

_Kyungsoo: :(_

_Jonhin: don’t worry, I’ll bother you extra hard tomorrow_

_Kyungsoo: I’ll look forward to that_

_Kyungsoo: jongin?_

_Jongin: kyungsoo?_

_Kyungsoo: I really missed you today_

_Jongin: I missed you too_

_Kyungsoo: hey do you think the distance between our windows is close enough for me to jump over and hang out with you instead?_

_Jongin: is this your way of trying to make me solve your math homework for you?_

_Kyungsoo: nope, don’t have any math homework_

_Kyungsoo: wait...do I?_

_Jongin: …_

_Kyungsoo: if I did, would you come over and help me?_

_Jongin: no._

_Kyungsoo: :(_

_Kyungsoo: why not?_

_Jongin: because I’m not good at math and besides, it would just turn into a make out session instead_

_Kyungsoo: what would be so wrong with that?_

_Jongin: you failing your classes, perhaps_

_Jongin: now go write your essay!_

Jongin picks up Moongchi and holds up one of his paws as he mouths the word  _fighting!_  It’s a little eye-roll inducing, Kyungsoo must admit, but it still makes him laugh.

_Kyungsoo: you’re a dork_

_Jongin: adorkable?_

_Kyungsoo: deal._

-

“I haven’t seen Jongin around in a while. You two didn’t break up already, did you?” Chanyeol asks at lunch.

“He’s busy.”

“Busy doing what?”

“He has a job.”

Chanyeol and Baekhyun exchange a look.

“Kyungsoo, what is Jongin’s job?”

“I- I don’t actually know.”

“You don’t know what your boyfriend’s job is?” Chanyeol raises a skeptical eyebrow at him.

“He seems to get upset every time he mentions it, so I don’t want to make him even more uncomfortable by asking. I guess he just doesn’t like what he does,” Kyungsoo shrugs.

He doesn’t know why Chanyeol finds this so funny, but before he can ask, Baekhyun elbows him in his side, to which Chanyeol reacts in a typical overdramatic manner.

The weirdness continues into their history class where Kyungsoo and Chanyeol sit next to each other.

“So you had salad today?”

What the fuck type of question is that?

“Yes?”

Chanyeol nods. “Nice. Does Jongin like salad?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“I bet he does. He seems like he’d be really good at tossing it.”

Kyungsoo rubs his forehead in frustration and shakes his head slightly. “What?”

“He must be  _top_ notch at that,” Chanyeol gins.

The look Kyungsoo gives him in return is as full of question marks as his head is.

“Really  _blows_ that he’s not around much lately.”

Luckily Chanyeol’s strange banter is put to an end when their teacher comes in.

“Kyungsoo!” Baekhyun puts his hand on his shoulder once he catches up to him in the hallway. “You’re not doing anything today, right? Let’s hang out.”

“Listen, I don’t know what’s going on with Chanyeol today but I doubt I can put up with anymore of it.”

“No, I mean just you and me.”

“Without Chanyeol?”

“Yeah, we can play Overwatch. What do you say?”

“Today is a really strange day. I’m still not fully convinced I haven’t fallen asleep while writing my essay and this is all a weird dream and I’m actually oversleeping first period right now.”

“It’s fifth period and you’re wide awake, buddy.”

“Can I slap you just to be sure?”

“No.”

Well, it was worth a shot.

“My place. After school!” Baekhyun points at him as he runs off to his next class.

Even when he makes it to Baekhyun’s house something still feels off. There’s a strangely excited look on his face and he rubs his palms together like he has some evil plan.

“Why don’t you sit down right here?” Baekhyun pats a spot on the couch.

“O...kay.” Kyungsoo reluctantly takes a seat, carefully keeping his eyes on Baekhyun. “What’s going on?”

“So glad you ask.” Baekhyun goes to get his laptop and sets it down on the coffee table in front of Kyungsoo.

“What are you-”

“Shh. Just watch.”

Kyungsoo grimaces when he sees the site Baekhyun has opened for him. “Pornhub? Come on, Baekhyun, that’s-” He can’t finish his sentence once he sees the video - or rather a certain someone  _in_ the video. Someone who looks an awful lot like his boyfriend. “That’s not him,” he states mindlessly.

Baekhyun doesn’t respond.

Kyungsoo keeps watching, hoping for something, anything that can make him confidently say that it really isn’t Jongin sitting butt naked on a kitchen table with some guy’s mouth around his cock.

“I-it’s not him, it can’t-” he can’t finish his sentence when the video cuts to definitely-not-Jongin bending the other guy over the table and thrusting into him.

“Sure looks and sounds an awful lot like him though, doesn’t it?”

“No, look, here’s what this is-” It’s hard for Kyungsoo to get the words out between the  _‘mmh yeah, you like that, don’t you?’,_ the  _‘ah fuck you’re so big!’, ‘faster’, ‘harder’,_ not to mention all the heavy panting and moaning. “You know in  _Friends_ when they all think Phoebe is doing porn and it turns out it’s actually her twin sister Ursula? That’s what this is like!”

“Jongin has a twin?”

“Jongin could have a twin.”

“Have you talked to him about his siblings?”

“Yes.”

“And?”

“He has two sisters.”

Baekhyun raises his eyebrows at him.

“No, but what if he doesn’t know he has a twin?”

“You’re saying Jongin has a long lost twin now?”

“Yeah, I mean his parents already had two children so when they found out they were having twins maybe they decided it’s too many children and-” Kyungsoo realizes just how ridiculous he sounds as he says it. “Ok, so maybe he doesn’t have a twin, but doesn’t everyone have like eight people or something who look very much like them? I mean this guy’s name is-”

“Kai.”

“Just Kai?”

“Yeah, apparently. He’s like the Cher of gay porn, I guess.”

“But- but Jongin’s name isn’t…  _Kai._  Jongin’s name is… Jongin,” Kyungsoo tries pathetically.

“You’re right, pornstar names aren’t a thing. All pornstars use their real names.”

“Oh god,” Kyungsoo says burying his face in his palms. It doesn’t help that possibly-actually-really-Jongin repeats his words in a much different tone a few seconds later.

Baekhyun sits down beside him. “I don’t get it, why are you so upset over this? I mean your boyfriend is a  _pornstar_  for fuck’s sake. It’s like you just hit the lotto.”

“Really? How would you feel if you saw a video online of Chanyeol fucking someone else?”

“Chanyeol? What does he have to do with this?”

“Oh please, you’re basically a married couple.”

“We’re not, we’re just friends.”

Kyungsoo gets angry now. He doesn’t have time for this. “Friends don’t make out  _every_.  _single_.  _time_. they’ve had two sips of beer!” He shuts the laptop, grabs his backpack and heads for the door.

“That’s just the alcohol!” Baekhyun yells after him.

Kyungsoo slams the door shut behind him and makes a mental note to get drunk, punch Baekhyun in the face and blame it on the alcohol if he complains.


	8. The Calm Before The Storm

Kyungsoo does his best to avoid Chanyeol and Baekhyun the next day. He skips lunch and snacks on a granola bar and some chips in between classes and tries to wash away his lack of sleep from the previous night with a red bull. He feels like a zombie by the time his last period ends. Baekhyun calls his name as he leaves the classroom.  _Fuck._ He skips going to his locker and rushes his way past the influx of students to leave the building as fast as he can. He doesn’t want to talk to anyone, certainlynot Baekhyun. All he really wants to do is go home, be alone, and pretend the world doesn’t exist, and people don’t exist, and Byun Baekhyun doesn’t exist, and that guy begging his boyfriend to fuck him harder especially doesn’t exist. Speaking of his boyfriend…

Jongin waves at him from across the street, in his usual spot where he’s waited for Kyungsoo several times before. Kyungsoo briefly considers pretending he didn’t see him and making a run for it instead, and if he wasn’t sure that he’d probably trip over something within the first two seconds, he might actually do it.

“Hey, you.”

Kyungsoo averts his eyes as soon as he sees the smile on Jongin’s face. He just can’t deal with his handsomeness today, not after last night.

“Jongin… what are you doing here?”

“I’m picking you up.”

“Picking me up to go where?”

“I don’t know. I asked you what you wanted to do, but you haven’t answered my texts yet.”

Kyungsoo stares at the ground before he can even get a glimpse of the pout that’s probably forming on Jongin’s face right now. How the hell is he supposed to spend time with him if he can’t even look at him?

“I uhm, I- I’m not really feeling so well.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Migraine. I kind of just want to lie down in a silent, dark room and sleep.” It’s not a complete lie.

Jongin carefully touches the top of his head to soothe him. “I’ll drive you home then.”

“No, actually I think I’ll walk. The fresh air might help.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you think you’ll be fine for tomorrow?”

It takes Kyungsoo a moment to remember. Right. Tomorrow. They had plans to go to the movies.

“Maybe. We’ll see, I guess.” He figures he should leave before Baekhyun catches up to him. “Bye,” he adds quickly before he begins to walk away.

“Kyungsoo.”

He turns around and finally really looks at Jongin’s face for the first time today. Jongin takes his hands  and kisses his lips. It’s gentle but lasts long enough to make Kyungsoo feel weak.

“Feel better, okay?”

The softness of Jongin’s voice and the kindness in his eyes make it hard for Kyungsoo not to melt into a puddle right in front of his feet. The kiss on his forehead that follows after is the final nail in the coffin.

“I’ll try,” he says, ignoring the lump in his throat.

-

Kyungsoo lies in his bed wide awake for the second night in a row. Each time he closes his eyes, the images Baekhyun had shown him haunt him like the face of the girl from  _The Exorcist_  had haunted him every night for a good two months after he had watched the movie for the first time at age twelve.

He finally gives up on sleep altogether and sits up in his bed, contemplating. Maybe he just did that one video, or maybe he’s just done a few. He could have stopped by now. Wouldn’t he have told him if he was still doing it? Then again, why does he never talk about his job? There’s one way to get closer to the answer.

He opens his laptop. It’s been a while since he’s visited an actual pornsite. It’s not that he doesn’t watch porn, he just prefers the homemade kind, which he usually finds through specific blogs.

 _Well fuck,_ he thinks. Because right there at the top of the page in the  _top trending pornstars_ section, there he is.  _Kai Kim, 12 Videos._  That’s what it says below the very naked picture of Jongin. He checks the time. 3 a.m. seems like an appropriate time to call Baekhyun and tell him he was wrong about Jongin being ’ _the Cher of gay porn’_ as he had called it, and just going by Kai. God, what an idiot. If only Kyungsoo wasn’t still too pissed to talk to him… When he clicks on Jongin’s profile he’s greeted by an even bigger picture of him. He tries not to get carried away by staring at his erection, though the angle makes it hard, no pun intended. Once he gets past that (and his abs. And his chest. And his slightly parted lips and that filthy look in his eyes that has sin written all over it), he takes a minute to read what his bio says.

_Ever wanted a guy who’s got the cuteness of a twink and the hotness of a hunk? Kai Kim has the best of both worlds, and fucks like a stallion to top it all of! When you first meet this tan-skinned korean Adonis, he might look shy and innocent, but don’t let his cute charm fool you. While polite and well-behaved in real life, once the camera is rolling he flips the switch and lets out the beast. One look from his bedroom eyes will have even the straightest boys’ meat cannons shooting their explosive juices all over their computer screens. In chinese, his name Kai means “to open a door”, and opening back doors is what he does best - with the universal key right between his legs and always ready to explore any man-cave. In his spare time Kai likes to dance to keep his lithe, yet muscular body in shape. His flexibility lets him to get into the trickiest positions of the Kama Sutra, allowing him to let his submarine dive into the deepest depths of the anal oceans that homo paradise has to offer. When he isn’t busy mercilessly plowing over the ass fields of gay porn with his flesh tractor, he also loves to suck dick - and who wouldn’t want those plump hot dog bun shaped lips wrapped around their sausage?_

Kyungsoo can’t even laugh at the sheer ridiculousness of that description, because that’s  _his_ boyfriend in all the videos listed below.  _“Kai fucks Xiumin”, “Kai & Sehun”, “Kai Solo”, “Kai Kim hot threesome”, “Dicks Over Flowers”, “Fifty Shades of Gay”. _He’s not sure he can handle any of these. But maybe he should watch one. Just one. Just to convince himself it’s not as bad as he thinks. Because that plan has worked so wonderfully until now…

He catches a glimpse of his phone screen lighting up from the corner of his eye. He’s not surprised it’s just an ad from some game he’s played like three times. But below that are two notifications he must have missed earlier.

_Jongin sent a photo._

_Jongin: check the window_

He unlocks the screen as he walks over to open the curtains. In the image Jongin sent, he’s holding a finger heart up next to his puckered lips and his eyes look so kind, a complete opposite of the other picture Kyungsoo had looked at previously. Jongin’s window has a piece of paper taped to it, with the words  _‘I miss you’_ and ‘ _hope you feel better~’_ written on it in big letters, a heart drawn on one side and what Kyungsoo presumes to be a drawing of Jongin’s face on the other. He can see Jongin asleep on the bed with Moongchi curled up in his arm. He’s noticed that Jongin sleeps with the light on quite a lot. He wonders if he’s afraid of the dark, or maybe it just makes his house feel a little less lonely. Perhaps he simply gets too tired and falls asleep before he can remember to turn it off. Either way, Kyungsoo can’t ignore the mellow feeling in his chest. He watches him for a little while longer before he responds to his message.

_Kyungsoo: you’re too cute_

_Kyungsoo: I miss you too._

Jongin’s hand searches blindly for his phone on the bed. Once he gets a hold of it, he opens his eyes to look at the screen, and then lets them wander over to Kyungsoo, smiling when he sees him. Kyungsoo on the other hand looks regretful.

_Kyungsoo: I didn’t mean to wake you up_

_Kyungsoo: I thought your phone was on silent, I’m sorry_

_Jongin: it’s okay_

_Jongin: how are you feeling?_

Kyungsoo contemplates. How  _is_ he feeling? Torn? Confused? Slightly traumatized? Kind of turned on maybe? Angry? In love? He’s a fucking mess of emotions.

_Kyungsoo: better_

_Jongin: good_

_Jongin: you should go to bed_

_Kyungsoo: yeah_

_Kyungsoo: good night_

_Jongin: sleep well <3_

_Kyungsoo: you too_

Jongin, with his eyes still half closed, kisses his fingertips and then reaches his arm in Kyungsoo’s direction before he adjusts his position and goes back to sleep.

Kyungsoo’s heart seems stuck on one particular emotion. He shuts his laptop without giving the screen another look and lies down, imagining him and Jongin falling asleep together in the same bed.

 


	9. Of Movies and Motels

_He’s not gonna watch it._

Kyungsoo stares at the screen of his laptop, where the site from yesterday is still open with Jongin being ever so naked.

_He is not going to watch it._

He’s finally been able to get a few hours of sleep in, though he can’t say his dreams were unaffected by last night’s pornsite endeavors.

_He._

_Is._

_Not._

_Going._

_To._

_Watch._

_It._

-

It’s a few hours later and Kyungsoo is on the last video in Jongin’s playlist. Or Kai’s. He kind of doesn’t even remember his own name at the moment. He’s been sat in the same spot, unable to turn off the video, leave the site, shut the laptop, or generally move any muscle at all (especially not  _that_ one). Deep down in his currently repressed thoughts and emotions, he wonders why the hell he’s doing this to himself.

 _“Are you cumming?”_ Jong- no,  _Kai_ asksthe guy he’s fucking with a mischievous smirk on his face.

Kyungsoo nearly jumps off the bed when the door to his room opens and he’s now seeing double vision with Jongin at his door and Kai on his screen. For a brief moment Kyungsoo is so in shock that he’s sure his heartbeat must have stopped and his eyes are as wide as can be, before he finally snaps the laptop shut.

Jongin looks suspicious. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, I just, I was watching a horror movie and there was a jump scare and then you came in and, hah, you know, I just kind of-“ he puts his hand on his chest and jerks up a little to mimic his earlier reaction. “Is it- am I late? I was watching in full screen so I kind of lost track of time. Is it already-“ he checks the time on his phone with a shaky hand. He’s about 15 minutes late. “Oh, uhm, it’s- oh okay, fuck.”

“Are you coming?” Jongin asks.

Kyungsoo feels triggered. His phone almost slips from his hand as he stares at him. Jongin looks a bit like a lost puppy as he waits for an answer.

Kyungsoo gulps. “Yeah.” He gets up and grabs some clothes. “Just give me a few minutes to get ready, okay?” He finds his car keys and hands them to Jongin. “You can wait in the car if you want. I’m sorry.”

It takes him three attempts to put on his shirt the right way.  _How on earth_  is he going to survive this date? He can’t just talk to him about it. Sure, it’s what a normal person probably would do, but Kyungsoo’s communication skills aren’t exactly superb and his preferred method of dealing with problems is to repress them until they either go away by themselves or become unignorable, so he has to find a way to put up with them and channel the subsequent anger into passive aggression.

He splashes some cold water on his face and looks in the mirror. “It’s going to be okay. You can do this,” he tells his reflection.

He heads downstairs and gets in his car where Jongin is already waiting in the passenger seat.

“Keys?”

He turns to Jongin after not getting a response.

“What?” He asks when the other just stares at him.

“I haven’t even gotten the chance to say hello to you properly.”

Kyungsoo laughs nervously before Jongin kisses his lips. And it’s not just a peck, but an actual long, slow kiss that deepens with every second; the kind that makes Kyungsoo feel like melting into a puddle.

“Hi,” Jongin murmurs when he pulls back just enough for Kyungsoo to see his irresistible smile.

“Hi,” Kyungsoo croaks back.

The drive to the movie theater is awkward as hell. Jongin tries to make conversation but Kyungsoo can barely pay attention. Just driving seems overwhelming enough for him at the moment. He responds with as little words as he can, sometimes even just with a laugh or a snort. Luckily they won’t have to talk at the movies.

“I’m going to get some popcorn,” Kyungsoo announces a good minute and a half after they take their seats.

“Five minutes ago you said you didn’t want anything.”

“I changed my mind. Because you know, you don’t really get that appetite for popcorn until you’re actually inside the theater, right?”

Jongin looks confused and can’t seem to think of a response.

“You want anything?”

“No, I’m good.”

After getting himself a large coke and the biggest bucket of popcorn available, Kyungsoo waits by the door and only goes back to his seat once he sees the production company logos on the screen, indicating that the movie has started.

“What took you so long?”

“There was a really long line.” Kyungsoo shoves a handful of popcorn into his mouth and tries to focus on the movie, hoping that Jongin will do the same, and won’t remember that the concession stand was literally empty when they passed it earlier.

Kyungsoo finds himself staring into an empty bucket halfway through the movie. He contemplates chewing on the leftover kernels, but figures that chipping his teeth isn’t going to help the situation. Instead, he settles for chewing on the straw of his equally empty drink. And if it hadn’t already been hard enough for him to sit still this far into the movie, now there’s a goddamn sex scene showing on the screen.  _Act calm,_ he tells himself. But he’s been fidgety the whole movie so it might seem weird if he’s too calm now, and if he starts fidgeting again, he might overdo it. Suddenly he’s so painfully aware that he’s in Jongin’s peripheral vision. He almost feels like he can read his mind. That’s ridiculous. Of course he can’t read his mind. Although he might be able to hear his heart with how fast it’s beating. He notices how sweaty his hands have become when he starts biting his nails. Why is it so hot in here? What if he’s going to pass out? He can’t pass out in a movie theater with all these people, especially not during a sex scene. He’d never be able to go to the movies again, and it would ruin sex for him. Then again, his earlier activities kind of already did that.

_Snap out of it._

He can do this.

Deep breaths, calming thoughts.

He can do this.

_How long is this fucking fuck scene?_

It’s okay, everything’s okay, it’ll be over soon.

He can do this.

He can do this.

He can do this.

Ah fuck, he can’t fucking do it.

He rushes out of the theater while trying his best to appear calm. He heads straight to the bathroom. (God knows he could use it after the amount of coke he’s had.) He finds himself splashing cold water on his face and talking to his reflection for the second time today. His knees feel weak as he walks back to the theater. The reassurances he tells himself feel like lies. So he just stands in front of the door, waiting until he works up the nerve to go back inside.

But he doesn’t. He can’t. So what the hell is he supposed to do now? Wait here until it’s over? Go home and make up some ridiculous lie? He has no idea. Although he knows someone who does. Not a good one, he’s sure, but maybe that’s better than nothing.

Baekhyun picks up on the first ring.

“ _Kyungsoo!_ ”

“Why did you show me that video?”

“ _Well, hello to you too._ ”

“Shut up.”

“ _So how are you and Jongin? I saw you didn’t drive home with him the other day.”_

“Yeah, no, we’re fine. I think. Maybe. Actually I don’t really know.”

“ _Have you talked to him?”_

“No. We’re at the movies and there was a sex scene and I just walked out. I mean I want to talk to him about it but I don’t know how. What am I going to say? ‘Hey, by the way, I spent all day watching you fuck other guys. Great job! You’re a real talent.’?”

“ _You spent all day watching his videos? Nice.”_

“That’s beside the point.”

“ _Have you ever considered that maybe he already knows that you know? I mean think about it, Kyungsoo. You’re a senior in high school, you’re a loser, you’re a nerd, you’re gay, and you’re obviously both romantically and mostly sexually frustrated, so realistically, why wouldn’t you be spending all day in your room watching porn?”_

“Wow, I’m truly touched, what did I do to deserve being showered with so many compliments?”

“ _Look, all I’m saying is, he probably thinks that you’re fine with it and he probably wants to do to you what he’s been doing to all those other guys on camera and now he’s just waiting for you to give him the green light.”_

“I haven’t thought about it that way. I’m gonna need a minute to process all that.”

“ _It’s simple, Kyungsoo. Do you want to have sex with him or not?”_

“Well, yeah, eventually.”

“ _Eventually? This guy gets laid every other day, some days several times probably, do you really think he’s going to wait around until you’re ready or whatever?”_

“I… you just said he was waiting for me to give him the green light.”

“ _Yes, because he doesn’t want to be too obvious about it. But sooner or later he’s going to get bored and it’s not like it would be hard for him to find someone who can give him what he needs. There’s a motel nearby the movie theater. Just take him there and he’ll get the message.”_

“A motel room, really? I don’t know about this, Baekhyun. I really, really like him, okay?”

“ _You can still like him with his dick inside you.”_

The only appropriate response Kyungsoo can think of is to hang up the phone.

He closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose.

“Hey, is everything okay?”

Kyungsoo flinches when he feels Jongin’s hand on his shoulder.

“Uhm-” He doesn’t know what to say and avoids eye contact as he turns around to face him.

Jongin brushes a few strands of wet hair from Kyungsoo’s forehead. “Is your migraine acting up again?”

“Yeah, I guess. It’s loud in there,” Kyungsoo says quietly.

“Have you eaten anything today? Aside from popcorn, I mean.”

“No, actually I haven’t.”

“Let’s go get something then. Maybe you’ll feel better after.” Jongin strokes his arm and massages his shoulder with his thumb.

When Kyungsoo finally meets his eyes, Jongin gives him that gentle smile that always makes his heart feel like a giant marshmallow.

“Okay,” he nods.

-

Kyungsoo calls the waiter over and orders a beer. Sleep deprivation? Check. Caffeine? Check. Alcohol? Why the fuck not? He really doesn’t know how else to deal with the fact that Jongin’s meal of choice tonight happens to be a goddamn hot dog.

There’s only a few other people in the diner, making the awkward silence between them so much more noticeable, even with both of them focusing on their food.

“Let’s go home,” Jongin suggests once they’re both finished.

Oh god. What if Baekhyun was right? What if Jongin is about to break up with him when they get home. He wouldn’t want that.

“Actually,” Kyungsoo clears his throat. “There’s uhm, there’s a motel across the street, why don’t we stay there tonight?”

Jongin gives him a long, puzzled look. “Why?”

“Well, because-“ Fuck, he hadn’t thought about this. He has to improvise. “I’ve been drinking.” He holds up the empty beer bottle as proof. “I can’t drive.”

“That’s okay, I’ll drive.”

“N-no, no. You can’t do that,” Kyungsoo stares at him with wide eyes.

Jongin frowns at him. “Kyungsoo, what’s going on?”

“Nothing. Nothing. Everything’s fine. It’s just… you can’t drive. No, not that you can’t drive as in you’re a bad driver, I mean you can’t drive…. my car,” he babbles mindlessly and Jongin looks just about done with him. “Because of insurance… stuff.”

There’s a long pause. Fuck. He’s ruined it. He fucked up. This is it. It’s all over.

Jongin isn’t smiling when he responds. “Right. I understand.”

-

Everything about the room nauseates Kyungsoo. The flickering lights, the stains on the sheets and walls, the strange humming noise that fills the air, the rumbling coming from the room next to them and the sound of his own heartbeat that seems to grow louder with every second. He knew he didn’t want to do this since Baekhyun put the idea in his head. He thought he could ignore it, or that it would go away, but now that he’s here he realizes just how wrong this feels.

Jongin sits down on the bed and leans back a little, legs spread. The pose reminds Kyungsoo of one of the pictures he’s seen of him online, except that he’s not naked. Yet. Jongin looks at him, waiting. Kyungsoo stands in the middle of the room as if his feet were superglued to the ground. It doesn’t feel like it’s his boyfriend Jongin looking back at him, but the pornstar, Kai.

“You know when I was younger I never knew what the difference between a motel and a hotel was. It always confused me because I thought they were the same thing so I thought ‘why are there two different words for it with just one different letter at the beginning?’ I think I was like 13 when I found out that motel rooms are accessible from the outside. But you probably already knew that,” Kyungsoo blabbers with a few nervous laughs here and there.

Ignoring his words, Jongin walks over, tilts up his chin and kisses his lips. They’ve shared many types of kisses; playful, soft and tentative, deep and passionate, but the nature of this one is unlike anything they’ve done before. It’s sensual. It’s something Kyungsoo has always imagined, always wanted, especially with Jongin. Still, none of this feels like it’s supposed to.

Kyungsoo backs away when he startles at what sounds like something in between a moan and a scream coming from one of the rooms next to them.

“Wh-what was that? Maybe we should go check, just to make sure she didn’t get murdered, you know?”

“There’s another thing motels are notorious for, Kyungsoo.  _But you probably already knew that,”_ he whispers the last sentence.

It feels more like an accusation to Kyungsoo, than an attempt at flirting.

Jongin takes a step back and begins to unbutton his shirt. He massages the nape of his neck, lets his head fall back and his eyes fall shut, a move Kyungsoo has already witnessed a few times today. He’d even dare call it Kai’s signature, as it seems to be the start of all his solos.

Jongin’s hand slowly travels from his neck to his chest, trailing down his abs and finally between his legs, cupping his crotch. Kyungsoo catches a glimpse of the unhappy expression on Jongin’s face before it’s replaced when he looks at him and bites his lip provocatively while his other hand combs back his hair.

He flashes Kyungsoo a seductive smirk as he closes the distance between them.

“Go ahead, touch me. I know you want to,” Jongin murmurs against his lips.

Kyungsoo gulps. He brings his hand up, letting his fingertips feel along the exposed skin of Jongin’s abdomen with the lightest touch possible.

“There’s no need to be shy.”

It shouldn’t feel like this. Like it’s a demand. Like Kyungsoo has to force himself to touch Jongin with a tremor in his hand while ignoring his conscience.

Jongin kisses him more roughly now. Pushes him against the wall. Uses his tongue. Kisses his neck.

Kyungsoo can’t even try to enjoy it.

“Jongin.”

They shouldn’t be doing this. Not here. Not like this.

“Jongin, please…”

And he can’t let himself go through with it. He won’t.

“Please stop.” It comes out as a broken plea, barely above a whisper.

It doesn’t matter what Baekhyun says, or if this is the end of their relationship.

Because they deserve better than this.

Kyungsoo can’t even get himself to look at him. He wishes he had just tried to talk to him about it instead of acting like a complete idiot all night and letting things come to this. He’s scared what’s going to happen now. Terrified.

“What, isn’t this what you wanted? To get fucked by a pornstar in a cheap motel?”

Kyungsoo’s chest aches. He feels tears welling up in his eyes as he stares blankly into the room, unable to say or do anything, paralyzed.

“Guess that’s all this was to you.”

He didn’t know words could hurt that much, more than anything any bully has ever said or done to him.

Tears run down Kyungsoo’s cheeks when the door falls shut and he’s left by himself. He slides down the wall, feeling too nauseous, too dizzy to run after Jongin. And after all, he deserves to feel like this.

 


	10. Apologies

After spending the entire day pacing in his room and playing the events of the previous night over and over in his head, Kyungsoo finally decides to apologize after all. Jongin doesn’t reply to his messages or answer his calls. And why would he? He doesn’t answer the door either and when Kyungsoo can’t see any lights turning on after the sun has set, he figures Jongin must be out. He rings the doorbell repetitively for a few minutes, just to make sure. The sound of Moongchi’s barking startles him enough for him to retract his hand. Okay, so maybe Jongin isn’t home, but if his dog is, Kyungsoo takes it as an indication that he has to return sometime tonight. He takes a seat on the doorstep and leans his head against the door.

“Moongchi, if you can hear me, I’m really sorry for assaulting your ears like that.” He’s not sure what exactly he’s expecting when he listens for some kind of response.

Two hours later Jongin sill hasn’t come home. It’s getting chilly outside, but Kyungsoo knows that if he were to leave to get a jacket right now, that would probably be the exact minute Jongin came home and he’d miss him. The world just hates him like that. He pulls his sleeves over his hands, hugs his knees to his chest and hopes he’ll be here soon.

“Jongin,” Kyungsoo mumbles with a sleepy voice, not realizing he’s drifted off when the flashlight of Jongin’s phone shines on his face

“Jongin!” In a moment of panic, before he’s even fully regained consciousness yet, Kyungsoo springs to his feet. “Oh god, head rush, head rush.” He stumbles to the side and presses his hand against the wall to support himself, bending over until his vision clears. “I’m okay,” he reassures, not that anyone asked.

“What do you want, Kyungsoo?” Jongin asks, crossing his arms.

“To apologize for acting like a complete moron last night.”

“When I came into your room yesterday, you weren’t watching a horror movie, were you?”

“No. Not horror by anyone else’s definition, anyway. Why didn’t you just tell me? I mean were you ever going to?

“Yes, I was!”

“Really? When?”

“If you would have asked me directly about what I do for a living, I wouldn’t have lied to you. And I promised myself that I’d have to tell you if ever did anything more than kiss.”

“So what, you would have told me after our first time? ‘Oh hey by the way, you’re the third guy I had sex with today and three is my lucky number so high five.'” He holds up his hand. “I’m sorry,” he adds when Jongin stares at him with disbelief.

Jongin disregards his comment and takes a deep breath. “That night you first saw me, I thought you knew. I thought that’s why you were watching. And I was pissed. Just because I do this stuff on camera doesn’t mean that I’m okay with anyone just watching me through my window and thinking they can get a private show without my knowledge. When I came over, I wanted to make you just as uncomfortable as I had felt. But when I was in your room talking to you, I realized you didn’t know. Your apology felt sincere, so I let it slide. It didn’t feel like there was any necessity to tell you when we were just getting to know each other. It’s not something you just mention in a casual conversation. And then before I knew it, I was falling for you, and before I could even think of a way to tell you, you kissed me. I knew I’d have to tell you eventually, but I didn’t know how. And I liked being with you. I liked how you looked at me. I didn’t want that to change. But you found out, and I mean look at how you reacted. That’s why I didn’t want to tell you. Because I knew it would ruin everything.”

“Jongin, I really don’t mean to be an asshole, but how was I supposed to react? Do you want me to be happy about it? Am I supposed to be proud of you, or supportive? I just… I don’t know.”

“You took me to a motel.”

“I know that was stupid. It wasn’t my idea. Baekhyun told me to.”

“So what? You’re not obligated to do what he tells you.”

“I was a mess. I was confused as hell, I hadn’t slept and I had the image of my boyfriend fucking other guys burnt into my eyeballs, so I asked a friend for advice, okay?”

“And you thought that having a quickie in a motel was good advice? You could have just told me what you felt.”

“Me? You just gave me a whole list of reasons why you didn’t want to tell me in the first place and then you expect me to be the one to bring it up? You know, you are just as conceited and full of yourself as I thought you were when I first met you.”

“Really? Then why did you waste all this time with me?”

“I don’t know, why don’t you ask Baekhyun, since apparently he makes all my decisions for me?” Kyungsoo rage-quits the conversation by pushing past Jongin. Conflicts never were one of his strengths, but he’ll be damned if someone insinuates he doesn’t have a mind of his own.

Fuck Jongin. Fuck Baekhyun. Fuck everyone in general, to be honest. As far as Kyungsoo’s concerned, people still suck and he’s still better off by himself. And fuck Jongin again for making him feel any different.

-

The cafeteria’s food tastes even more abysmal than usual today. But who needs anything in their life to go well anyway, right? Kyungsoo looks up from his plate when someone puts down their tray on the opposite side of the table. Neither of them says hi. Kyungsoo stares blankly at the impish smile on Baekhyun’s lips.

“My friend Do Kyungsoo, no longer a virgin. I’m so proud. How’d it go?”

The  _“I-know-how-this-would-be-settled-in-the-animal-world”_ scene from  _Mean Girls_  briefly pops into Kyungsoo’s mind, but he feels so dead inside at this point that quite frankly he can’t find the energy to jump across the table and rip out Baekhyun’s hair.

A fake smile forms on Kyungsoo’s lips. “Excellent. Really. I followed that truly amazing piece of advice you gave me and went to a motel with him.”

“Nice. Was he as good as he looks?”

 _Fucking humor me,_ Kyungsoo thinks. “I don’t know, Baekhyun. You see, after about 15 minutes in that oh-so-lovely and extremely classy motel room, Jongin left, thinking I only wanted to have sex with him because he was a pornstar and I sat on the floor having continuous anxiety attacks for about an hour. Oh, and when I tried to apologize yesterday, I made things even worse and I’m pretty sure he never wants to speak to me again.” Kyungsoo’s smile grows even bigger as he retells the story, because as far as Baekhyun’s concerned this is all just a big joke. But it’s not. It fucking hurts. “So again, Baekhyun, really,  _thank_   _you_.” He leaves the table. He doesn’t need to hear some dumbass response about how he’s overreacting.

Kyungsoo skips school the next day. And the next. And the one after that too.

“Kyungsoo, dinner’s ready,” his mom informs him, peeking into his door.

“I’m not hungry.”

“You already weren’t hungry yesterday.”

Kyungsoo shrugs.

“Would you like to tell me what your hunger strike is about?”

“It’s not a hunger strike. I just have the flu.”

“That’s it. Tomorrow you’re going to the doctor’s.”

“Mom, I really don’t think that’s necessary.”

“On tuesday it was food poisoning, yesterday it was migraines and today it’s the flu. What should I be expecting tomorrow? Stomach cancer?”

“You know you’re going to be really sorry if that’s really the case.”

“If you’re not at the table in five minutes, I will drag you downstairs and force-feed you.”

“Fine,” Kyungsoo mumbles as he staggers out of bed reluctantly. “You’re scary sometimes.”

“Sometimes a mother has to resort to desperate measures when her son refuses to tell her what’s wrong.”

He looks at her for a moment, contemplating. Maybe he should tell her what’s been going on. It sure would be nice to tell someone about it. Ah, yes. What should he tell her first? That he’s gay? That he’s been dating a pornstar? Or perhaps he could tie it all in one sentence to give her all the relevant information at once.  _‘I just found out my boyfriend’s a pornstar and we kind of got in this huge fight over it when Baekhyun gave me the advice to lose my virginity to him in a motel room.’_ Yeah, that’s great, fucking fantastic.  His mom’s still fairly young to be experiencing her first heart attack, so maybe he’ll just wait another 20 years.

Feeling somewhat more alive after getting some food in his stomach, Kyungsoo volunteers to do the dishes. It’s a good distraction until there’s someone at the door. What if it’s Jongin? His hands begin to sweat at the thought. Would he apologize and they’d work things out? Or would he just come to make him feel worse? Oh god, he’s going to out him to his parents, isn’t he? Kyungsoo has a mini heart attack before he tells himself to calm the fuck down because it’s probably just Mrs Choi, the old chatterbox from across the street coming to babble about her day. He remembers having to listen to her talk about the town’s history for a full hour once when his parents weren’t home. He started avoiding answering the door since then.

“He’s in the kitchen,” he hears his mom say.

Oh no. What does he do? His wide eyes search for a cupboard big enough to hide himself in.

“Will I get contaminated if I get any closer than this?” Chanyeol asks before stepping into the kitchen.

“Oh thank god it’s you.”

“Wow whatever you have must be pretty bad for you to say something like that.”

They exchange a smile and Chanyeol playfully punches Kyungsoo’s shoulder.

“How are you feeling? Think you’ll be back at school tomorrow?”

Kyungsoo grows quiet again, focusing on the dishes. “I don’t know. I don’t think so.”

“I heard about you and Jongin.”

Kyungsoo pauses in a moment of irritation. “Did you, now? You know, an awful lot of shit comes out of that tiny gob Baekhyun calls a mouth.”

“His mouth really isn’t as small as it looks.”

Why does he feel like that statement wasn’t about Baekhyun’s conversational skills? “Anyway,” Kyungsoo says, not wanting to go any further on that subject.

“He’s sorry about it, you know.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, he feels really bad.”

“He does?” Kyungsoo looks at him expectantly.

Chanyeol nods.

“Good.”

He finishes up the dishes and puts them back in the cupboard when he notices Chanyeol mouthing words and gesturing towards the hallway. He acts innocent when Kyungsoo squints at him. He has a hunch what this is about. And he really hopes he’s wrong.

But he’s right.

Baekhyun’s head comes into sight behind the doorframe, his expression a mix between a smile and a frown, reminiscent of that time when he spoiled the ending of  _Scream 4_ , which Kyungsoo had been looking forward to for months prior. He’s just about as amused now as he was back then.

“I have to go to the bathroom, I think I’m going to be sick again.”

“Kyungsoo, when you apologized to Jongin the other day, how would you have felt if he hadn’t even given you a chance to talk? You don’t have to forgive him right away. Just hear him out, okay?”

“Of course you’re taking his side.”

“No, I’m not. That’s the point, I don’t want to resort to taking sides. You two are my best friends and I don’t want to constantly be torn back and forth between you. I’ve had enough of that from my parent’s divorce, okay? So could you please just make up?”

“What? Am I supposed to just ignore what he did?”

“No, no, no, look,” Baekhyun cuts in. Kyungsoo crosses his arms when he walks into the room, but listens to him nonetheless.

“I know I’ve been an asshole. When I found out about Jongin, I was so excited and starstruck that it didn’t even occur to me that you might not be cool with the whole pornstar thing. I should have taken your relationship with him more seriously. I didn’t realize how much this meant to you. What I said to you on the phone was insensitive. I’m sorry.”

Kyungsoo is skeptical. Baekhyun picks up on this and tries to brighten the mood.

“And! To prove to you how sorry I am, I’ll let you punch me in the face.”

It’s enough to catch his attention. “Go on.”

“Yeah, just try to avoid my good side. The right. Wait, no, it’s the left. Is it? Chanyeol, which side is my good side?”

“You don’t have a good side.”

“Haha. Very helpful, thanks.”

Chanyeol shrugs.

“You know what? It doesn’t matter. Pick any side you want. Just make it quick, okay?”

Kyungsoo considers actually doing it for a moment. It’s not like he’s never wanted to before. It’s an amusing sight, the way Baekhyun’s eyes are closed and his face is scrunched up, bracing himself for the impact. The fact that he’s willing to let him do this makes Kyungsoo realize that maybe that kid who became his friend after willingly having made a complete fool of himself in order to distract some bullies so Kyungsoo could get the video game that they had stolen from him back in middle school might still be in there somewhere. He stifles a laugh slaps Baekhyun’s cheek half-heartedly. Baekhyun flinches at the touch, then opens one eye to squint at Kyungsoo, surprised at the lack of force.

“I’m not going to punch you, Baekyhun, as tempting as it is.”

Baekhyun looks at him like a confused puppy.

“Throwing punches is kind of painful, actually.”

“How would you know?”

“Remember that black eye Chunso had a few weeks ago?”

“No way! That was you? Nice job.”

“Thanks.”

Baekhyun’s smile fades. “So?”

“I guess I had to find out eventually, didn’t I? Whether I would have stumbled upon it somehow, or if Jongin would have told me himself; it was bound to happen. I don’t know how I would have reacted either way. I don’t really know how to deal with this or what to think. Maybe it’s better that I found out sooner than later, even if it was in the most inconvenient way possible.”

“Does that mean you forgive me?”

“I guess.” As soon as Kyungsoo finishes the word, Baekhyun throws his arms around him and hugs him so tightly that Kyungsoo lets out an involuntary sound.

“Aw, group hug!” Chanyeol says, joining in.

“It’ll try to be a better friend from now on, I promise.”

Kyungsoo lets out a huff of air through his nose, shaking his head. “I mean honestly, what was I thinking? This perfect guy moves in right next door and falls for someone like me and it all just works out? I should have known it was all too good to be true.”

“You really liked him, didn’t you?”

Kyungsoo purses his lips and stares at the ground, answering Baekhyun’s question with a light nod.

“Maybe you could try to talk to him again?”

“No, I’d just make it worse than it already is. I seem to have a talent for that kind of thing.”

“Let’s do something this weekend. You know, try to get your mind off things.”

Kyungsoo sighs. “I appreciate that you’re trying to help, but I think I really just need to be alone and have a  _Lord of the Rings_ marathon or something to escape reality for a while.”

“Well, if you need anything, we’re here for you.”

“Thanks.”

“You going to be alright?”

“Yeah. I just need some time.”


	11. A Little Unconventional

After plenty of time of scrolling through his film library with careful consideration, Kyungsoo finally decides on watching the  _Harry Potter_ movies. He grew up watching them after all, so maybe they’ll help remind him of a simpler time, before he knew porn was a thing.

He made it a point to not watch anything romantic or anything he knows has a sex scene.

And still there’s scenes that remind him of the time him and Jongin spent together. He thinks of how they sat across from each other in this very room the day they first met when he watches Harry and Ron bond on the train. Hermione throwing a punch at Draco reminds him of when he punched Chunso. He tries not to think about what followed after, but it becomes inevitable when he watches Harry’s first kiss. And he thought it couldn’t get any more painful after the dancing at the Yule Ball.

It’s normal, he supposes. It’s part of breaking up with someone. Part of getting over someone. Isn’t that what all sad love songs talk about after all?

He doesn’t think he’ll ever get over Jongin.

And the more he thinks about it, the more he realizes he doesn’t want to.

He wants him back.

It always bothered him when the characters in the movies he watched couldn’t get their shit together and just get over themselves and work things out.

But this; this is  _his_ story. And if Neville Longbottom, the poster boy for awkward potatoes everywhere, can be the one to save the day in the battle of Hogwarts, then Kyungsoo can get off his ass, swallow his pride and tell Jongin how he really feels.

-

Kyungsoo finds himself pacing back and forth in Chanyeol’s living room after searching seemingly every place he could imagine Jongin being, and not being able to reach him over the phone.

“Where the hell is he? I mean his car and his furniture is still there, but his dog isn’t. How am I supposed to interpret that?”

“Did you… break into his house?” Baekhyun asks from the couch.

“No, of course not. I just jumped over the garden fence and looked in through the window.”

“That’s kind of creepy, dude.”

“What? I was worried.”

“Maybe he’s staying at his parents for a while.”

Kyungsoo looks at Chanyeol who’s sitting at the table with his computer on the other side of the room. “Maybe. People do that in movies when stuff gets bad sometimes,” he mumbles, mostly to himself. “Alright,” he announces while clapping his hands once. “How do I find out where his parents live?”

Baekhyun gets up with a sigh. “Kyungsoo, he’ll have to come home eventually. Maybe you should just give him some space. I’m sure everything will be fine. Don’t stress yourself out like this.”

“No, you know what’s going to happen if I do that? He’s just going to start to hate me even more. Hell, he could be over me by tomorrow. Maybe he already is. Maybe he’s blocking my number and that’s why he hasn’t answered his phone.” And that’s when Kyungsoo’s overactive imagination strikes again. “Oh my god, what if something happened to him?”

Baekhyun is at a loss for words. For a moment he looks at him as if he’s just lost his mind, then swiftly covers it up with a sympathetic smile.

“He’s at a porn convention.”

Both of them turn to look at Chanyeol.

“What?”

“He’s at a porn convention,” Chanyeol repeats nonchalantly. “His studio just tweeted about it. Look,” he holds up his phone.

Kyungsoo walks over and looks at the tweet Chanyeol mentioned. It’s a picture of some of the studio’s pornstars who will be present at  _Exxxoticon_  - one of them being Jongin. He squints when he sees the icon on the top of the page that indicates whether or not you’re following said account.

“Why are you following Jongin’s studio on twitter?”

“Hey, if I wasn’t you’d be lying on the couch worrying about Jongin being dead in a ditch somewhere right now.”

Fair enough. But Jongin’s okay. He’s fine. And Kyungsoo knows where he is. “He’s at a porn convention.”

Chanyeol raises his eyebrows at him. “Yes, that is what I just said. Twice.”

“He’s at a porn convention,” Kyungsoo repeats, processing the information as he walks around the room.

“Who is he talking to?” Chanyeol asks Baekyhun in a quiet voice.

Baekhyun looks at Chanyeol, then at the TV. He looks over at the empty hallway and kitchen. Looks up for good measure. No humans or pets in sight. “Didn’t he say he was going to have a marathon? He’s probably just… monologuing.”

Chanyeol nods. “Oh, right. He hasn’t done that in so long I almost forgot about it.”

Baekhyun is about to say something else, but stops when he sees Kyungsoo standing in the middle of the room, his hand balling into a fist. He turns around.

“Chanyeol? Baekhyun? Will you guys go to a porn convention with me?”

Baekhyun walks over and puts his hand on Kyungsoo’s shoulder. “Kyungsoo,” he begins. He looks down dramatically before forming a loose fist and raising it to his mouth like a proud parent who’s just witnessed their newborn child uttering its first word. “I thought you’d never ask.” He pulls Kyungsoo into a hug and fake-sobs onto his shoulder.

“Guys, I hate to break up the love-fest over there, but this thing is over an hour away, so we should really get going.”

-

“When are we going to be there?”

Chanyeol doesn’t answer Kyungsoo’s question, as he currently seems too busy having a competition with Baekhyun over who can sing the loudest.

Kyungsoo grabs onto the driver’s seat in front of him and leans forward, so he can yell directly into Chanyeol’s ear. “WHEN ARE WE GOING TO BE THERE?”

“Like half an hour maybe. Jesus, can you chill?”

“You said it was an hour away, not two.”

“It’s not my fault there’s traffic.”

“There’s no traffic now, fucking drive faster, will you?”

“I’m already going over the speed limit. If you don’t calm down back there, you can see if you’ll get there faster by walking.”

Rolling his eyes, Kyungsoo falls back into seat, crossing his arms. “You should have let me drive.”

“You would have driven us into a wall by now,” Chanyeol says, coming to a halt at a red light.

Kyungsoo kicks the back of his seat out of spite.

Chanyeol turns around and gives him the least amused look that Kyungsoo has ever seen on his face. “I swear to god, Kyungsoo.”

“Fine, I’ll stop complaining, just fucking drive!”

They finally arrive at the venue after Kyungsoo has thoroughly gnawed the majority of his fingernails off.

“Did you forget to use your nail-biting medicine again?” Baekhyun asks with a look of mild disgust on his face.

Feeling ashamed, Kyungsoo drops his hands to his sides. “No,” he mumbles at the ground.

 _Oh._ Baekhyun feels nauseous at the thought. “You’re not going to throw up, are you?”

“There’s nothing in my stomach, so no.”

Baekhyun sighs. “Oh, Kyungsoo… Come on, let’s get you your boyfriend back, huh?”

Him and Chanyeol walk ahead towards the entrance, but Kyungsoo is frozen in his tracks. “Yeah about that…” he doesn’t need to finish the sentence for his friends to understand what he’s trying to say. They exchange a quick look and nod at each other.

Chanyeol speaks first. “You know, Kyungsoo, when we met, you were this happy, almost bubbly, lovable weirdo. And then high school happened and you kind of turned into an emo kid. I mean you even had the haircut and the matching MCR shirt to go with your  _‘I-hate-the-world, I-hate-this-town, everything-sucks’_ attitude.”

“Are you sure you’re not talking about yourself right now?”

“Point is, we all grew up. MCR disbanded.”

“Too soon, man.”

“But you’d still hardly ever look like you’re enjoying yourself anymore. You’d barely talk to us, you didn’t laugh at our jokes as much as you used to and if you could, you’d probably just lock yourself in your room for the rest of your life. I don’t know how, but Jongin’s somehow done the impossible. Do you even know how surprised both of us were when we showed up at your house and your mom told us you weren’t home? Multiple times a week, even. You’d smile for no reason and you got excited over little things again. Whenever you’re with Jongin, you’re that lovable weirdo from middle school again. Jongin seems to get you in a way that Baekhyun and I can’t. And he’s crazy about you. He’s probably in there right now, thinking about you. So go. Get him back. There’ll be two more happy people in the world.” He gives him an encouraging smile. “Well,” he glances at Baekhyun. “four, actually.”

The emotional mess inside of Kyungsoo tends mostly towards touched right now. For a moment there’s also something along the lines of courage, but it dies down rather quickly.

“But… I can’t just go in there. There’s so many people. What if he doesn’t even want me back?”

Baekhyun grabs him like the shoulders like a coach who’s about to send his star quarterback out on the field. “Kyungsoo, what is your favorite thing in the world?”

“Movies.”

“Exactly. And why do you love movies so much?”

“Because… they’re my escape from this shitty world. They help me cope. They make me feel like anything’s possible.”

“Picture that feeling you get after you finish watching a movie. The credits roll. Maybe a song plays over them, or maybe score music comes from the speakers. You walk down the stairs of the theater. Imagine how you’d feel. Maybe it was a superhero movie you watched and you feel like you could take on the world. Isn’t that how Jongin makes you feel?“

Kyungsoo’s eyes begin to glow. “He does. He makes me feel movie-like.”

“So you go in there and you get yourself the happy ending you deserve!”

“I’ve waited long enough, haven’t I?”

“You did your waiting. Twelve…  _days_  of it… in…, well, your room,” Baekhyun’s tone doesn’t quite match the drama of Sirius Black, but it works on Kyungsoo nonetheless.

“Okay,” He nods to himself, feeling as if he’s about to take a seat on the scariest rollercoaster ever invented. “Alright. I’m going to do this.”

“Yeah!”

“YEAH!”

-

Followed by his two trusty companions on his journey, Kyungsoo strides into the convention like he owns the place. But his sudden rush of courage is soon crushed when he’s finally made it to the belly of the beast.

There’s a lot of people.  _A lot._  And a good amount of them are only wearing a very minimal amount of clothing, while others are covered in leather from head to toe.

His feet continue walking, but his confidence fades with every step. He feels like a pre-schooler at a high school party. He definitely did not think this through. How on earth is he going to find Jongin in this place?

 _Thank god,_ he thinks when he finally spots an info stand to his left.

“Right, so uhm I’m going to get one of those floor plan pamphlet brochure program flyer thingies,” Kyungsoo informs his friends, though he’s not sure they’re listening at all, with how their faces look like they just stepped into paradise.

And because the world hates Kyungsoo as much today, if not more, as ever, even something as simple as getting a program proves to be a difficult task when it’s being blocked by a big, giant penis.

“E-excuse me,” he says, trying to push past the mascot.

The mascot misunderstands and crouches down to put his arm around Kyungsoo instead. “Hey, I’m not really supposed to talk to people, but I can’t really see out of this thing. Am I in the shot?”

“Oh, n-no, I’m not trying to get a picture, I just wanted to get some info material.”

“Pfft,  _dick_.”

“I’m sorry.” Kyungsoo quickly bows to the penis. He doesn’t have a mirror, but he’s sure the color of his face must match the pink shade of the dude’s costume.

Baekhyun and Chanyeol of course seem heavily amused at the situation.

“What are you laughing at?” Kyungsoo asks through gritted teeth.

“You just got called a dick by an actual dick.”

They begin to laugh even more after that statement. Kyungsoo might actually join in if he didn’t feel entirely humiliated and discouraged right now. He stares at the ground and pursing his lips, he questions his life choices.

“Well, this has been-“ Kyungsoo grimaces, unable to find the appropriate word. “Let’s just go.”

His friends hold him back by one arm each when he tries to head towards the exit.

“Come on, Kyungsoo. You can do this,” Chanyeol says, giving him a pat on the shoulder.

Baekhyun takes the program from his hand and unfolds it. “Let’s see.”

Kyungsoo searches the schedule for Jongin’s name.  _Erotic couples massage,_ nope.  _BDSM done right,_ nope.  _Private VIP lounge party,_ nope.  _Foot fetish and other kinks,_ nope. He ignores the countless other events listed until he finally finds what he’s looking for. “There! He has a fan-sign in 15 minutes.”

“You sure you don’t want to see this panel on furries first?”

“Baekhyun, please. We were in such a rush, I doubt Kyungsoo had the time to bring his wolf costume.”

“I hate you guys.”

“Not in the mood for jokes yet, got it.”

The way to the event is paved with enough sex toy booths to make Kyungsoo feel like he needs to bathe in holy water - and he’s not even religious. He decides to focus his eyes on the ground instead as he trots through the convention.

“Oh my god, look!” And with that, Baekhyun’s off to one of the booths.

Fuck. He knew this was going to happen. One man down.  _Just keep going,_ Kyungsoo tells himself.

It’s no use, because two seconds later Chanyeol is gone too.

Kyungsoo bitterly stares over at his friends at a stand with a sign that reads  _‘Delicious Pleasures’_.

This is it. This is what betrayal feels like.

“Kyungsoo, you have to see this!”

He considers going on by himself, but when he sees a neon sign on the far side of the hall with the words ‘ _Sex Dungeon’_ written on it, he decides this is definitely not the place he’d want to get lost.

“What? Did you find a replica of Jongin’s dick?” Kyungsoo asks annoyed.

Baekhyun squints at the object in front of him, probably comparing it in his head. It wasn’t a serious question, but whatever.

“Not quite, but anyway. Isn’t it amazing?”

Kyungsoo assumes it’s just another dildo at first, but he realizes it must be edible judging by the other products being sold. “Is that-“

“Yes. A life-sized chocolate dick with white cream filling,” Baekhyun smirks.

“We got smaller and bigger sizes as well. We got different fillings too, but these are the most popular ones, obviously,” the shop owner explains.

He wouldn’t admit it out loud, but damn, Kyungsoo would definitely like one of those. He clears his throat. “We should get going.”

“We still have a few minutes.”

“There might be a long line.”

“You can go ahead if you want. We’ll catch up, okay?”

“Fine.”

The lack of moral support from his friends makes him feel disappointed, but what can he do?

There’s already a few people crowding when he reaches the fan-sign. Once he gets close enough, he spots a few of Jongin’s underwear-clad co-stars.

“Wow. They look even better in real life.”

Kyungsoo turns around, surprised at the sound of Chanyeol’s voice. “You’re here.”

“Of course we are. You didn’t think we’d let you do this all alone, did you?” Baekhyun asks, out of breath.

Kyungsoo smiles to himself and focuses his attention back to the front.

And in the moment he sees him, every hint of hesitation is gone.

“Jongin! Jongin!”

“His name is Kai, you fake fan.”

Kyungsoo looks at the fanboy next to him and the naked mid-orgasm picture of Jongin he’s holding in his hands with disbelief. He is  _not_ about to put up with anyone else’s shit today. “His real name is Jongin, and I’m not a fan, you pervert.” He knocks the picture out of his hands and continues calling Jongin’s name while the boy next to him gasps and scrambles to pick it up.

Jongin finally notices him. They lock eyes for moment. But Jongin doesn’t exactly look happy to see him. And why would he?

“Jongin, can we please talk?”

Before Jongin can answer, a tall man next to him - taller than Chanyeol - calls for security. Jongin stops him.

“It’s okay, Kris, I know him. I’ll handle it, just give me a few minutes.”

Kris, probably Jongin’s manager or something, Kyungsoo figures, sends a glare over his way. “Fine, but hurry. People are waiting.”

Jongin nods and walks away from the crowd. Kyungsoo follows him to a quiet corner.

“What are you doing here?”

“I want to apologize. For real this time. I’m sorry for how I acted. And I didn’t mean what I said about you being conceited, I just said that because I was mad at you. You’re actually surprisingly humble, considering how good-looking and talented you are.”

“Thank you.” Jongin’s voice is quiet and stern.

“There, you did it again,” Kyungsoo smiles a bit.

“I should have told you from the start, maybe then none of this would have ever happened. But it did, and I can’t change that. I don’t want things to end as badly as they did the last couple of times. We’ve both said and done things we regret, so let’s just call it even. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry, too.” He turns to leave.

Why does this feel like a goodbye? Kyungsoo wasn’t even halfway done yet.

“What do you mean  _end_? I want to be with you.”

Jongin avoids his eyes. “Don’t do this.”

“Please hear me out. I thought if I’d ever have a boyfriend- and that was always a big if, I thought it would be hard. I thought it would take forever to be able to grow so close and so comfortable with someone. I mean, sure, the way we started out wasn’t exactly picture perfect, but once we got past that, everything happened so effortlessly. I don’t usually click with people. Before I met you I kind of hated everyone. I even hated my own best friends. You challenged me to get out of my comfort zone and look at things differently. I’d be the biggest idiot if I gave up on you just like that. I don’t care if you do porn. I don’t know what it’s about for you, if it’s just a job or if you enjoy it, it doesn’t matter, I’m okay with it. Or well, I guess I’m not, because I already saw like three guys you had sex with and they’re all significantly better looking than me, but I’ll try to be as supportive as I can be.”

Jongin looks uncomfortable throughout Kyungsoo’s confession. He doesn’t seem like he wants to hear any of it. His response is immediate and with underlying anger. “Kyungsoo, I won’t be going to college in Goyang anymore.”

Taken aback, it takes Kyungsoo a moment to respond.

“What?”

“I fucked up my audition.”

His audition. Kyungsoo can’t believe he’s been so selfish he’s forgotten that Jongin’s audition was this week. He knows how important this was to him. How could he forget?

“Come on, you probably weren’t that bad. Isn’t it normal to have a bad feeling after an audition? I’m sure you were great.”

“No, I wasn’t. I forgot my routine so I just stood there like an idiot half the time and when I tried to improvise, I fell out of my pirouettes, I couldn’t hold my arabesque properly, hell, I even forgot to point my toes.”

“But- but maybe you could still get in. I mean you could re-audition or something, right?”

“That’s not how it works. They said I could try again next year. I don’t know what’s going to happen now, or what I’m going to do, but it doesn’t make much sense for me to stay in Goyang in a house by myself.”

Kyungsoo gulps.

“You’re moving?” He almost doesn’t want to say it out loud.

Jongin shrugs, eyes fixed on the floor. “Probably.”

“So that’s just it then?”

It feels like an eternity until Jongin finally answers.

“Let’s just not make this any worse, okay? I have to get back. I’m sorry.”

Kyungsoo feels overwhelmed when he watches Jongin turn around. It’s all too much and he doesn’t know how to deal with it or what do. It’s hopeless, but there’s one last thing he’s got to get off his chest. It’s all he’s got left.

“Jongin. I love you.”

Everything - including Kyungsoo’s heart - stands still for a split second.

“You don’t have to say that. It’s not going to change anything.”

“I know. I just thought you should know.”

Jongin faces him wearing a smile that Kyungsoo knows is fake.

“It was really nice meeting you, Kyungsoo,” he says, holding out his hand.

Kyungsoo swears he can feel his heart breaking as he stares at it.

Is this really what they’ve been reduced to? A handshake and a ‘nice to meet you’? As if everything they’ve had was nothing but a brief, mediocre acquaintance, and they’re just back to being strangers now?

“You, too,” he barely manages, voice shaky and low, before he walks away, leaving Jongin empty-handed.

He gets a couple of sympathetic smiles and pats on the back from his friends who are waiting for him a few feet away.

“Let’s go home.”

And for once they don’t have any questions or comments and just quietly walk with him to the car.

Once they’re all seated, Chanyeol reaches into the pocket of his hoodie. “Hey I know things are really shit right now and all, but do you want some chocolate anuses or gummy dicks?”

Kyungsoo gives him an incredulous stare. Chanyeol looks a bit scared when he slowly leans forward. He wordlessly snatches the plastic bag from him, sinks back into his seat and stuffs his face with a handful of gummy dicks.

He feels like a movie cliché.

_Record Scratch. Freeze frame._

_Yup. That’s me. You’re probably wondering how I ended up in this situation._

Except that Kyungsoo’s movie apparently doesn’t deserve a happy ending.

-

Kyungsoo looks out the car’s window when he wakes up after having dozed off. The car isn’t moving. And it’s standing in Kyungsoo’s driveway. Baekhyun and Chanyeol are having one of their usual jam sessions in the front, only at a quarter of their usual volume.

“Oh, you’re up.”

“How long have we been here?”

“An hour maybe?”

“Why didn’t you wake me?”

“Because when was the last time you’ve slept?”

Kyungsoo honestly doesn’t remember.

“I would have carried you to your bed, but Baekyhun was worried you might wake up and punch me or something.”

Kyungsoo sighs as he rubs his eyes. “Thank you guys for doing this with me.”

“No problem.”

“How much do I owe you for gas?”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I mean hey, I got butthole shaped chocolates out of this. What more could I ask for?”

Kyungsoo shakes his head and chuckles. “Good night.”


	12. Prom Night

Kyungsoo stares off into the distance, his mind as clear as it can be for a person who overthinks as much as him. He sits on a bench by the lake. It’s nice to come here sometimes, especially after spending so much time in the darkness of his own room. He hasn’t opened the blinds since he came home from the convention that night. When he leaves the house, he takes detours to avoid Jongin’s house. And to distract himself when he’s at home, sometimes watching movies just won’t do, so instead he’s taken up an old hobby of cutting scenes from movies he likes together. They’re pretty dark and emo at the moment, but he’s sure he’ll work his way to something a bit more inspiring soon.

Kyungsoo picks up a rock and throws it into the lake.

This is where him and Jongin hung out for the first time, he remembers.

It’s time to make some new memories. Without Jongin this time.

“I told you he’d be here, pay up.”

“Okay, first of all, I agreed when you said he’d be here, and secondly, we didn’t have a bet, you dumbass.”

“It was worth a shot.”

Kyungsoo turns around at the sound of his best friends’ voices. He has to stifle a laugh and an eyeroll when he sees them dressed in suits for their prom tonight.

“I’m not going, so don’t even try.”

“We won’t.”

They sit down beside him.

“It’s a shame though, we would have really liked to go.”

“Then… go?”

“We’re not going without you.”

“Why?”

“Because we’e not a bicycle, Kyungsoo, we’re a tripod. So if you think of yourself as one of the three legs of a tripod instead of the third wheel on a bike, you’ll understand why we can’t go without you,” Baekhyun explains.

Where the hell did that come from? He doesn’t remember ever mentioning to them that he feels like the third wheel sometimes.

“So you’re suggesting that instead of sitting on this bank with this lovely view, surrounded by nature and peace and quiet, we’ll sit on the bleachers, watch idiots attempt to dance while we’re forced to listen to shitty music?”

Chanyeol gives him a confused look. “Since when are you such a hippie?”

“We don’t have to sit on the bleachers. Think about it, we could be those idiots attempting to dance.”

The actual words don’t live up to the enthusiasm of Baekhyun’s tone.

“Ok look, you obviously want to go and I obviously don’t so please, for the love of god, just go without me.”

They don’t move an inch.

“You know I came here to be alone so if we’re just going to sit here in silence I’m going home again.”

“We can hang at your house too. That’s cool.”

Kyungsoo squints at Chanyeol. “Do I need to define the word ‘alone’ to you?”

Before he gets a response, something fluffy jumps onto Kyungsoo’s lap. “Moongchi?”

Oh no. Ohhh nooo. Panic mode on.  _Just drop the dog and run_ , Kyungsoo tells himself.

But it’s too late.

“Hi.”

And Jongin’s voice sounds just as warm and lovely as ever.  _Damn him._

“Hey, Jongin,” Chanyeol and Baekhyun greet him simultaneously while Kyungsoo’s mouth stays shut.

“Mind if I join you?”

“Sure.” Baekhyun scoots over, making room for Jongin to sit.

Sure?  _Sure_?? There’s that feeling again.  _Betrayal._ Did they plan this or something?

The next few moments are so awkwardly quiet that the sound of crickets fills the air. Literally.

“So hey, if you don’t want to go, we get it.”

“Yeah, we’ll just go ahead by ourselves then.”

They actually have the nerve to get up and leave him here with Jongin.

“I… guys…,” Kyungsoo tries, looking over his shoulder. But they just keep walking as if they can’t hear him.

So much for the whole tripod thing. He’s not doing this. This isn’t happening. Hell no. He’s getting the hell out of here.

“Kyungsoo. Please don’t go.”

Oh great, and now he feels like he’s going to tear up. “Why?”

“There are some things I need to say to you.”

“I think you already said everything there is to say. And if you came to say goodbye, I’m sorry, but I don’t want to hear it.”

“I’m not here to say goodbye.”

Kyungsoo gives him a questioning look.

“Sit down. Please?”

He doesn’t understand what this means. What does he want from him?

“You said you were a mess when you found out about me and that’s why you said some things you didn’t mean, right? Well, after finding out I didn’t get into college, it wasn’t much different for me.”

Kyungsoo deliberates. Knowing how he felt himself after everything that happened, he sits down. “And now that you’re in your right mind?”

“I don’t click with people easily either, Kyungsoo. You were right. Everything between us came so easily.”

Moongchi promptly settles down on Kyungsoo’s lap again. It makes him smile. He runs his hand over the soft fur. He’s missed the little guy.

“And Moongchi obviously likes you too. He’s not usually a fan of most people.” He smiles softly and gives the dog’s head a little pet. “I have a lot of figuring out to do with my life and I think you do too, so I don’t think we should get back together. I don’t know where I’ll be in a year or even just in a few months, but I do know I’d regret saying goodbye to you the way that I did. I miss you… I’ve missed you so much the past few weeks. I don’t want to not know you. So would it be okay if— can we— will you be my friend?”

The bitter part of Kyungsoo wants to say no and walk away, wants to be cold and unforgiving. Truthfully it’s a no-brainer though. The only thing worse than not having Jongin as a boyfriend would be to not have him at all.

“Okay.”

“Really?”

“Why are you so surprised?”

“I didn’t think you’d say yes.”

The way Jongin smiles is too cute for Kyungsoo to handle and he can feel himself turning into mush again. He can’t have that.

“I only said yes because of Moongchi, I mean look how much he’s missed me.”

Jongin raises his eyebrows. “You’re using me for my dog?”

“Exactly,” he says, before giving his undivided attention to the pup in his lap. “Who’s a good boy? You are. Yes, you are.”

Moongchi wags his tail when Kyungsoo ruffles his fur and tickles his chin. Jongin chuckles, earning himself a glare from Kyungsoo.

“That is so something a dog person would say,” he explains, still smiling brightly.

“Whatever, I can like both. Besides, look how much he loves me. You love me more than Jongin, don’t you, baby? Yes, you do.” Kyungsoo doesn’t even know what voice this is he’s doing. It’s kind of cringeworthy honestly, but Moongchi responds to it so well.

“Kyungsoo, just because I didn’t say it back doesn’t mean I don’t—“

Jongin stops talking immediately when his concerned expression is met by Kyungsoo staring at him with wide eyes.

“Oh you meant… Moongchi loves you more than he loves me, not—“

They both stare ahead in front of them, and then a little in opposite directions. Kyungsoo hopes Jongin can’t hear the way his heart pounds, or how red he’s getting at the indication of his words. He tells himself not to read into it to much, but really what else could he have meant? He already knows he’ll replay it over and over in his head, because it’s probably the closest thing to a love confession he’s ever going to get.

He clears his throat to dissolve the awkward silence and to make himself feel less like a lovestruck teenager.

“It was a joke, by the way. He uh, I mean you’re his owner, so obviously he— I don’t actually think he likes me more.”

“I know.”

“I was joking earlier too when I said I was only using you—“

“Yeah, I got that, don’t worry about it.”

Kyungsoo sets Moongchi down in between them. “So, the convention. What was that like for you?”

“Oh boy. It’s weird being half naked in front of so many people for hours. It’s different from filming. I  mean some moments were fun, but the whole thing was a bit too much for me, honestly.”

“I can imagine.”

The tension between them grows thicker again with every moment they don’t speak, but then Jongin breaks the silence.

“I’ve never seen so many dicks before.”

They look at each other slowly before they both break out in laughter.

“I wasn’t even there for that long, but I definitely had some phallic dreams.”

“Yeah, me too. I mean the most I’ve seen before that was when I did a scene with five guys and some toys.”

Kyungsoo’s mouth drops a little “F-five guys? I— wow.”

“I didn’t do all of them. It was just one bottom. I’m sorry, you probably don’t want to hear about this stuff.”

“No, it’s cool. I told you. I’m totally fine with it.”

“Are you really?”

“I’m trying.”

“I’m sure you have a lot of questions.”

“Yeah.”

“What do you want to know?”

“Everything.”

“Everything?”

“Yeah. What’s your origin story?”

“Right. I better start at the beginning then.”

Kyungsoo turns his body towards Jongin, listening intently.

“When I was seven or eight, I saw this movie on tv, Billy Elliot. Do you know it?”

“I’ve heard of it, but I haven’t seen it.”

“Maybe we could watch it together some time.”

“I’d like that.”

“It inspired me to dance. I would VCR it and watch it over and over again and try to dance in front of the tv. I told my parents ‘I want to do that, I want to dance.’ After a lot of begging and whining, I finally convinced them to let me go to dance class. They only let me do it because they thought I’d get tired of it after a few classes, but I loved it so much, I wanted to do it all the time. My parents weren’t happy with it and after a few years they told me I couldn’t go anymore because we didn’t have enough money. So for a while I couldn’t dance, and it made me really unhappy. I started saving up my allowances, money from birthdays, christmases, everything I originally wanted to spend on video games and used it so I could start dancing again. I tried to make extra money by taking babysitting jobs, tutoring and doing paper routes. I still couldn’t take as many classes as all the other kids I knew from dance. Most of them had supportive parents and did competitions. I always felt jealous of that. Some were even home schooled so they could invest more time into dancing. It made me feel like I wasn’t good enough. But one of my friends was the opposite of me. His parents wanted him to dance more than he actually wanted it himself, and since they wanted him to spend so much time at the dance studio, instead of practicing himself, he was kind enough to help me improve. My parents were mad at me for investing so much into dance. They never got how much it means to me, you know? They always thought it was a waste of time, so you can imagine their reaction when I told them I wanted to attend a dance academy. It made me want to work even harder, so I could prove them wrong. I graduated early so I could have more time to work. At some point I found myself working three jobs that I hated. The only time I had to practice was at night. I’d live on a maximum of four hours of sleep. I was so stressed out that it took a toll on my body and eventually affected the quality of my dancing. I’d spend hours trying to perfect moves that I’d done effortlessly before. I got so frustrated with myself. I worked as hard as I could and it still wasn’t enough. I tried to get into modeling, thinking it might be less time-consuming and more enjoyable. The jobs were sparse, though. One day I got approached about joining adult entertainment. I thought the guy was a freak, but for some reason I kept his card. I think deep down I knew it would be the better option. It wasn’t necessarily something I wanted to do, but I tried to focus on the positive side of it. I’d make more money than with my other jobs combined, I’d have to work less, I’d have more time to dance again, and unlike stocking up shelves or cleaning toilets, at least there’s a performance aspect to it. So I took it. I moved out here and then I met you.”

“And everything got fucked up.”

“Kind of. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Jongin smiles at him fondly.

“You said you’d never been in a relationship before. The first scene wasn’t the first time you ever—“

“No, no. The friend I told you about earlier, well, since we’d sometimes even spend the nights at the studio and we didn’t exactly go to parties or anything, we’d kind of do some other physical things apart from dancing.”

“But he wasn’t your boyfriend?”

“No, we just experimented. We never had feelings for each other.”

“Are you still friends?”

“Yeah. He’s studying overseas now. He said being away from his parents made him find his own enthusiasm for dance again. I’m proud of him.”

“I’m sorry your parents aren’t supportive of you. There’s going to be plenty of people who will appreciate your talent.”

“I wanted to ask you something. Our dance studio is having a recital next week. I’d like for you to come and watch.”

“I’ll be there.” He already knew about it, so he would have been there even without an invitation.

“So you’re not going to your prom, huh?”

“Fantastic observation skills,” Kyungsoo laughs a little, looking down at his sweatpants.

“It’s a shame, though. I would have loved to see you in a suit.”

“That’s really not that great of a sight. You’re not missing out on anything, trust me.”

“I disagree. Baekhyun showed me a picture.”

“What? When? Why?”

“He came by to apologize a few days ago.”

He what now?

“He said everything was his fault. Then he begged me to ask you to prom.”

Okay, he might owe Baekhyun a hug for owning up to everything, but after that he’s dead meat. He honestly  _begged_ Jongin to ask him to prom? Who the fuck does that?

“Don’t worry, I won’t ask you,” Jongin reassures him.

“Then why’d you say you wanted to see me in a suit?”

“I would. But you don’t want to go, do you?”

“No.”

“I thought so. I’ll get to see you in a suit one day,” he says folding his hands behind his head, a mischievous smile on his lips.

“Did you go to your prom?”

“No. It would have felt weird since I already graduated a while ago.”

“Did you want to go?”

“This is going to sound cheesy, but the only reason I wanted to go was so I could slow dance like they do in the movies.”

The movies? Kyungsoo can work with that. He takes his phone out of his pocket and plays a suitable song. It’s one Jongin introduced him to, actually. It always makes him think of him. He stands up and holds out his hand. “May I have this dance?”

Jongin looks surprised, but delighted nonetheless.

“I have no idea what I’m doing, by the way,” Kyungsoo says, hoping Jongin won’t notice how sentimental he’s getting.

Jongin grins. “Just sway.”

They put their arms around each other. Kyungsoo has missed being this close to him. He’s missed the way he smells. He’s missed listening to the sound of his breathing. He’s missed the way Jongin makes him feel.

He’s missed  _him_.

“I know you don’t think we should get back together— and I agree with what you said, but I can’t stop thinking about how things ended. Our last time together shouldn’t have been like that. Our last kiss shouldn’t have been like that.”

In the movies, Kyungsoo’s never understood why people couldn’t just work things out and be together. He understands it now. It’s so much more complicated when you’re in it yourself.

“I know. Trust me, I know.” They lock eyes for a while before Jongin continues. “Maybe we could be together just for tonight. To make up for everything.” His voice gets softer as he leans in closer. “One last time.”

Their lips touch. Slowly, carefully, but with an underlying fervor. It’s enough to make Kyungsoo’s heart skip a beat, enough to make him want to cry, uncertain when or if they’ll ever share another kiss.

Jongin rests his chin on Kyungsoo’s shoulder, pulling him into a tight embrace as soon as the kiss ends.

For the first time it dawns on him that Jongin might just be even more vulnerable than he is. He puts his hand on the back of Jongin’s head. Holds him close.

Dreading the moment they’ll have to let go.


	13. Dreamers

“Is Jongin ever going to perform?” Baekhyun asks Kyungsoo after an hour of sitting through mediocre young dance groups at the recital.

“Yes. He’s probably up next. Just be patient.”

“You said that like half an hour ago. Anyway, wake me up if he ever comes on,” Chanyeol says, slouching in his chair.

Kyungsoo knows Jongin will be worth the wait.

He’s finally up after another half hour.

Kyungsoo’s missed watching him dance in person. He’s even more amazing than he remembered. Knowing Jongin’s story and how much he’s given up to be able to dance fills Kyungsoo with so much admiration.

As soon as the performance ends, Kyungsoo is on his feet clapping excitedly with the biggest smile on his face. Jongin easily spots him in the audience, given that he’s the only one standing up. They lock eyes and exchange a shy smile before Kyungsoo finally realizes that everyone is staring at him for being so extra. Usually he’d die of embarrassment in a situation like this, but right now he really doesn’t give a fuck. He sits down when Jongin exits the stage, still smiling.

“You two are so in love, it’s disgusting,” Chanyeol comments.

“Shut up.”

“He’s right though. Why aren’t you together again?”

“Do I really need to explain it a third time?”

“Maybe you should, since the first two times didn’t make much sense.”

“You just don’t get it.”

Baekhyun shrugs.

They wait around for a while after the recital ends, but Jongin seems busy talking to some guys in suits. Kyungsoo wonders who they are. He has a feeling he knows, but perhaps it’s just wishful thinking.

Kyungsoo and Jongin’s conversations are sparse the following week. They check in with each other through texts, and exchange fleeting hellos when they cross paths. All Kyungsoo knows is that Jongin is busy. He doesn’t specify it any further than that and maybe that’s what’s best. He’d love to be that person that Jongin can talk to after a long day of work, but he doesn’t quite know how he’d feel or what to respond to  _“God, my dick is so sore from this orgy I filmed today.”_ He’s aware it’s just his job, that it doesn’t mean anything, yet he still gets jealous at the very idea of someone being even remotely intimate with Jongin. At least now he understands all those songs about wanting to be someone’s only one.

-

“We’re leaving, sweetie.”

“Okay, have fun. And text me if you’re coming home later than ten. I don’t want to have to worry again,” Kyungsoo tells his mom, even though it should probably be the other way around.

He checks his phone to see if Jongin has texted him back. His last message is marked as read but Jongin hasn’t responded. Not that there was much to respond to, but still. Their conversations are so brief and generic lately that it’s hard to keep one going. Jongin feels so distant these days. Kyungsoo is worried. That’s how it usually starts. Growing apart.

Speak of the devil.

Jongin doesn’t knock or say hello. “Your parents let me in,” he explains. He looks really shaken up.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m—“ Jongin stops to stare at the ground. He laughs. “Am I— am I okay?” He paces back and forth in the room.

Kyungsoo’s never seen him like this and he’s having a really hard time figuring out if Jongin is about to break out in tears or manic laughter.

“You know those guys who came up to me after the recital? They were representatives for Goyang Academy of Dance. They offered to let me re-audition.”

He knew it. “And?”

“And I did.” Jongin stares at him.

“How’d it go?”

“It went great. They called me this morning and,” he takes a deep breath. “I got in.” He smiles from ear to ear and bounces on the balls of his feet with excitement.

“You did? Congratulations!” Kyungsoo gets up to hug him. Jongin squeezes him so tightly that he can barely breathe.

“You know what I did after they told me?”

“What?”

“I quit porn. I got a job at the dance studio instead. They asked me whether I wanted to teach there last month, and I had to turn it down because it didn’t pay enough and I didn’t have the time. Now that I have a scholarship, it’s going to be enough.” He grins.

He did all this? In one day?? Kyungsoo is truly amazed. He doesn’t even manage to get out of bed some days. “Wow, good day for you, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“So do you think you’re going to miss it?”

“Probably not. Some aspects of it maybe. I liked how openly you could talk about sex to everyone and I made some good friends there. But the actual having sex part— I haven’t really enjoyed that since the first time you kissed me.” He pauses. “You know, there’s something else they told me on the phone, something really interesting. They said I should really thank my friend.”

Kyungsoo bites his lip. Uh oh. Busted.

“So I asked what they were talking about, and they said that someone sent them a very well made video of me dancing. A certain someone by the name of  _Do Kyungsoo._ ”

Kyungsoo looks at him innocently. He didn’t exactly want him to find out about that.

Jongin raises his eyebrows at him.  _Right_ , Kyungsoo thinks. He should probably explain himself. “I didn’t think they’d even watch it. It was an act of desperation, really.”

Jongin shakes his head. He sits down next to Kyungsoo on his bed. “I can’t believe you did that for me.”

“It’s no big deal.”

“You got me into my dream school, Kyungsoo.” He grabs him by the shoulders and shakes him lightly. “You’re incredible.”

“I had all these videos of you dancing on my phone. I’d tell myself I’d watch them one last time and then delete them, but I’d get caught up in them. I thought that maybe if I tried to edit something with them I’d get really sick of watching you dance and I’d never want to watch them again. It didn’t work out so well. Instead, I started memorizing the movements and replayed them in my head all the time. When I finished the edit, I got the idea to send it in. I felt like you messing up your audition was partially my fault, so I figured if I could show them how great you really are, I could get some kind of closure.”

“Closure? How’d that work out?”

“You don’t just get over someone like you, Jongin. But I didn’t want to be mad at you anymore. I didn’t want to hate you. I’ve become a better person because of you, so I wanted to focus on all the good times we had together. It’s been bittersweet.”

“You’ve always been a good person.”

“No. I was self-centered. I thought I was better than everyone else, and I took my parents and friends for granted. Old habits die hard, but at least I’m trying.”

“You never seemed any of those things to me. Not after I really got to know you anyway.”

“What did I seem like to you then?”

“You seemed..." he purses his lips as he tries to think of the right word. "...bitter. Like someone who wanted to keep dreaming when everyone else woke up.”

It hits Kyungsoo hard. How the hell did Jongin know that? It’s something Kyungsoo’s always felt, but has never been able to put into words.

Jongin looks at the posters on Kyungsoo's walls. “When you tell people you have no idea what you want to do with your life, that’s not exactly the truth, is it?”

“I want to make movies.” He’s never told anyone. He’s always been afraid of the response he’d get. Because he’s already aware that it’s unrealistic. He doesn’t need to be reminded. But admitting it to someone feels good. Saying it out loud feels good.

“Have you ever looked into film schools?”

“Yes. There’s one about half an hour away from here.”

“Oh.” Jongin grins. “Ohhh. It makes sense now.” He looks around the room. “Where is it?”

“What do you mean?”

“You applied, didn’t you?”

“What? No.”

“Then why do I see you constantly checking the mail?”

“Okay, look. I know this might sound weird, but I’ve been checking to see if—“ Kyungsoo takes a deep breath. “I got my Hogwarts acceptance letter.”

Jongin blinks at him, unsmiling.

“What? I’ve just had this feeling lately.” Kyungsoo shrugs.

Jongin squints his eyes at him. He gets up and searches Kyungsoo’s desk.

“No, Jongin, don’t—“

But it’s too late. Jongin’s found the letter in the drawer it was hidden in. “Aha! Wait, you haven’t opened it.”

“I didn’t get in anyway.”

“What if you did and they’re waiting for you to confirm?”

Yeah, in his dreams maybe. “No. There’s no way.”

“If you’re so sure, then it won’t hurt to look, right?”

Kyungsoo sighs. Can’t he dream a bit longer?

But Jongin’s right. It’s inevitable, he supposes. He takes the letter from him and opens it. He pulls out the piece of paper inside, then promptly puts it back in and drops the envelope on the desk as if it just burned his fingers. “I can’t do it.”

“Should I?” Jongin hesitantly takes the envelope. He gives Kyungsoo a sympathetic smile after looking at the letter.

“I didn’t get in, did I?”

“No."

Of course he didn't. He knew it, and still he's disappointed. How stupid of him.

The corner of Jongin's lip quirks up a little. "But you got waitlisted.” He shrugs and hands Kyungsoo the letter.

“Oh? That’s… that’s… something.” Kyungsoo smiles, feeling a little relieved. He hadn’t considered this option. He shakes his head. “I shouldn’t get my hopes up.”

Jongin strokes his shoulder lightly. “I believe in you.”

Kyungsoo feels warm all over. “Thanks.”

“So show me this video you made.”

Kyungsoo cringes with embarrassment. “I don’t know, Jongin.”

“It’s about me, I deserve to see it,” Jongin says with a pout on his lips.

If he keeps saying no, it’s probably going to turn into an endless back and forth, and this time instead of falling into a pool, they might fall out the window. He’s not in the mood for a broken leg, and it wouldn’t be great for Jongin’s dance career either. “Okay, okay, I’ll show you.”

Kyungsoo locates the video on his laptop. “But before you see it, I need you to lower your expectations.”

“Oh, come on.”

“No really, I mean it. Are they lowered?”

Jongin closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, a look of concentration on his face. “Yeah okay, they’re lowered. Now show me.”

Showing him the video is nerve-wracking. He’s never shown anyone any of his videos before. He suddenly questions every single editing choice he’s made.

Kyungsoo wipes his sweaty palms on his pants once the video finishes playing.

“That was amazing.  _You’re_ amazing.”

"You really think so?"

"Yes!"

"Jongin, you don't just have to say that. If I really want to pursue this I'm going to have to get used to rejection and criticism."

"You want me to be honest?"

"Yes," Kyungsoo says reluctantly.

"You captured how much work I put into this. How much time, how much effort. So many people give up on their dreams, and some, despite having the whole world tell them they're not good enough or that they'll never make it, just don't. We can't. It's always there within you. It's undeniable."

Kyungsoo laughs it off. "That's so cheesy."

"But it's true, isn't it?"

He gulps. It almost feels too intimate to talk about. It's been a while since he's allowed even himself to think it, to feel it.

"You don't have to hide in front of me. I get it." He takes his hand.

Kyungsoo looks at him for a long time before he nods. He steals a glance at their hands. "You're right."

Jongin gives him an encouraging smile. He looks happy.

They sit in silence for a while.

Kyungsoo doesn't know if he should be the one to bring up the elephant in the room. Maybe he's the only one who even sees it. Luckily Jongin speaks before he can think too much about it.

“A week ago my life was a mess. I can’t believe everything worked out. It almost seems too perfect.”

“You deserve it. You’ve worked hard for it.”

Jongin’s smile fades. “There’s just one more thing I need to figure out.”

“What’s that?”

“Whether my boyfriend will take me back.”

Kyungsoo pretends to be shocked. “You got a new boyfriend?”

The look on Jongin’s face tells him he’s not in the mood, so he drops the act. Jongin looks vulnerable, almost a little scared. “So?”

Kyungsoo snorts. “You’re unbelievable.”

Jongin looks at him like a lost puppy.

“Do you remember how not too long ago I drove out to a porn convention to confess my love to you in front of a bunch of people? Honestly, Jongin, I can’t believe they let you graduate early when you’re this den-“ He’s interrupted by Jongin’s lips crashing onto his own. Kyungsoo’s heart does a little jump in his chest. It feels like all the sadness it’s been holding is being drained and it’s finally at ease.

“I love you too,” Jongin declares, out of breath.

This might be the closest thing to happiness Kyungsoo has ever felt. They kiss again, pulling each other close.

He loves the feeling of Jongin’s lips, loves they way he touches him. He could do this for hours. Or maybe not, because the more they kiss, the more their hands explore and Kyungsoo is starting to feel hot— maybe a little too hot for a make out session.

“Jongin,” Kyungsoo urges between kisses, but Jongin seems greedy today. He pulls away and lightly pushes Jongin’s shoulders back.

“Is there anything you still want to talk about? Because if there is, it’s probably best to get out of the way sooner than—“

“No, no, Jongin.” Kyungsoo feels embarrassed. This really hasn’t ever happened to him before when they made out. He briefly looks down at his crotch, just so Jongin gets the idea and won’t have that concerned look on his face.

“Oh.”

“I haven’t masturbated in like two weeks, okay?” He defends himself immediately.

“Two weeks?”

Kyungsoo shrugs. “I was stressed.”

“Do you want me to leave?”

“If I said yes, would you watch through the window?”

“I’d be very tempted, now that you’ve put the thought in my head.”

“You can stay if you want.” Even if the thought makes Kyungsoo sweat. He rubs himself through his pants with a light touch. Suddenly feeling hyper-aware of all his movements with Jongin’s eyes on him, he kisses him again.

Jongin puts his hand on Kyungsoo’s knee. He seems hesitant for a moment, but the longer they kiss, the more his hand slides up his leg and massages his thigh. He halts for a moment before going any further. “Can I?” He asks with his hand hovering between Kyungsoo’s legs.

“Yeah.”

Being touched by someone else feels weird at first, but it doesn’t take long until he gets used to it and eagerly spreads his legs. He guides Jongin’s hand, urging it to slip under his sweats and stroke him through his boxers instead. His hips grind up into Jongin’s palm as they continue to kiss. When Kyungsoo hums against his lips, Jongin pauses.

“Do you— do you want me to… should I use my hand or my mouth?” He asks with an innocent look on his face.

Kyungsoo stifles a laugh. “You’re surprisingly awkward at this considering you’re a pornstar.”

Jongin’s reaction is a mix of shock and amusement. “ _Ex-_ pornstar. Besides, this is different. I don’t know what you’re okay with and what not yet, what you’re into, what you want to try. I want to find out.” He licks his lips. “Although I do know one thing you’re into,” he says with a mischievous look in his eyes. And then his lips are on Kyungsoo’s neck.

“I guess hand would be a good place to start.” Because he’s pretty sure that if he’s having a hard time holding in moans with those lips kissing his neck, he wouldn’t last two minutes if they were wrapped around his cock instead.

Jongin pauses his ministrations to pull down Kyungsoo’s sweats and boxers. He’s torn between wanting Jongin to touch him more and wanting to pull his pants back up or at least throw a blanket over his lap. He’s self-conscious enough as is, but knowing how many dicks Jongin has probably seen makes it even worse.

“I know I’m not as big as the guys you usually—“

“Shh. You’re perfect,” Jongin murmurs against his lips before he kisses them. He strokes Kyungsoo’s length lightly, spreading the pre-come that drips from the tip around the shaft.

Kyungsoo gets a bottle of lube from his bedside table. Jongin holds out his hand, letting Kyungsoo squeeze the liquid on it.

“Fuck,” Kyungsoo mutters when Jongin wraps his hand around his cock, a little less gently this time.

He increases the pace with every stroke, making it hard for Kyungsoo to keep his hips still. His other arm is draped around his neck, his fingers tilting Kyungsoo’s chin towards him. “I’ve thought about this so much, Soo. Have you?”

The sultriness of Jongin’s voice makes it hard to think, hard to speak. “Uh huh.”

Jongin’s traces his jawline with his kisses. “Does it feel as good as you imagined?”

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo breathes. He’s close. And Jongin knows it.

He runs his hand over Kyungsoo’s nape, strokes his fingers through his hair.

He’s close. So close.

Jongin nestles his face in the crook of Kyungsoo’s neck, placing kisses on the heated skin. “Hyung,” he hums.

Kyungsoo can’t keep his eyes open, can’t keep himself from moaning out loud when he comes all over Jongin’s hand.

Jongin smiles sweetly at him before he kisses his lips. His hand is still wrapped around Kyungsoo’s softening length, giving him a few last strokes that make him twitch at the sensitivity.

Jongin looks down at his soiled hand. “You always come this much?”

“Two weeks, Jongin, two weeks,” Kyungsoo says, trying to catch his breath.

“Right.” Jongin continues to stare at his palm, turning it back and forth and feeling the stickiness of Kyungsoo’s come as if he’s fascinated by it.

Kyungsoo grabs some tissues from the nightstand. “Here, let me—“ He cleans Jongin’s hand thoroughly, then wipes any drops that have landed on himself before he pulls his pants back up.

He sighs. Having a smile on his lips has never felt so natural. “I’ve really missed you, Jongin,” he confesses.

“Don’t make me emotional.”

“It’s not my fault you’re a crybaby.”

Jongin nudges his shoulder against Kyungsoo’s. “Shut up.”

Kyungsoo pulls him into a hug.

“I’ve missed you too,” Jongin says softly.

They kiss again. And again.

And again for a few more hours.


	14. The Graduate

“How long have we been here?” Kyungsoo sits next to Jongin at a table at his graduation party. The actual graduation was enough of a celebration for him, but seeing that all his classmates were going and it’s the last time he’ll ever have to see them, he decided it couldn’t hurt to stop by. And Baekhyun and Chanyeol would have probably dragged him along anyway, he volunteered. Seeing the surprised look on Jongin’s face when he asked him to be his date didn’t hurt either.

“Five minutes.”

Kyungsoo sighs. He looks around, and although he recognizes everyone’s faces, he feels out of place. At school he had moments where he felt like he belonged, but now, outside of the classroom, they’re all just strangers who’d rather talk to each other than to him. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all.

Jongin looks over to the buffet. “You want to get some food?”

“Sure.” Food might be a good distraction. Until Chunso shows up, that is. He glares at Kyungsoo and Kyungsoo glares right back before Chunso focuses his attention on Jongin.

He clears his throat. “I was wondering,” he pauses. “if I could get your autograph.”

Kyungsoo nearly chokes on a meatball.

“I’m afraid I’m retired. Sorry,” Jongin says politely.

Chunso looks disappointed. He shoots Kyungsoo another judgmental look and steps a little too close to him for Kyungsoo’s taste. “You’re a lucky guy,” he comments before he walks away.

Kyungsoo laughs. “Of course he’s a closeted gay guy. Hey do you think he knew when he met you? Do you think he was planning to hook up with you at that party and then got real mad that I got you first?”

“You’re enjoying this way too much.”

“Hell yeah, I am.” He stuffs another meatball in his grinning mouth.

Jongin is enjoying it too. At least a little bit. He’s just too considerate to admit it. Or maybe he’s just enjoying that Kyungsoo is enjoying it. Either way, Kyungsoo’s night just improved a solid eighty percent.

“I hope you know that he would never have stood a chance against you.”

“Oh, I know.”

“Well look who’s Mr. confidence all of a sudden.”

Kyungsoo shrugs innocently. Jongin pecks him on the cheek.

They walk into Chanyeol and Baekhyun on the way back to their table.

“Hey, guys!”

“Why’d it take you so long to get here? I thought you left when we did?” Jongin asks.

Kyungsoo has an idea what they were doing.

“I uhm traffic,” Baekhyun says vaguely, rubbing his neck while Chanyeol mumbles something about the bathroom.

Jongin looks confused.

“Anyway, we’re going to get food.” And then they’re off.

“What was that?” Jongin asks.

Kyungsoo thinks it’s kind of cute how clueless he is. “Nothing. You’ll get used to it.”

Even after a while it still feels strange being there. It reminds Kyungsoo of how he feels when he’s forced to attend neighborhood get-togethers, or even at family events when there’s no one his age and everyone just tells him to stop wearing so much black and comments on how quiet he is. Except this is worse, because he’s actually supposed to fit in. No one’s even said hi to him. They probably all think he’s someone’s plus one.

His train of thought is interrupted when ABBA’s  _Dancing Queen_ suddenly begins to play.  _What the actual fuck._  Strangely enough, everyone else seems to be enjoying it. What is this? The car scene from  _White Chicks_??

“Yeah, okay, now we’re  _definitely_ leaving,” Kyungsoo says getting out of his chair.

Jongin just laughs.

“What?”

“I bet you’ve secretly danced to this song at some point in your life.”

“Are you sure you’re not talking about yourself?”

“Hey, I’m not ashamed to admit it.”

“You’re not about to ask me to dance to this, are you? Because I think we’re going to need to get drunk in order to do that.”

“I don’t dink. Haven’t I told you?”

“Yeah, I don’t drink either after what happened last time.” Then again, it’s not like anybody knows that he isn’t drunk. Or pays attention to him in general. And he won’t ever see these people again. “What the hell, come on,” he says, taking Jongin’s hand and dragging him to the dancefloor.

“What are you doing?”

“Asking you to be my partner in crime as I make a fool out of myself in front of everyone.”

“How could I possibly say no to that?”

Kyungsoo does all the lame dance moves he can think of. He grabs Jongin’s hand and asks him to twirl for him. When the last chorus comes on he even begins to sing along and Jongin, despite looking embarrassed at first, joins in. Everyone stares at them, but they don’t care. They’re too busy laughing over how they’re forgetting half the lyrics.

“Alright, let’s get the hell out of here,” Kyungsoo says once the song ends and they make a run for it.

“Where did that come from?” Jongin asks on the way to the car.

“I don’t know. When I’m with you I feel like not everything has to be so serious all the time.” Kyungsoo shrugs. He looks down, feeling a bit shy.

“It’s good we remind each other of that.” He gives him a lopsided grin and gently nudges his arm against Kyungsoo’s as they walk.

“Jongin?”

“Yeah?”

Kyungsoo hesitates for a moment. There’s something he’s thought about asking him a lot this week. “Can I stay at your place tonight?” He keeps his eyes fixed on the ground as he feels a wave of heat creep up to his face.

“Of course.”

From the corner of Kyungsoo’s eye it looks like Jongin finds the ground just as fascinating as him.

Kyungsoo unlocks the car and opens the door. “What?” He asks when he sees Jongin on the other side frowning.

“Chanyeol and Baekhyun. They’re making out.”

Kyungsoo hadn’t noticed they disappeared after they said they were going to get food. He doesn’t turn around because god knows he’s seen that too many times. “Yeah, they do that. It’s no big deal.”

Jongin squints his eyes. “Do they usually do that too?” He asks, nodding in their direction.

Kyungsoo turns around. On the other side of the street he sees his two best friends holding hands and smiling at each other shyly. Chanyeol leans his head on Baekhyun’s shoulder and Baekhyun tilts his chin up to kiss him again. “No. No, they don’t.”

Kyungsoo honks the horn of his car. He greets them with a giant wave of his arm and a huge smile on his face when they startle at the noise. They automatically scoot away from one another and drop each other’s hand when they realize it’s Kyungsoo. He cocks his head to the side.  _Seriously?_

Baekhyun scratches the back of his head and exchanges a few quick glances with Chanyeol before their hands slowly find each other again.

Kyungsoo grins and stretches his arm out to give them a thumbs up.

“Oh, shut up!” Chanyeol shouts from the distance.

And there he was just trying to be nice. He quickly switches his thumb for a different finger before getting into the car.

“Aw, look how happy you are for them.” Jongin grins.

“Well, it was about fucking time.”

-

Jongin opens the door to find Moongchi waiting next to it. He crouches down to pet him. “Hi baby, did you miss me?”

“Hey Jongin, you said Moongchi doesn’t act like other dogs, right? So does he not do tricks or anything like that either?”

“Oh no, he does. Just think of him like an introvert, you need to get him out of his shell a little first. Why, do you want to play?”

“Well—“

“I’ll go get some toys and treats.”

Kyungsoo looks at Moongchi once Jongin is out of the room. “So I guess we’ve established we’ll be playing with you instead of, well, each other.”

The dog gives him a puzzled look.

“Oh no, no, not that that’s a bad thing, I’m sure we’ll have fun. I just thought we’d be doing something else. Though I’ve been feeling nervous so this is probably a good distraction. Maybe it won’t even happen. I mean you can’t really plan these things, right?”

Moongchi blinks.

“You’re a dog, why am I talking to you about this?”

“Heads up!”

Kyungsoo almost has a heart attack when Jongin throws a ball at him, but luckily he still manages to catch it before it can hit him in the face.

“Come on, let’s go outside.”

Why is he even surprised? He was out there dancing to ABBA, for fucks sake. That couldn’t have been an arousing sight. He still agreed to let him stay over though, so this might just be a regular sleepover. The kind kids have. And Kyungsoo doesn’t even mind. It’s just that he’s been feeling a bit thirsty for more since Jongin gave him a handjob. He sighs to himself.

“Are you coming?”

“I don’t know, I’m starting to think I won’t be,” Kyungsoo says absentmindedly.

“What?”

“What?” Kyungsoo repeats, startling when he realizes he just said that out loud. He walks to the balcony door where Jongin is waiting for him.

Jongin furrows his eyebrows in confusion.

“No, nothing,” Kyungsoo mumbles, shaking his head as he goes outside.

Jongin starts by doing a few simple tricks with Moongchi. After running through the basics he hands Kyungsoo a treat. “Here, swap it back and forth between your hands and then hold them out like this,” he says, demonstrating by holding out his fists. Kyungsoo follows his instructions. Moongchi looks back and forth between his hands and then taps Kyungsoo’s right hand with his paw. It takes him two more times to get it right, but when he does Kyungsoo still feels a weird sense of pride.

“What’s his favorite thing to do?”

“I’ll show you.” Jongin gets him to sit first, then forms a gun with his fingers “Bang!”

Moongchi dramatically falls to the floor.

“Playing dead?”

“Yup.” Jongin rewards him with another treat. “Good job.”

“Wow, same,” Kyungsoo thinks out loud.

“You play dead too?”

“Yeah, mostly when my parents want something from me.”

Jongin pretend-shoots him and Kyungsoo lets himself fall to the ground. He tries to stay still, but soon enough Moongchi begins to lick his face. “Ahh, stop it,” he laughs. He gets up, grabs a ball and throws it to the other side of the backyard. “Get the ball, Moongchi!”

“Impressive,” Jongin says. He holds out a dog treat in Kyungsoo’s direction.

Kyungsoo humors him and sniffs it. “Ew.”

Jongin feeds it to Moongchi when he brings back the ball. He throws it again. This time Moongchi doesn’t come back. “You can only play with him so long before he runs off and plays by himself,” he explains. He folds his hands behind his head and lies down on his back in the grass. He smiles. “It’s pretty,” he says, looking at the sky.

Kyungsoo lies down beside him and looks at the stars. “Yeah,” he agrees.

As nice and romantic as this moment seems, Kyungsoo has a hard time enjoying it. His emotions are conflicting. Part of him feels like he wants to jump Jongin’s bones, yet he thinks maybe they don’t even have to do anything and it would be nice to simply talk about the subject. Then of course he feels weird about high school being over. By no means would he want to go back. But in a way he was used to it. Now everything feels unclear.

At least he has Jongin.

“Why the sigh?”

“Did you feel weird after you graduated?”

“I still don’t really feel like I’ve graduated at all. I got my diploma in the mail. I didn’t get to be part of a ceremony or any afterparties for that matter. I’m glad I got to go with you today.”

Kyungsoo smiles at him. Jongin intertwines their hands. Looking at the sky, Kyungsoo notices that Jongin’s eyes are still on him after a while. “What?”

“I know I told you earlier, but you really look so handsome today.”

Kyungsoo decided to wear a button down shirt today, dress shoes instead of sneakers and his hair is styled up. And right now he wouldn’t be surprised if he was unknowingly wearing a blush as well. “Thank you.”

Jongin scoots over to softly kiss his lips, lingering just enough to make Kyungsoo feel weak.

He can’t stay still like this. Not with Jongin’s fingers tracing the back of his hand, not with his taste still lingering on his lips, not with all these thoughts he’s been having.

He rolls over and kisses him. He feels Jongin smiling against his lips and his fingers running through his hair as he pulls him closer. Their tongues brush together and Kyungsoo can hardly control himself. He straddles Jongin who promptly wraps his arm around him and grabs his ass when he grinds their crotches together. Kyungsoo breaks away for a second to allow them to catch their breath. But then he notices something.

“We’re being watched.”

Jongin looks at him dazed, then follows his line of sight. Moongchi sits right behind them and Kyungsoo swears he’s smirking at them.

Jongin chuckles. “Do you want to go to the bedroom?”

Kyungsoo nods, despite feeling nervous.

He hasn’t been to Jongin’s room many times. They usually hang out somewhere downstairs, mostly in the living room, or the kitchen. Jongin’s shown him around before, but he mostly knows his bedroom from seeing it through the window.

“Where were we?” Jongin asks with a grin after he closes the door behind him.

Jongin’s lips feel so soft, so good against Kyungsoo’s. He doesn’t think he’ll ever get tired of kissing him. And they’ve kissed  _a lot_  since they got back together.

He unbuttons Jongin’s shirt and runs his hand down his chest and stomach. His muscles are less defined now that he’s been working out less since he quit porn. Kyungsoo doesn’t mind in the least. He still looks and feels amazing to him.

“You sure you don’t want to go to a motel for this?”

The look on Jongin’s face tells Kyungsoo he’s joking, but he feels anxious just thinking about that night.

“You know you said you quit porn, but I’m really starting to believe they fired you.”

Jongin looks disheartened.

“Oh my god, did they?”

“No. I just don’t want you to think of me as Kai the pornstar when we’re having sex.”

“Sex with Kai sounds like an interesting idea somewhere down the road, but right now I’d really prefer my boyfriend Jongin.”

Jongin hides behind his hands. “Even if he’s awkward and says the wrong things sometimes?”

“Yes. He might be a dork but I love him.”

Jongin peaks at him through his fingers. Kyungsoo gently wraps his hands around Jongin’s wrists and pulls them away from his face to reveal a timid smile.

“I love you, Jongin,” he reminds him again.

Jongin blinks a few times while looking down, something Kyungsoo’s noticed he does when he’s feeling shy.

Their kisses are sweet and innocent for a few minutes or so before curiosity takes over. Careful touches become daring, lips and tongues taste each other with an unquenchable thirst.

Feeling adventurous in his current state of arousal, Kyungsoo strokes his palm against Jongin’s bulge while he undoes the buttons on Kyungsoo’s shirt.

“Why are you wearing a shirt under your shirt?”

Kyungsoo shrugs. “It’s an undershirt.”

Jongin shakes his head. There’s a grin on his lips. “That’s so you.”

Kyungsoo’s fingers tremble lightly as he unzips Jongin’s pants. Now is not a good time to be shy, but his brain keeps reminding him of his lack of experience and it makes him anxious. He feels the wetness of Jongin’s pre-come through the fabric of his briefs. It sends a wave of excitement through him that washes away some of his nerves.

He pulls down Jongin’s underwear. Seeing his business up close and personal for the first time is intimidating to say the least.  “I think I need to ask you something”

“Hmm?”

“Are you uhm… strictly a top?”

Jongin smiles at him. “You want to top?”

“I think so. Maybe. I don’t know. I mean how do people just know without having tried it? I’ve never really had anyone to talk to about any of this.”

“What about Chanyeol and Baekhyun?”

“It’s kind of difficult to have a serious conversation about this kind of stuff with them without someone feeling the need to crack a joke.”

“I can imagine. Let’s talk about it then.”

“You don’t mind?”

“No.”

“You don’t think I’m ruining the mood?”

“You’re not. I like that we can talk about this.”

They sit down on his bed.

“What was it like for you when you had your first time?”

“I wasn’t really sure about my preference either. But my friend was sure about his, so I just topped because he wanted me to.”

Kyungsoo nods.

“Kyungsoo, you’ve imagined having sex before, right?”

“Of course.”

“What position do you usually imagine yourself in when you think about it?”

“Well, it depends. But that’s different, right? I mean I’ve had plenty of fantasies that include things that probably wouldn’t feel good if I actually tried them.”

“Yeah, I suppose that’s true. How about when you touch yourself?”

“I usually just, you know, jerk myself off. Every once in a while I’ll add a finger, but I’ve never tried taking more than two. The position I have to get into to do it isn’t exactly comfortable either.”

“But other than that you like it?”

“Only sometimes. Is that weird?”

“No, not at all.”

“I just don’t think taking all of that—” Kyungsoo looks between Jongin’s legs. “would be a very enjoyable experience for me. I don’t think I’m ready. Not tonight, at least. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize. You don’t have to bottom if you don’t want to. Some people just don’t like it. That’s okay.”

“I’d like to try it once. I hear prostate orgasms are pretty amazing.”

“They are.”

Kyungsoo raises his eyebrows at him.

The corners or Jongin’s lips quirk up as he scratches the back of his head. “I never had a problem with being a top, but I got curious, so I started experimenting with myself.”

“Did you like it right away?”

“It felt weird at first. Not bad, but I just wasn’t used to it. It didn’t take long until it started feeling really good and I wanted to do it more often. I’ve always wanted to try it with someone else.” He looks excited and a little shy.

Kyungsoo’s eyes widen. “Y-you haven’t?”

“No. I didn’t want to do it on camera. I haven’t actually wanted to do it with anyone that isn’t you.” He shrugs as he innocently traces circles on Kyungsoo’s thigh. “I’m glad you want to top. That way it can sort of be the first time for both of us.”

Kyungsoo scoots closer. He puts one hand on the side of Jongin’s neck, the other on his cheek and smiles at him fondly before he kisses him slow but with passion. Jongin’s hand wanders from his thigh up between his legs, where his pants have become uncomfortably tight. He feels relieved when Jongin finally takes them off him. Kyungsoo removes Jongin’s already half undone clothes and breaks away from his lips to admire his body.

“God, you’re so fucking beautiful,” he says out loud without thinking. How original. “You must have heard that a million times before.”

Jongin shakes his head. “No. No one’s ever said it the way you just did. I love how you look at me. I love how you kiss me,” he says leaning in.

“Then you’re going to love how I fuck you,” Kyungsoo says, once again without thinking. He mentally slaps himself for that one. “I’m so sorry, I don’t know why I said that.” He can’t help but facepalm.

Jongin laughs. “Let’s save the dirty talk for some other time.”

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo agrees. He looks down, just to make sure he didn’t kill Jongin’s boner. Nope, still there. And Kyungsoo is so tempted to try something he’s always wanted to do. It’s not like he hasn’t practiced on bananas. Or popsicles. Or conveniently shaped chocolate santas.

He wraps his hand around Jongin’s length first and strokes it a few times before replacing his hand with his lips. He feels even bigger in his mouth than he looks, and Kyungsoo kind of likes it. And judging by the way Jongin leans back and exhales loudly, he likes it too.

Kyungsoo grows more eager with how Jongin strokes his hair back with one hand and traces his back with the other. Feeling adventurous, he sucks on Jongin’s balls, as he feels they’ve been pretty neglected in his movies.

“Ah fuck, Kyungsoo.”

Hearing him say his name spurs him on even more— so much that he’s bopping his head up and down his cock so enthusiastically that Jongin has to stop him in order not to come too soon.

“Come here,” Jongin says, connecting their mouths in a sloppy, heated kiss.

Kyungsoo feels a little light-headed. He doesn’t know how people do this for prolonged periods of time.

He pulls back and holds onto Jongin’s wrists when he tries to take off his shirt. “Do you mind if I keep this on?”

Jongin pouts. “It covers a lot of parts of you I’d like to kiss.”

Kyungsoo sighs in defeat. Hopefully one day he’ll grow immune to that pout or those puppy dog eyes of his. He takes off his shirt a little reluctantly and tries to hide behind his arms once he puts it to the side. “I don’t like people seeing my body.”

Jongin looks him up and down. “I like your body.”

Kyungsoo feels like he’s blushing from head to toe. “You’re just saying that.”

“I’m not.” He nudges Kyungsoo’s arms to the side. “You’re pretty.”

Kyungsoo looks at him skeptically.

“You are. I like your tummy. It’s cute.”

Kyungsoo flinches when Jongin pokes his stomach.

“Sorry, I forgot you’re ticklish. Can I kiss it goodbye before you put your shirt back on?”

Kyungsoo raises his eyebrows at him. “You want to kiss my stomach goodbye, do you? Fine, knock yourself out.”

He should know by the smirk on Jongin’s face that he’s got something mischievous planned. Because it’s not just a little kiss, it’s a lot of kisses. All over his torso. And it doesn’t even tickle him as much as it turns him on. Jongin holds his chin with his thumb and index finger as he gives him a quick peck before handing him back his shirt.

“That was entirely uncalled for and completely unnecessary.”

“Do you want me to do it again?”

“Yes, please,” Kyungsoo admits without looking directly at him.

Jongin lays him down on the bed. He peppers his body with more kisses and massages his thighs before taking his cock into his mouth. Kyungsoo has never felt this aroused in his life. He can’t take it much longer and pulls Jongin close enough to kiss. Kyungsoo lets his hands wander down his back as he feels the warmth of his whole body pressing against his own. He spreads his cheeks and tentatively rubs the pad of his finger against Jongin’s hole.

Jongin flips them over and reaches out to his bedside table to get lube. He spreads his legs, takes Kyungsoo’s hand and squeezes some on his fingers.

Kyungsoo carefully inserts one finger. He stays focused on Jongin’s face to make sure he’s not causing him any discomfort.

“You can go faster.”

Kyungsoo increases the pace slightly.

“Kyungsoo, you don’t have to be so careful with me. You can add another finger too.”

“I’m sorry. I just want to make you feel good.”

“You are. Don’t hold back. I’ll tell you if I’m uncomfortable, okay?”

He continues to stretch him open until Jongin tells him he’s ready.

“How do you want to do this?”

Kyungsoo gives him a confused look.

“What position?”

“Oh. Uhm. Maybe you should be on top so you can control the pace.”

Jongin agrees. Kyungsoo props his back up against the headboard. He’s beginning to feel tense again and kind of wants to put his shirt back on after all. Jongin puts the condom on him and spreads some lube on top of it before positioning himself on top of Kyungsoo. He’s surprised when Jongin pauses.

“I’m really nervous, Kyungsoo.”

Kyungsoo’s laugh comes automatically. “You can’t be nervous, you have too much experience to be nervous.”

Jongin hides his face in the crook of his neck. “I know. It’s just always been different. And none of it ever really meant anything.” He meets Kyungsoo’s eyes after a moment.

He studies Jongin’s face. Sees how soft and vulnerable he looks. Kisses him long and deep. “I find it endearing how big of a softie you are.”

“Shut up, I’m not.”

“Yeah, you are. Look, you’re smiling.”

“If I’m a softie, you’re a softie too.”

“Fine, we’re both big softies, now are we going to fuck or what?”

Jongin begins to laugh hysterically.

“What? I’m just trying to diffuse the tension.”

“I love you,” Jongin chuckles. He kisses his lips before slowly sinking down on his length.

Kyungsoo grasps onto his hips tightly. “Fuck,” he mutters under his breath.

“You okay?”

Kyungsoo nods with parted lips. It takes him a second to remember how to speak. “You?”

Jongin smiles. “Yeah.”

Kyungsoo can feel pearls of sweat beginning to form on his forehead as he begins to move faster. His fingertips dig into Jongin’s skin. He clears his throat. “Jongin, y-you need to go slower.”

“Sorry,” Jongin chuckles.

He wants to hide behind a pillow.

“Don’t be embarrassed. I lasted like two minutes my first time.”

“Two minutes? Well, I’ve already got you beat then.”

“Hey, don’t get cocky,” Jongin warns before he rides him faster.

“Jongin!” he whines.

“You just feel so good, I can’t help myself.”

Kyungsoo grasps onto Jongin’s arm this time instead of his hips. Not a good idea. “Maybe you should stop talking too.” Even the laugh Jongin gives in return turns him on.

“It’s okay, just come if you can’t hold back.”

“I don’t want to yet.”

“You control the pace then.”

Kyungsoo’s a little overwhelmed by that task. He’s probably the worst Jongin’s ever had. The thought helps a little with his arriving-too-early problem.

“Kyungsoo, don’t think so much. You should be enjoying yourself, not worrying.” He tilts up his chin and presses his lips against Kyungsoo’s. Kyungsoo feels a surge of heat rise in his chest when their tongues taste each other. “Just go with it,” Jongin murmurs against his lips with a hint of a smirk.

And Kyungsoo does.

He instinctively wraps his arms around Jongin, holding him tightly as he leans forward and thrusts into him and it’s just like he’s always imagined when he was lying in bed alone, touching himself while Jongin was just a window away. Only it’s better. Way better. Like way,  _way_  better.

“Damn,” Jongin exclaims, taken by surprise.

Kyungsoo goes slow for a while. He focuses on kissing Jongin’s neck when he begins to thrust into him with more force and speed.

Jongin moans Kyungsoo’s name. He moves his hips, riding Kyungsoo while he’s thrusting into him and they find a steady pace together that has them both breathing heavily. Kyungsoo’s hand wraps around Jongin’s cock, jerking him off until he’s sighing with pleasure.

Kyungsoo kisses him hard when he feels himself coming. Jongin spills over his hand soon after. He presses his forehead against Kyungsoo’s, smiling as he holds on to the sides of his face.

“Wow,” is all Kyungsoo can say as he lets himself fall back onto the pillow.

“Yeah, wow,” Jongin agrees, joining him.

“Was I alright?”

“You were amazing.” He turns to his side to peck Kyungsoo’s lips.

“Was I the best you’ve ever had?” Kyungsoo scrunches his nose mockingly.

Jongin seems a little embarrassed about the question. He nods quietly.

“Shut up, you’re just saying that.”

“I’m not. I loved it. I love you. Being with you just feels right. It feels like home.”

Kyungsoo moves closer and put his arm around Jongin. He looks into his eyes for a long time.

“What are you thinking about?”

“I’m not. I’m just,” he smiles. “—happy.”

Jongin affectionately nudges Kyungsoo's nose with his own.

They exchange endless love confessions between kisses and smiles and laughters until they fall asleep.


	15. Coming Over (and out)

“And cut,” Kyungsoo says, pressing the button to stop recording on his phone.

Jongin turns off the music as he catches his breath. “Can I see?”

“Sure, but it’s going to look a lot better if we watch it on a bigger screen.”

“Yeah, let’s do that at your place later, but show me real quick, okay?”

Kyungsoo replays the video of the dance routine for Jongin, whose head is resting on his shoulder.

“You filmed it so well.”

“I just pointed my phone at you. Literally anyone could do this.”

“Yeah, but not as well you do it.”

“Whatever,” Kyungsoo mutters under his breath as he puts his phone in his pocket.

“Hey,” Jongin begins, taking Kyungsoo’s hands into his own. “Why are you so quiet and grumpy lately?”

“I’m always quiet and grumpy. I thought you knew this.”

“Well yeah, but not like this. Are you mad at me?”

“No.”

“Did I do something?”

“No.”

“Is it about last week? You know when we—“

“Jongin, no, it has nothing to do with you, okay? Everything’s fine.”

“So you still like it when I do this?” He pulls him close and locks their lips, playfully darting his tongue out to taste Kyungsoo’s.

Kyungsoo smiles a little after. “Yeah, I do.”

“Good,” Jongin grins. He pecks his lips one more time. “Now show me one of your videos again so I can keep complimenting you on how good you are.”

Kyungsoo squints. “You want to have sex again, don’t you?”

“No! I mean yes, of course, but I’m not trying to suck up to you because of that. Although I could do that if you wanted me to.” He pokes his side.

“Maybe I’ll take you up on that offer later.”

The next moment is filled with both of them wiggling their eyebrows at each other. That’s when you know you’re with the right person, Kyungsoo supposes— when you can do weird, awkward stuff with each other without wanting to die of embarrassment.

Kyungsoo shows him his favorite video he’s ever shot of him. It was one of the first time he’d ever filmed him. He hadn’t planned for it, but when he walked into the studio and saw Jongin dancing so freely bathed in the light of the setting sun, it was captivating that Kyungsoo felt compelled to capture it. The recording doesn’t do the beauty of the actual moment justice, but still, he’d regret it if he hadn’t taken it.

“This would look so much cooler if I filmed it on a DSLR and used a Steadicam.”

“A what and a what?”

“You know those big fancy cameras photographers use?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s a DSLR. A Steadicam is a type of camera rig that allows you to move around as much as you would with a handheld camera but it makes everything look really smooth and fluid.”

“I can’t wait to see what you’re going to make when you actually have access to all this expensive equipment. Have you heard back from film school yet?”

Well, fuck. “Uhm.” Kyungsoo gulps. He slides his finger back and forth on the screen of his phone mindlessly. “Yeah I uh, I didn’t get in.” He peeks at Jongin for a split second before looking away again.

“I’m so sorry.” Jongin reaches out to hug him but Kyungsoo thinks being consoled might make this even worse.

“No, it’s cool. I was kind of relieved actually. I mean I just recently got back into this so it’s probably good that I have another year to figure out what direction I want to go in and what my style is. I wouldn’t just want to go there and be this directionless, mediocre loser amongst a bunch of visionaries, you know?”

“Is that really what you think or are you just telling yourself that so you’ll feel less upset?”

“Maybe both, I don’t know.”

“Don’t give up, okay? There must be plenty of successful filmmakers that struggled before they hit the big time.”

“But what if I’m not even good? What if I’m like one of those singers on a competition show who thinks they’re really talented when it’s clear to everyone that they’re absolutely terrible and basically just become the laughing stock?”

“If that were true, they would have rejected you right away. I know you act like you don’t care that much because you don’t like to get sentimental, and I know sometimes giving up seems like the easy choice. But I also know how much you want this, how much you  _have_ wanted this and how long you’ve been trying to deny it. My opinion might not mean much, because it’s not like I’m a cinematic genius. But what you create means something to me. And it means something to you. And it’ll mean something to someone out there.”

“It sucks being a millennial. We’re all raised on this idea that we’re all special little snowflakes and we have to follow our dreams because everything else is mediocre and we’ll never be happy. But if we’re all so special, then special by it’s very definition just isn’t special. And if nobody wants to do all these shitty, underpaid jobs, then who’s going to do them? I mean someone has to. And then on the other hand we have baby boomers yapping at us like ‘ _oh when I was your age I was already married with three children, a job and a house’,_ but honestly, these days you can work your ass off, try your best and  _still_  never be good enough. Why do we as humans have such an intense need to achieve and beat each other and ourselves? I mean look at society. It’s so dumb. No wonder everyone’s got mental health issues these days. I really don’t get how humans are supposed to be the most intelligent living creatures when we have all these dumb social constructs to consistently make our lives harder and harder, and hold on I just need to—“ Kyungsoo walks straight into the wall, pressing his forehead against it.

It’s not long before Jongin’s arms are around him and he feels all warm and tingly on the inside despite the mess that’s been raging on inside him.

“What can I do to make you feel better?”

Kyungsoo turns around slowly. “Blow me.”

Jongin raises his eyebrows, but smiles. “What?”

“It would get my mind off things.” Kyungsoo shrugs.

“Well in that case, there’s actually something else I wanted to try that I think you might like.”

“What’s that?”

Jongin smirks.

Kyungsoo finds himself gripping tightly onto the ballet bar with one of his legs propped up on it. His breath fogs up the mirror in front of him, clouding the reflection of Jongin on his knees with his face between Kyungsoo’s legs. The image is much too lewd for Kyungsoo to look at without feeling flustered, but fuck, does it feel amazing.

“Feel good, baby?” Jongin asks, stroking his outer thighs.

“Yeah.”

Jongin looks pleased with himself. He places a few kisses on Kyungsoo’s thighs and his cheeks before he buries his face between them again. Kyungsoo gasps at the feeling of Jongin’s tongue against his entrance.

“How good?” He only breaks away briefly enough to ask the question.

“Really—  _ahh—_ really good.” He nearly loses it when he hears a low chuckle resonate from Jongin’s throat.

Jongin’s hands wander up his thighs and squeeze his ass cheeks, spreading them apart as he licks and sucks and kisses his hole more and more eagerly.

Kyungsoo leans his head against the mirror as Jongin’s name falls from his lips. What he’s doing feels wonderful, but the stimulation isn’t enough to push him over the edge— even if he gets close now and then. And the way he knows Jongin, he’s  _very_ aware of that fact. (And in case he’s not, the amount of pre-come dripping on the floor should tip him off.)

Jongin withdraws and slaps Kyungsoo’s butt lightly. “Turn around for me.”

He doesn’t hesitate to give Kyungsoo just what he’d asked for earlier.

Kyungsoo holds on to the bar behind him with one hand, the other is lost in Jongin’s hair as the latter engulfs his length in his mouth and it’s so hot and wet and the sight of him between his legs and the sounds he’s making that—

“I’m gonna come,” Kyungsoo breathes, urging Jongin to withdraw his mouth, but he only sucks him harder. “Jongin, Jongin, I’m gonna—  _fuck_.” His legs quiver as he comes straight down Jongin’s throat, who seems to be enjoying swallowing every last drop of it by the way he smiles and licks his lips when he finally lets Kyungsoo breathe.

Kyungsoo slides down the mirror until he’s sitting on the floor and breathes heavily. He reaches for the water bottle next to him.

“Are you okay?” Jongin chuckles. He brushes the hair that sticks to Kyungsoo’s sweaty skin to the side and kisses his forehead.

“You made me dizzy.”

“We really need to work on your stamina. Maybe you should take one of my dance classes.”

“I’ll most definitely do that.”

“Sure you will.”

“Yeah, totally.”

“I know you’re secretly going to dance along to the videos you took earlier.”

“Speaking of, we should go home and watch those!”

Jongin wears a smug grin. “Alright.”

-

“It’s so weird seeing myself on such a big screen,” Jongin comments as he sits next to Kyungsoo in front of his computer.

“It’s awesome,” Kyungsoo says in a dreamy voice. The video ends with a shot of Jongin from behind, one where his pants are clinging to him in all the right crevices. “You were right, I really am a genius,” Kyungsoo grins.

“Told you,” Jongin says in a singsong voice before he kisses his lips.

“Kyungsoo, do you know where the—“

In a panic, the boys pull away from one another when they hear the voice of Kyungsoo’s dad. Kyungsoo’s eyes widen, seeing him standing right there at the door, obviously having witnessed the kiss.

“I—I’m sorry,” he simply says before leaving the room.

“No, no, no, no, no. I didn’t want my parents to find out like this,” Kyungsoo groans.

“This is all my fault. I’m so sorry Kyungsoo, I wasn’t thinking.”

Kyungsoo stares at the ground. “I need to go talk to him.”

“You’re right. I should leave.”

“Jongin?”

Jongin’s eyes are glossy as he looks at him expectantly.

“Can I come live with you if my parents disown me and throw me out?”

Jongin’s eyebrow quirks just a bit. “I really don’t think they’re going to do that.”

“Can I come live with you if my parents disown me and throw me out?” Kyungsoo asks again, his tone more firm this time. He doesn’t break eye contact or blink even for a second.

Jongin licks his lips, hesitating a moment. “Kyungsoo, they love you, you’re their—“

Kyungsoo nearly begins to shout now. “Can I come live with you if—“

“Yes. Yes, of course.”

“Okay, good,” Kyungsoo says to himself. He takes the biggest breath he’s ever taken before opening the door.

The walk down the stairs feels like half an eternity and yet it’s over way too soon when they’ve made it to the last step.

Kyungsoo looks into the living room. He rubs his sweaty palms on his jeans. Jongin parts his lips to speak, but no sound comes out. He shuts his mouth and looks at him apologetically. He squeezes Kyungsoo’s arm and gives him the most sympathetic look he can muster.

And then Kyungsoo’s by himself. And while he could just stand here for several hours, trying to string the right words together in his head, he decides to just rip off the bandaid and head straight in there.

His dad sits on the couch and watches TV. Kyungsoo can’t read his expression. “Okay, so I guess you’re probably really disappointed or mad or maybe even disgusted, I don’t know. But it doesn’t really change anything. I’m still just… me, you know? I mean I realize that’s not really a consolation, because well, I’m not exactly—“

“Have a seat, son,” his dad says, patting the empty spot next to him on the sofa.

An awkward silence fills the air as Kyungsoo waits for his dad to say something after he sits down.

“You know, I always thought you were ace.”

“What?” Kyungsoo needs a moment to process that before he can say anything else.

“Well, you’ve never shown any interest for girls  _or_ boys.”

“Just because I’ve never shown it doesn’t mean I’ve never had any. And how on earth do you even know asexuality is a thing? I mean you’re old, no offense. And how do you know the slang for it?”

“Because I’m a cool dad.”

Kyungsoo slowly turns his head and raises his eyebrows.

“I’ve got all the hip memes. I know everything that goes on on the world wide web.”

Kyungsoo stares blankly into an imaginary camera as if he was on  _The Office._  This is the most bizarre thing that’s ever happened to him. “No one calls it that, dad.”

“Did I pronounce it wrong? Is it  _me_ - _me_? It is, isn’t it?”

“No, not that, I meant world wide web. Just say internet.” Kyungsoo wonders if he’s still standing at the stairs, or even sitting in his room with Jongin and this is just some weird fabrication his mind made up as a coping mechanism. “So is there anything else you want to say about… you know?”

“Yes. I’m going to knock from now on.”

“O…kay.” Kyungsoo gets up to leave.

“Hey, that Jongin kid wants to be a dancer, right?”

Kyungsoo smiles. “Yeah.”

“Tell him if he ever breaks your heart, I’ll break his legs.”

Kyungsoo has to cover his mouth to stifle his laugh. He stops midway on his way out and turns around to give his dad a quick hug before he practically runs out of the room.

And as he’s a few steps up the stairs he can’t help but notice that the light in the kitchen is on. He sighs. He might as well just tell his mom too while he’s at it.

She sits at the table doing a crossword puzzle.

“Mom?” He sits down on the opposite side of the table. “There’s something I need to tell you.” He gulps.

“What is it, sweetie?”

“You know Jongin, right?”

“You mean the boy whose house you’ve been spending all your time at? Yes.”

“Well, Jongin and I, we’re— he’s my—“ He can’t do this. He thinks he might cry. After running away that is, of course. His mom only briefly glances up from her crossword puzzle. “Do you really not know where I’m going with this?”

“I’ve got a theory, but I won’t know until you tell me, will I?”

“You really need me to say it out loud?”

“Yes.”

What happens after? Will all hell break loose? Will she beat him up with her magazine as if he was an insect? There’s knives in here too. Fucking hell, this is not a good place to be in this type of situation.

“I like boys, I’m gay, me and Jongin are dating, he’s my boyfriend.” It all comes out in one big slur.

She finally puts down her pen. She leans back in her chair and gives Kyungsoo a long, hard stern look. His heart beats so loud that Jongin can probably hear it from next door.

She places her hand over his and smiles. “As long as you’re happy.” She goes back to focusing her attention on the crossword puzzle like it’s no big deal.

“Mom!” Kyungsoo groans as he thumps his head against the table top with one of his arms stretched out across it. “You gave me heart attack. I’m literally having a heart attack right now.”

“You’d be on the floor in excruciating pain if that was true.”

“Why are you so mean to me?” he whines, his voice muffled from pressing his face into his sleeve.

“Why do you think of me as a bad mother? And why do you think I didn’t already know?”

“You knew?”

“Of course I knew.”

“How?”

She withdraws from the magazine to focus her attention on him. “You’ve been told you resemble your father, right?”

“Yes.”

“I’ve seen the way you look at Jongin. It’s exactly how your father used to look at me when we first fell in love.”

Kyungsoo props his chin up in the palm of his hand while he listens to her talk.

“I remember what that felt like, Kyungsoo. And for you to be experiencing it— well, I’m just over the moon for you. Even if it is with a boy.”

“So you’re okay with it, but you’d rather have me dating girls.” He looks down. He shouldn’t be picky, he supposes, and this has already turned out better than he expected, but he wishes his mom would be happy for him, period _._ So it means she  _is_ disappointed, at least to some degree, and Kyungsoo hates disappointing people. Because apparently that’s all he’s good at.

“Only because you’d be facing less judgement from society.”

“That’s the only reason?”

“That’s the only reason. Why don’t you invite Jongin over to dinner on sunday?”

He straightens his back with excitement. “Really?”

“You want to go over and tell him, don’t you?”

“Dying to.”

“Well, then what are you waiting for?”

Kyungsoo gets up so fast, he almost knocks the chair over in the process. He runs towards the door with a yell of “I love you, mom.”

He takes the minute that it takes Jongin to open the door to compose himself and catch his breath. Maybe Jongin was right about working on his stamina.

“Hi.”

“Hey. You didn’t bring any of your stuff, so I take it that’s a good sign.”

A small smile makes its way on Kyungsoo’s lips as he nods. “Yeah. They were surprisingly cool with it.” He feels so fucking relieved.

“Didn’t I tell you they loved you?”

“See, there’s something you need to know about me, or about my way of thinking, to be exact. My brain functions like this: when in doubt, jump straight to the worst case scenario.”

“You shouldn’t stress yourself out that much.”

“It’s not like I choose to. It just happens automatically.”

“You know what the best thing to do with fears and negativity is?”

“Channel them into art.”

Jongin throws his head back. “Ah, you get me.” He reaches for Kyungsoo’s hands and pulls him towards him.

Kyungsoo thinks he might want to show Jongin some more of what he’s made, something he won’t have a biased opinion on because he’s in it. Maybe something a little more personal.

“Also, Kyungsoo… I know everything went well, still I’m sorry I got you into that situation in the first place.”

“I’m glad it’s out now. Maybe it was best this way. Sometimes I need to get pushed into doing things, otherwise I’ll avoid them forever.”

“I wasn’t trying to push you into—“

Kyungsoo wraps his hand around the back of Jongin’s neck and pulls him down until their lips are close enough to touch. “Shh. I know.” Jongin breathes a small sigh of relief before Kyungsoo’s lips press against his softly.

They smile at each other lazily once their kiss ends. Kyungsoo laughs a little when he remembers something. “You know what my dad said? He said he’d break your legs if you broke my heart.”

Jongin doesn’t seem as amused by it as he was. “I don’t have any intentions of doing that, Kyungsoo.”

 _Oh Jongin, you oblivious cutie._ “You’re supposed to be laughing.”

“But it’s not funny, I don’t want to break your heart.”

“Ah, forget about it. Maybe you had to be there.”

Jongin’s lips are still in a pout, a look of confusion on his face.

“You look like a lost puppy.”

And he looks even more so now that he cocks his head to the side. How is Kyungsoo supposed to resist him like this?

“Come here, you.” Kyungsoo kisses his pout away. “Oh before I forget, my mom asked me to invite you over for dinner on sunday.”

“She did?” He seems strangely excited about it. And… emotional?

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. It’s just… it’s nice to feel welcome somewhere.”

Kyungsoo looks at him sympathetically. “Your parents didn’t take it so well when you told them?”

“I never did. I didn’t have to. They already disapproved of me enough as it was.”

Kyungsoo pulls him into a warm embrace. He holds him tight and strokes his hair in a soothing manner. “You’ll always be welcome in my arms,” he tells him softly.

He lifts Jongin’s shirt over his head once they’re in his bedroom and lets it fall to the side. It still amazes him how beautiful he is. He wants to let him know. Not so much with words—because he fails to find any that would be sufficient enough, but with small caresses of his fingertips and lips that start out careful and delicate before growing into passionate touches and kisses strong enough to make the heartbeat below Kyungsoo’s fingers quicken. He’s been too shy to leave marks, but tonight he wants to, just so Jongin can look in the mirror and smile when he sees them, because they serve as a reminder of how much his boyfriend loves him.

Jongin’s sounds are much different from the full-fledged moans he’s performed on screen. Instead they’re small little hums that turn to more audible sighs when Kyungsoo cups his crotch through his pants and rubs lightly. He even gets a chuckle when he lets his tongue glide over Jongin’’s nipple.

“It tickles.”

“You don’t like being tickled? Interesting,” Kyungsoo says before moving on to his other nipple.

“ _Ah_ , Kyungsoo, stop,” Jongin giggles.

“Promise me you’ll never tickle me again.”

“But you get all cute and—  _ahh_ ,” he squirms beneath his tongue when Kyungsoo sucks the bud into his mouth and nibbles at it. “Okay, okay, fine, I promise.”

“Your cock’s been twitching and leaking an awful lot, considering you  _didn’t_  like that,” Kyungsoo notes.

“It’s not that it’s not arousing, I’m just  _really_  sensitive there.”

Kyungsoo experimentally swipes his thumb over it instead. “How’s that?”

“Better. But I still prefer you kissing my neck.”

“I can do that.” He likes the sound Jongin makes when he gives him what he wants.

He discards his boxers and uses a small amount of lube to help his hand slide over his length more smoothly. His tongue traces the outlines of Jongin’s abs, feeling them tense up as his hand moves faster. He kisses his way up his torso as he senses him getting closer.

Jongin rocks his hips up into Kyungsoo’s touch. His breathing grows labored and his gasps become louder.  _Almost there._

Kyungsoo hovers over Jongin’s lips when he releases into his hand, a look of bliss on his face as his eyes fall shut. He waits a moment until Jongin’s breathing has calmed a little to slip his tongue past his lips.

“That was hot,” Jongin smirks.

Kyungsoo streaks his finger through the come on Jongin’s stomach, thinking of earlier. “I’m curious.”

“About what?”

“What is tastes like.”

Jongin dips his middle and index finger in the liquid and brings them to Kyungsoo’s lips. “Try it.”

Kyungsoo accepts his fingers into his mouth and licks them clean. It’s salty, kind of bitter. It’s similar to his own taste in that way, yet still completely different.

“Tasty?” Jongin looks amused.

Kyungsoo shrugs. “Well, it’s come…”

“Not the greatest taste in the world, I know.” He grabs some tissues to wipe them both clean.

“Why’d you swallow mine earlier?”

“Because yours tastes like cotton candy and marshmallows.”

Kyungsoo squints at him. Seems like his talent with sarcasm has rubbed off on Jongin.

“Because it’s a turn-on for most guys and in the heat of the moment, the taste doesn’t really matter that much. The look on your face was priceless,” he explains with that smug, self-indulgent smirk on his lips that Kyungsoo hates for making him feel so defenseless.

The thought of Jongin’s reaction when he’ll do the same thing to him next time makes Kyungsoo stir with excitement—until Jongin pulls him into his arms to cuddle and make him feel all soft again that is, of course.


	16. Bottom's Up

“Come on, do it.”

“I’m trying.”

“Just push it in.”

“I can’t, Kyungsoo.”

“What do you mean you can’t?”

“I mean it physically won’t go in. I told you you’re not ready yet.”

Kyungsoo lets out an annoyed sigh and hands Jongin the lube.

“Why are you so impatient?” Jongin asks quietly. He lubes up his fingers and carefully rubs them against Kyungsoo’s hole before slipping his index finger past his rim.

“Because I’m horny and I want you to fuck me.” He tenses when Jongin adds a second finger. One’s fine, but two feel pretty uncomfortable. He doesn’t get it. It’s just two fucking fingers.

“Relax,” Jongin tells him in a soothing voice.

“I  _am_  relaxed.”

“You’re anything but.”

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes. This is as relaxed as he can get right now and the thought that he isn’t relaxed enough only makes him tense up more. He tries readjusting the position of his hips a little and wraps his hand around his length in an attempt to make himself feel more comfortable. It helps a bit, but then Jongin adds a third finger and Kyungsoo just doesn’t understand how anyone could possibly enjoy this. Where is the magic he’s seen in all those videos online? Is there something wrong with him? He’s starting to question wether he even has a goddamn prostate.

Nevertheless he gets used to the stretch after a while. He can’t say it feels good, but it’s bearable.

“Okay, go ahead.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

Jongin doesn’t look too happy with the tone of annoyance in Kyungsoo’s voice. He positions himself in front of him and slowly pushes in.

 _God, he’s so fucking big._  He’s suddenly extremely thankful he’ll never have to give birth.

“Are you okay?”

“It… hurts,” he admits through gritted teeth.

“Do you want me to stop?”

“No.” He’s gotten this far already, he’s not giving up now.  _It’s okay,_ he tells himself.  _In a few minutes it’ll feel good._  But until then he’ll just dig his fingertips into Jongin’s bicep.

Jongin begins to thrust at a slow pace, entering him a bit more with every move of his hips. Kyungsoo winces once Jongin’s fully sheathed in him.

“Just breathe,” Jongin says softly. He gently strokes Kyungsoo’s hair back and kisses his forehead.

“What the hell do you think I’m doing here?” He nearly grunts.

Jongin doesn’t answer. He continues thrusting carefully for a few more minutes. But it still doesn’t feel anywhere near good and Kyungsoo can’t help but grimace. He’s pretty sure at this point he’s left a permanent handprint on Jongin’s arm from holding on too tightly. He’s so annoyed at himself for being unable to enjoy this. One more  _‘ow’_ from Kyungsoo and Jongin pulls out. He pulls off the condom, and sits with his back against the headboard hugging his pillow. His lips are in a pout and his eyes are directed to the left side of the room, away from Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo’s lower half feels relieved, but now he’s worried he’s really pissed Jongin off. “Why’d you stop?”

“Have you ever thought that maybe it’s not fun for me when I’m trying to make you feel good and I’m trying to give you tips and no matter what I do, you’re uncomfortable, bitchy, and for some reason still convinced to keep going?”

Kyungsoo feels like such a dick. He’s been so selfish. He crawls over next to Jongin. “I’m sorry.”

Jongin doesn’t seem to care for his apology.

Kyungsoo nudges his arm.

Nothing.

He kisses Jongin’s shoulder.

Jongin still won’t look at him, but he thinks he can see his expression soften a bit. He scoots closer and kisses his cheek. He could keep going, but luckily Jongin finally reacts.

“Why are you trying so hard to be a bottom anyway if it doesn’t feel good?”

“I told you, it’s not about being a bottom, I just want to know what a p—“

“Prostate orgasm feels like, yeah. But it’s not going to happen if you force yourself. Maybe it would be better if you tried it alone, when you have more patience.”

“I’m even less patient when I’m by myself.”

“How is that even possible?”

Maybe he’s just a hopeless case. Jongin looks like he’s about to say something else, but doesn’t. “What?”

“Nothing.”

“You were about to say something. Tell me.”

Jongin doesn’t seem very excited by that idea.

“I won’t roll my eyes or complain, I promise.”

Jongin hesitates a moment before he speaks. “When you’re with me, you take your time until I’m ready. And I don’t have to tell you anymore, you read my body well enough to know when that is. So next time when you’re by yourself, be as patient with yourself as you would be with me. Take your time and wait for your body to signal you that you’re ready. It’s supposed to feel good.”

Whenever Kyungsoo realizes how much his boyfriend cares about him, he gets this feeling in his chest. Like his heart is a giant marshmallow and the warmth of Jongin’s words makes it all melty and gooey. He leans over to kiss him and tries to pull the pillow out of Jongin’s arms, but it seems Jongin isn’t fully done sulking yet.

_Well, two can play that game._

Kyungsoo kneels in between Jongin’s legs. He gives Jongin his best puppy dog eyes and pouts. “Do you not love me anymore?” he asks, batting his eyelashes. 

Jongin can’t ignore him any longer—not for lack of trying though. He finally gives in with a sigh. “Of course I love you, you idiot,” he admits.

Kyungsoo goes for the pillow again, so it can be him in Jongin’s arms instead. Jongin hits him with it once before Kyungsoo can throw it to the side and steal another kiss or two. “Let me make it up to you.”

Jongin squints at him. “You better fuck me good.”

“I will.”

“Oh yeah? Prove it.”

Kyungsoo doesn’t waste a second to flip him over and leave a trail of wet kisses down his back. Jongin holds on to the headboard when he gets caught off-guard by how eagerly Kyungsoo buries his face between his cheeks.

“ _Ahh,_ I can’t wait,” Jongin moans, handing Kyungsoo the lube.

“You sure you don’t want me to  _take my time_?” Kyungsoo says in a mocking tone as he puts on a condom.

“We fucked yesterday, I’m ready to go whenever you are, babe,” Jongin grins, wiggling his butt suggestively. Kyungsoo slaps it lightly before pushing in.

He leans forward, pressing his body against Jongin’s.  _That’s more like it._

Jongin peeks over his shoulder. “Are you enjoying yourself now?”

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo smiles. “I love this. I love you.” He kisses his lips, then along his jaw and neck, over to his shoulder. He wraps his arms around Jongin’s torso tightly, as if he never wants to let go.

“You’re like a koala.”

“What?”

“You’re so clingy.”

Kyungsoo pauses. He loosens his grip and is about to withdraw his arms completely when Jongin pulls them back around him.

“My koala,” Jongin whispers. He runs his fingers through Kyungsoo’s hair and kisses the tip of his nose.

Kyungsoo isn’t one to kinkshame, but he still hopes this isn’t an indication his boyfriend’s secretly a furry.

He grimaces and lets out an overdramatic moan. Jongin turns around to give him a skeptical look. “Did you just—“ He squints, looking doubtful.

“Sorry, I just couldn’t help it with all that dirty talk.” Kyungsoo smirks.

Jongin’s jaw drops. “You’re so mean,” he says, trying to hold back laughter as he pokes Kyungsoo’s stomach to tickle him.

Kyungsoo pulls out and backs away from him. He’s still wearing a smug smile. He sits down and leans back as if he has all the time in the world.

Jongin eyes him with a look of confusion on his face. Once he realizes what Kyungsoo’s doing, he retaliates. “Oh, I see,” he says, raising his chin. He lies on his back and gets comfortable, then spreads his legs, showing Kyungsoo everything. He folds his hands behind his head and looks at him with bedroom eyes. “Go ahead, try to resist me.”

It’s tempting—it wouldn’t be Jongin if it wasn’t, but Kyungsoo is in the mood to tease, and he wonders what Jongin’s reaction will be if he doesn’t get his way. He does his best to appear as calm and patient as he can, even though he’s having a hard time not jumping on Jongin. It doesn’t help that he keeps staring him dead in the eyes as if he can see right through what he’s doing.

Kyungsoo somehow keeps his composure nonetheless, long enough for Jongin to make a move anyway.

“Fine.” He licks his lips and runs his fingers through his hair before bringing his hand down his body slowly. “If you’re not going to touch me, I’ll just have to do it myself, won’t I?”

Jongin looks like he’s thoroughly enjoying himself as he puts on a private show for Kyungsoo, and it quickly makes him realize he doesn’t stand a chance. Jongin’s done this for a living after all.

Kyungsoo smiles and slowly makes his way over to Jongin.

“That was easier than I thought.”

“If I’m mean, you’re just plain rude,” Kyungsoo says before kissing his lips.

“You have a promise to keep, remember?”

Kyungsoo doesn’t waste any more time and picks up where he left off earlier. He puts Jongin’s legs up on his shoulders and leans forward to hover over him, basically bending him in half. Jongin grabs onto Kyungsoo’s arms and gasps.

“You like that angle?”

Jongin’s lips are still parted as he answers with a nod. A few more thrusts and he begins to laugh a little, uttering a breathy “ _fuck.”_

“I can’t believe you’re enjoying this,” Kyungsoo says quietly. His ass still feels sore from earlier.

“Believe it,” Jongin says with a grin before throwing his head back.

Kyungsoo strokes Jongin’s length as he speeds up the pace, loving how his moans increase as he gets him close.

Jongin comes with his eyes scrunched shut, eyebrows furrowed and his mouth opened in a silent scream.

Still in a playful mood, Kyungsoo continues jerking him off without slowing down.

Jongin tries to push his hand away, but Kyungsoo won’t let him. “Kyungsoo, stop it,  _ahh.”_ He keeps squirming under his touch, unable to keep his hips still.

“Why? It feels good, no?”

“You know exactly why, you little—“

Kyungsoo is amused by how Jongin bites his lip to keep from calling him names. He slows down a little, almost stopping before he goes back to a fast enough pace to make Jongin kick his legs in the air with laughter.

He flips them over and starts jerking Kyungsoo off instead. He kisses his neck and massages one of his thighs with his free hand, sending him into sensory overload until Kyungsoo comes too.

“Okay, you can stop, I get it,” Kyungsoo says as calmly as he can manage.

“What? You’re not telling me it’s too  _sensitive,_  are you?”

“I’ve learned my lesson,” Kyungsoo chuckles as he tries to loosen Jongin’s grip.

Jongin doesn’t stop, so Kyungsoo really has no other choice but to go straight for his nipples. They play-wrestle for a few more moments before the come to a halt to catch their breath.

Jongin looks down his own body. “Oh good, it hasn’t fallen off yet.”

Kyungsoo leans against his chest and laughs. Jongin kisses his forehead.

“Are you excited for tomorrow?”

“Yes. It’s about time you get to meet my friends.”

“Well, I’ve already kind of met them at the convention.”

“You  _saw_  them, you didn’t exactly talk to them.”

“Right. Do you really think it’s that great of an idea to bring Baekhyun and Chanyeol?”

“Would you rather it was just you, me, Sehun and Minseok?”

“That’d be kind of nerve-wracking. I just hope those idiots behave.”

Jongin wraps his arm around him. “Don’t worry about that, just go to sleep.”

“I don’t think I can.”

“Try,” Jongin says with his eyes already closed.

“Will you sing me a lullaby?”

“I can’t sing.”

“Do it anyway.”

“Uhm,” Jongin pauses, then chuckles a little.

Kyungsoo smiles at the sound before nodding off. “It’s okay, that’ll do.”


	17. Carnival

Kyungsoo stares at the mirror, unable to decide what to do with his hair today. He kind of feels like styling it up. Yeah, maybe he’ll just do that. Jongin seems to like it that way. He squeezes a dollop of gel into the palm of his hand, but pauses before working it into his hair. On second thought gel doesn’t seem like the best idea when you plan on having someone run their fingers through your hair later that night. But he doesn’t just want to leave it the way it is. He washes the product off his hand and ruffles his hair with wet fingers, pulling at some strands to make it look more messy. Sex hair. That works.

“Finally!” Baekhyun exclaims dramatically when Kyungsoo comes down the stairs.

“Okay, first of all, I’m two minutes early. Second of all, you could  _not_  have been here for more than five minutes.”

Baekhyun shrugs. “Five minutes is a long time when you’ve got nothing to do.” He takes a look at Kyungsoo’s hair and raises a skeptical eyebrow at him, but luckily doesn’t comment.

“Mom, I’m leaving.”

“Where are you going, sweetie?”

“We’re going to the carnival with a few guys from Jongin’s old work,” Kyungsoo says absentmindedly as he checks the mirror to adjust his hair one more time.

“Oh, what did Jongin used to do?”

He freezes.  _Shit._

“He used to do porn,” Baekhyun chimes in.

Kyungsoo stares at him with his eyes so wide they nearly pop out of their sockets. He is  _dead._

There’s an awkward moment of silence that feels like it lasts forever.

“His friends are still pornstars,” Baekhyun adds, smiling nonchalantly.

Yup, Kyungsoo is  _definitely_  killing him.

The silence continues for way too long. Finally, his mother begins to laugh. “Ah Baekhyun, always so funny.” Much to Kyungsoo’s luck she departs to the living room and doesn’t ask any more questions.

“Let’s go,” Baekhyun says, opening the door, as if none of that just happened.  

“Perfect timing!” Chanyeol shouts from Jongin’s porch.

The four of them are halfway towards the street when Kyungsoo stops and yanks Baekhyun back by his shirt to promptly pull him into a chokehold.

“Ow! What the hell are you doing?” He stammers while trying to pull Kyungsoo’s arm away from his throat.

“Murdering you.”

“Oh come on, she thought I was joking!”

“Well, I for one didn’t find it funny, you dick.” He tightens his grip when Baekhyun tries to wiggle his way out from underneath his arms.

“Kyung _—_ soo, let—go—of—me,” Baekhyun grunts when he gets a rare chance to catch his breath long enough to get a syllable out. He jabs his elbow into Kyungsoo’s gut which is effective enough to get a chance to tickle him until Kyungsoo finally lets go and they push each other away.

He signalizes to Baekhyun that he’s out for blood with his best death glare, then charges a vile attack which ends up with him and Baekhyun flapping their arms at each other while maintaining maximum body distance.

Kyungsoo stops at once when he hears a deep voice. “Adorable,” Chanyeol says, followed by a chuckle.

Oh, he’ll show him adorable, alright.

Chanyeol runs and hides behind Jongin when Kyungsoo comes for him.

“What’s going on?” Jongin asks.

“Nothing. We’re going to be late for the bus, come on.” Kyungsoo grabs Jongin’s hand and walks quickly to distance himself and Jongin from the other two.

Kyungsoo spends the majority of the ride staring out the window with his arms crossed. Jongin nudges his knee with his own. “Hey.”

Kyungsoo blinks at him, confused.

“Tell me.”

“Tell you what?”

“What happened earlier?”

Kyungsoo can’t help his eyes from rolling. “Doesn’t matter.”

“Yes, it does. You’re upset, I can tell.”

Kyungsoo sighs. He knows Jongin is going to drag it out of him eventually. “Baekhyun told my mom you did porn.”

“I had the situation under control,” Baekhyun cuts in from the seat behind him. Kyungsoo doesn’t bother turning around. “Why are you so ashamed about your boyfriend’s past anyway?”

Kyungsoo snaps. “That’s not the point, dickwad. The point is if anyone’s ever going to tell her it should be Jongin himself.”

“Baekhyun, I’m trying to date this boy. Porn isn’t really something to tell the parents about,” Jongin grimaces. He doesn’t seem as pissed about it as Kyungsoo.

“I’m sorry,” Baekhyun says after a moment.

Jongin seems to think Kyungsoo doesn’t notice the way he’s nodding his head towards him.

Baekhyun seems reluctant to take the hint, but finally he does. “I’m sorry, Kyungsoo.”

Kyungsoo smiles. He turns around. “Hey, if this ever comes up again, why don’t you tell her how you found out about it?”

Chanyeol claps his hands as he laughs. Baekhyun squints at Kyungsoo. “Touché.”

“Oh, they’re already there,” Jongin says when he spots Minseok and Sehun as the bus comes to a halt. Kyungsoo can see the excitement in his face and it’s so endearing.

They attack-hug him as soon as they see him. The introductions that follow are a little awkward and Kyungsoo begins to feel nervous. He puts his hands in his pockets as they walk around and sticks to Chanyeol and Baekhyun while the other three chat happily, catching up after not having seen each other for a while. He’s used to third-wheeling, so fifth-wheeling shouldn’t be a problem.

He feels a little more at ease as he looks around. He’s always loved it here. It’s a place that holds a lot of great memories for him; like his grandparents taking him here when he was a kid, and it seemed like the most magical place in the world, or when he started going here with his friends from school and it felt so exciting to go without parental guidance for the first time. He remembers everyone saving up their allowance and spending everything in one night just to ride the rides; how at first they were so scary and once you’ve done it you just wanted to go again and again. He catches the sugary, sweet scent of cotton candy in the air and makes a mental note to buy some later.

“So, do you guys want to ride?” Minseok asks once they come to a halt halfway around the lot.

Baekhyun stares at him confused. He looks like he just got approached by an alien. “Uhm, you know, I’m honored, truly,” he says, putting his hand on his chest. “But me and Chanyeol just got together and I don’t think either of us will be riding anyone but each other anytime soon. Thank you so much for the offer though.”

Kyungsoo knew bringing the two of them was a mistake.

“I was talking about the rides,” Minseok explains, pointing to one behind them.

Kyungsoo presses his lips together to stifle his laugh. He catches Jongin looking at him with his hand covering his mouth. Kyungsoo can hear him suppressing a chuckle when Jongin presses his forehead against his shoulder and squeezes his hand.

“Oh,” Baekhyun says dumbfounded. “I knew that. I was just joking. No, we don’t want to ride any rides. Those are for children.”

“Then why are we here?” Sehun whines.

Kyungsoo’s stomach answers for him. Funny how it only ever seems to do that when there’s people around.

Jongin pats Kyungsoo’s tummy. “Agreed. Let’s go get some food.”

“Here, try this, it’s really good,” Kyungsoo says, offering Jongin a churro.

“How can you still be eating? I feel like I’ve eaten my body weight in deep fried junk,” Jongin groans, holding his stomach.

Kyungsoo gives him a judgmental look. “You’re weak.”

Jongin pinches his side.

“Maybe we should work on your stamina.”

“Maybe you should learn not to talk when your mouth’s full.”

“I can’t hear you over how good this is.”

Jongin glances over at the remaining churros in Kyungsoo’s hand. For a moment it looks like he’s contemplating but then he looks away.

“Come on, just eat one if you want to.”

“I can’t do this to my body.”

“Jongin, you’re starting college next week, you’re allowed to have at least one last day of eating like a regular teenager before you have to reduce your diet to chicken breast and salad.”

Jongin finally grabs a churro and takes a bite. “I do eat other things, you know. I just don’t know how to make them without setting the kitchen on fire.”

“So you really are good at salad tossing, huh?” Chanyeol chimes in from behind them.

“Yes,” Kyungsoo, Sehun and Minseok answer simultaneously. They all look at each other and it’s awkward but somewhat funny and Kyungsoo can’t help but smile a little bit.

Jongin laughs triumphantly. “Extremely.” He nudges Kyungsoo’s shoulder and gives him a flirty smirk.

“Why is it called salad tossing anyway?” Minseok asks.

“I looked it up on Urban Dictionary once,” Sehun tells him.

“And?”

“Yeah, I still don’t know.”

“Maybe something about the circular motion and it being really wet,” Kyungsoo says absentmindedly. The other boys stare at him. “Just a theory.” He innocently munches on another churro.

“It’s always the quiet ones,” Baekhyun notes.

“You have no idea,” Jongin says in a voice so low that only Kyungsoo can hear. They exchange a mischievous smile.

Kyungsoo follows Jongin’s eyes when he suddenly stops. Next to them is a booth with a shooting game.

“I always wanted one of those.” Jongin points a large teddy bear.

“Duck shooting,” Kyungsoo begins with a smirk as he watches the cardboard ducks go by. “I used to be pretty good at that.”

“Think you can still do it?”

“Let’s find out. I’m going to win a big bear for my big bear.”

Chanyeol looks back and forth between them skeptically. His eyes linger on Jongin the longest. “I think he’s a touch too twinky to be considered a bear.”

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes. “Not that kind of bear, you perv.”

“Hey, you knew what I meant though,” Chanyeol says pointing a finger at him.

“Although he does have really hairy legs,” Kyungsoo notes, looking at Jongin’s calves.

“We can’t all be as smooth and hairless as you.”

“Yeah, what’s the deal with that by the way?” Chanyeol asks. “Do you shave? Because your eyebrows suggest a whole different situation.” He turns to look at Jongin. “Does he have pubic hair?”

“Chanyeol, please,” Baekhyun chimes in. “Does he?” he asks after a second.

“I’m not one to kiss and tell,” Jongin says, smiling confidently before pulling Kyungsoo towards the booth.

They return ten minutes later victoriously with Kyungsoo carrying a giant teddy bear.

“Whoa, how’d you do that?” Minseok asks, eyes wide with amazement.

Sehun raises a skeptical eyebrow. “Are you secretly a spy?”

“It’s quite simple actually, I just imagined Baekhyun’s face in place of the ducks.”

“Glad I could help,” Bakehyun says with a smile that says  _fuck you._

“Plus, I had my own personal cheerleader,” Kyungsoo adds, looking at Jongin.

Jongin tries to hug him, but it’s not that easy with the huge teddy in the way. It’s too big to hold with one hand and Kyungsoo doesn’t want to put it on the dirty ground.

Baekhyun groans as he takes the bear. “You two have a real talent at making things unnecessarily complicated, you know that?”

Jongin squeezes Kyungsoo tight, picking him up slightly in the process. “Thank you,” he says, kissing him on the cheek. “Oh bathrooms! I’ll be right back.”

Kyungsoo doesn’t know how to feel about Minseok and Sehun smiling at him. He looks for Chanyeol and Baekhyun and spots them over at the duck shooting booth. He’d go over there to avoid the awkward silence, but how fucking stupid would that look? He just hopes Jongin pees quick.

“He really is cute,” Minseok says.

_What?_

Sehun looks at him. “Yeah, it really does make it hard to hate him for stealing Jongin from porn, huh?”

_The fuck?_

Both of them begin to laugh. Kyungsoo stands still and stares like a deer caught in headlights.

“It’s a joke. Kris always refers to you as  _that twink who stole Jongin from porn_ ,” Minseok explains.

Sehun nods. “And one second it’s like he hates you, the next he’s talking like he wants to recruit you.”

Kyungsoo wonders if there’s a literal question mark over his head right now because that’s how confused he is as to what to do with that information or how to react. “I didn’t mean to-“ he looks down and takes a long pause- “s-steal him. I thought he wanted to quit.”

“He did,” Sehun reassures him. “I think it was pretty clear from the day he met you. He was a bit of a mess when he moved and then suddenly he was always smiling. It all made sense when he mentioned you. And once he did, he never stopped talking about you.”

“I remember the last scene we filmed together. The whole crew had to wait because he was having performance issues. So I sat down and talked to him. He was so stressed out because you had just started dating but everything moved so quickly that one day was too soon to tell you and the next it was too late. He said he felt like he was cheating on you.”

“What did you say to him?”

“I told him it’s his job, that it’s just acting. It helped a little bit, but he was still having a hard time. It didn’t help when you found out before he got a chance to tell you, of course.”

Kyungsoo sighs. “I know the way I reacted was stupid. I’ll admit I was relieved when he told me he quit, but if he wanted to continue I’d accept it. I’d have to, jealousy and all that aside. I mean what is it like for you? Are you guys dating anyone?”

“Nope,” Sehun says, mouth turning into an upside down U shape.

“I am. I think my boyfriend and I actually had a good laugh when I told him about it,” Minseok smiles.

“So he’s totally okay with it?”

“He is. He trusts me. But it’s different for you guys. You’re young and in love for the first time, and I get it. It’s that phase where everything’s new and exciting and you don’t want to be with anyone else, right?”

“You sound like a grandpa,” Sehun comments.

Minseok continues, ignoring him. “What I’m trying to say is, you and Jongin are on the same page regarding his porn career, so don’t beat yourself up about holding him back. You’re not, trust me.”

“So you guys don’t hate me for stealing him from porn?”

“Are you kidding? We encouraged him to run after you when you told him you loved him at Exxxoticon.”

“Wait, what?”

“You were already gone.”

“He never told me about that.”

“Maybe because he cried like a baby after. You didn’t hear that from me.”

“I’m back,” Jongin announces as he joins them.

Minseok checks the time on his phone. “Wow. No more carnival food for you.”

“There was a really long line.”

They look at him skeptically.

“I didn’t go number two.”

“Okay.”

“Really, I just peed.”

“Alright, I believe you,” Kyungsoo says.

“What are you smiling about?”

“Did you really try to find me after I confessed to you at the convention?”

Jongin looks at Sehun and Minseok who spark a sudden interest in the bumper cars near them.

“Yeah, I did. But I was too late.”

“What would you have said?”

Jongin purses his lips, contemplating. “I think I would have just held you. That’s all I wanted in that moment, to be close to you.”

“Ah, young love, am I right, Minseok?” Sehun mocks, putting his arm around Minseok’s shoulder.

Minseok crosses his arms. “I look younger than you, you’ll have wrinkles when you’re my age.”

“We’ll see about that.”

Kyungsoo startles when a giant teddy appears next to him. He quickly realizes that Baekhyun is still holding on to it. Chanyeol stands on his other side holding a small yellow toy in his hand. Kyungsoo eyes it condescendingly. “Is that the best you could do?”

“I wanted this.”

“You wanted a minion plush?”

“Yes,” Chanyeol says through gritted teeth.

“Alright, kiddos, it’s getting dark. Let’s ride the ferris wheel while we still can,” Baekhyun half-shouts from behind the bear.

“Ferris wheel?” Jongin asks.

“Yeah, it’s our tradition. Come on,” Kyungsoo says, taking his hand.

He’s relieved the gondolas are only big enough to fit two people inside. Just him and Jongin. The thought makes him smile.

“It’s been a few years since I’ve been on this. I feel like a kid again,” Kyungsoo says, feeling nostalgic as he looks outside.

They ferris wheel comes to a halt when they’re at the top, making the gondola rock back and forth slightly.

“Why are we stopping? Is there something wrong?” Jongin sounds concerned.

“That’s normal. Have you never been on one of these?” Kyungsoo turns to look at him when he stays quiet.

He sees him looking down at the floor. He’s rubbing his palms against his jeans.

“Jongin? Are you okay?”

“I don’t like heights.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I didn’t want to make a big deal about it.”

“You could have waited outside.”

“And worry about you all being up here? That wouldn’t have made it better.” His eyes are still fixed on the ground.

Kyungsoo puts his hand on Jongin’s. “I’m sure if you see the view you’ll forget all about it.”

Jongin peeks up at him. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, it’s really pretty, look,” he says nodding over at the view.

Jongin hesitantly lifts his head and takes a look outside. It’s the middle of the sunset and the sky is reminiscent of the cotton candy Kyungsoo can’t wait to get his hands on as soon as they get off.

“It is pretty,” Jongin says, smiling a little.

“See, I told you.”

Jongin carefully scoots a little closer to the edge, letting him see more. His eyes move down and he’s frozen for a second while his smile fades and he nearly jumps back to the middle of his seat, his eyes wide as he focuses them on the ground again. “Fuck, that’s really high.”

“On the first and last day they have fireworks. I bet that would be a good distraction.”

“God, no.”

“What, are you scared of fireworks too?”

“I’m not scared of them, they’re just… loud. They make me jumpy,” Jongin says. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.

Kyungsoo can’t focus knowing Jongin is feeling like this. He wants to distract him, wants to make him feel better. He leans forward and tilts up his chin before gently pressing his lips against Jongin’s.

“Does that make it any better?” Kyungsoo asks in a low voice, only breaking away slightly.

“A little,” Jongin admits.

Kyungsoo parts his lips to kiss him again when the ferris wheel begins to turn again, the sudden movement sends him falling forward, letting out a involuntary ‘ _whoa’_ before landing right in Jongin’s lap. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Jongin says back, both of them grinning at each other before connecting their lips.

“See, we’ve made it down alive,” Kyungsoo says after pulling away.

“Are you proud of me?”

“Very. I’ll even share my cotton candy with you.”

“Kyungsoo?” Jongin asks when they stand in line.

“Yes?”

Jongin looks at him for a long time. “Get the pink one,” he says tone quiet but serious before looking away.

Kyungsoo laughs. “I will. Just for you, Jongin. Just for you.” He pats his butt.

Walking out of the lot with his friends while sharing cotton candy with his boyfriend feels like a scene of his very own teenage romantic comedy. They might be cheesy as fuck right now, but Kyungsoo couldn’t be happier.

“It really just, like, melts in your mouth,” Jongin says with childlike excitement in his eyes.

Kyungsoo eyes him skeptically.

“What? I’ve never had this stuff before.”

“This is the first time you’ve had cotton candy? You’re like an alien.”

“Hey, you’ve never kissed anyone before me.”

Kyungsoo gasps. “I can’t believe you’re using that against me.”

He can barely finish his sentence before Jongin, having just taken another portion of the sticky sweet fluff into his mouth, throws his arm around his neck and pulls him close to kiss him passionately, the cotton candy melting on their tongues as they taste each other.

Kyungsoo wonders if his face has gone red. Jongin, of course, is smirking proudly to himself. Maybe it’s best not to tell him that that’s the only way he ever wants to eat cotton candy from now on, or that he feels a little hot and bothered right now.

It’s dark when they decide to sit outside a restaurant and share a bottle or two of soju.

“So do you guys actually come up with your own pornstar names or does the agency or your manager or producer or whoever do that?” Chanyeol asks, acting a lot more drunk than he can possibly be, as usual.

“I don’t even have one,” Sehun says.

“Why  _don’t_ you have one?” Minseok asks him skeptically.

Sehun shrugs. “Guess my name speaks for itself.”

“They gave mine to me. Kai seems like a pretty regular name in other countries, I don’t know why they chose it really.”

“It has many meanings in different languages. In thai for example I believe it means chicken, and knowing you, that’s quite fitting actually. Did you have chicken when you had your first meeting with Kris?”

“Probably,” Jongin shrugs.

“Is that why yours is chinese, Minseok? Because you like languages?”

“Yeah. It was originally a nickname my friends gave to me when I was studying in china.”

“Chicken. That’s an odd choice of name for a pornstar, it can’t be that, right?” Jongin contemplates.

“Surely there must be some kinks related to that,” Baekhyun murmurs into his glass.

Kyungsoo can barely hold in his laughter when he remembers the ridiculous pornstar descriptions and wonders if Jongin even has a clue about them. He pulls up the website and shows him.

Jongin’s jaw drops. “They wrote that about me!?”

That’s when Kyungsoo loses it. “That’s not even they worst one.”

The other boys fight over the phone while Kyungsoo is laughing so hard he can’t even speak.

“I know what your pornstar name would be,” Jongin tells him with a playful grin and a quirk of his eyebrow.

“What?”

“D.O.”

“What, because his last name is Do? That’s pretty lame, Jongin,” Baekhyun says.

“Nope. Not just that, but because his D makes all the boys go O,” Jongin can barely finish speaking before he laughs at his own dumb joke and Kyungsoo immediately joins in, leaning into Jongin’s shoulder.

“How much of a chance do you think there would be of him laughing at that if one of us had come up with that joke?” Baekhyun asks Chanyeol.

“Zero.”

“Yup.”

Jongin jumps up from his seat when ‘ _I wanna dance with somebody’_ starts playing.“Ooh I love this song!”

 _Oh no, not this again._ Kyungsoo really doesn’t like the way Jongin is looking at him right now. He tries to look away but then Jongin reaches out his hand to him.

“Kyungsoooo, come on,” he whines.

“No, no. Not today,” Kyungsoo says waving him off.

Suddenly Baekhyun gets up and starts belting out the chorus. Him and Jongin make eye contact and start dancing towards one another. Jongin doesn’t seem to know the lyrics, but Baekhyun sings loud enough for the both of them.

Kyungsoo facepalms in embarrassment. He looks at Chanyeol who is covering his mouth with his hand while Sehun and Xiumin clap excitedly.

Jongin and Baekhyun are now dancing back to back and shaking their hips. Kyungsoo squints heavily when his best friend slaps his boyfriend’s ass, who even seems to like it.

Luckily they call it quits after that and sit back down.

“You know sometimes I worry about your love for cringey 80s tunes.”

“Shut up, you love me,” Jongin says, tone provoking at first but then he begins to pout.

“Yeah, I do,” Kyungsoo sighs defenselessly and pecks him on the lips.

“You know what my pornstar name would be?” Chanyeol asks.

Everyone looks at him a little confused as to why he’s bringing up that topic again.

“Yeolzilla,” Chanyeol answers his own question, flashing the number ten with his hands.

They’re all silent, save for few quiet  _wow_ s at the implication.

“He’s exaggerating,” Baekhyun says. “A little,” he adds quietly.

They finish the bottle and call it a night. Kyungsoo even hugs Minseok and Sehun when they say their goodbyes instead of shaking their hands.

“So, how do you like my friends?” Jongin asks on the ride home.

“Don’t you mean  _our_ friends?” Kyungsoo corrects him. “They’re cool.”

“Look at you being all a-asocial?”

“What?”

“You told me it as asocial, not antisocial, remember?”

“The opposite of that would be social, you know?”

Jongin rolls his eyes. “Jeez, thanks for the lingo lesson. I just wanted you to know I remembered.”

“Everyone uses it the wrong way anyway, so it’s fine if you say antisocial. Literally now also means figuratively, because everyone literally uses it the wrong way,” Kyungsoo shrugs.

“Yeah, but isn’t that more like hyperbole?”

Chanyeol’s head suddenly appears between the two of them. “God, is this foreplay for you two nerds?”

Kyungsoo ignores him and pushes his face away.

Jongin and Chanyeol play-fight each other with the giant teddy and the minion once they’re off the bus.

“Dorks,” Kyungsoo chuckles, shaking his head.

“Kyungsoo,” Baekhyun begins, putting his arms around his shoulder. “My best friend.”

The other two are ahead of them, apparently now playing a game of catch that includes the bear as a monster. Or maybe the minion. Kyungsoo doesn’t know, really.

“What do you want?” Kyungsoo squints.

Baekhyun takes his arm away and clears his throat. “Advice.” He seems serious. And… genuine?

Kyungsoo waits for a sign that he’s joking, but it doesn’t come. “Huh?”

“Well, you and Jongin, you’ve had sex, right?”

“Yes.”

“What was your first time like? Was it good or bad or awkward or weird?”

“Where are you going with this, exactly?”

“Isn’t that kind of obvious?”

“No, because you’re making it sound like you two have just recently had your first time or you’re about to. And I mean, come one, you’ve been doing it for years.”

“No, we haven’t.” Baekhyun’s voice is quiet. “I mean we’ve done  _stuff_ , but never, you know.”

“Aww, you can’t even say it,” Kyungsoo laughs. How adorable.

“Shut up,” Baekhyun says to the ground.

“So you’re thinking tonight?”

“Yeah, maybe. He’s staying over at my place and my parents aren’t home.”

“Right. Well, at first it was hot, and then it got a little awkward, and then we talked for a while, because I was nervous and he was too, actually. And then it got heated again, and there was some more awkwardness, but then something really kind of took over and it was really amazing.”

“So, overall it was awkward, but good?”

“Yeah. Honestly, just communicate. If there’s something you’re nervous about, just talk about it, and let each other know what feels good and what doesn’t. It’s okay if it’s a little awkward. And use lube. Oh, and I don’t know what your preferences are, but if Chanyeol was serious earlier, you know, just in case, good luck.” He pats him on the back.

“Thank you.”

They walk in comfortable silence for a bit.

“I came out to my parents the other week.”

“Whoa, what?”

“My dad walked in on us kissing, so it wasn’t really by choice.”

“That makes more sense. What happened after that?”

“We talked. They were strangely supportive. I really didn’t expect that.”

“That’s good.”

“Yeah. You know what my dad said, though?”

“What?”

“He said if Jongin ever broke my heart, he’d break his legs.”

They look at each other and begin to laugh.

“Ah, finally. I’ve been waiting for someone to laugh with me about this.”

“Jongin didn’t find it funny?”

“Not so much.”

“Hah. I bet.”

“And then when he came over for dinner, my dad told him himself. It was so embarrassing, he gave him one of these,” Kyungsoo points his index and middle finger at his own eyes, then at Baekhyun.

“Aww, did Jongin cry?”

“No, but for a second there I was worried. It’s all good now, he’s gotten to know him enough not to be scared of him anymore.”

“Wait, so your mom knows too?”

“Yup.”

“Oh. Ohhh. See, that would have been good to know earlier.”

“Well, now you know.”

“Ah, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, I forgive you. But only because you’re my best friend.”

They exchange a smile and Kyungsoo nudges his shoulder before they catch up with the other two.

Baekhyun and Chanyeol seem awkward and shy around each other and Kyungsoo can basically feel the sexual tension between the two when they say their goodbyes.

Jongin walks down their street, but Kyungsoo stands still.

“What are you waiting for?”

“Hold on.” Kyungsoo waits until they’ve almost made it to the end of the street. “Have fun, you two,” he shouts after them. Baekhyun turns around and gives him a look.

Jongin grins at Kyungsoo knowingly. “Be safe!” He adds.

Ah, nothing like embarrassing your best friends.

“Well then,” Jongin says when they’re halfway to their houses. Almost sounds like a goodbye.

“What do you mean by that?”

“Tonight was really fun.”

“Are you blowing me off right now?”

“Kyungsoo, you know I have to get up early tomorrow.”

“So?”

“If you stay over you know we’re not going to sleep until like 3 a.m.”

“I can’t believe you gave me cotton candy flavored kisses and shook your hips in front of my face only to leave me high and dry.”

“I’ll make it up to you.”

“How?”

Jongin thinks for a moment. “I’ll give you a lapdance.” He almost looks too innocent clutching his teddy bear to be saying things like that, but Kyungsoo is intrigued.

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

“Pinky promise?”

Jongin answers by holding out his pinky. He kisses him goodnight after. “I love you.”

“Good night,” Kyungsoo says walking away. He knows Jongin is still standing there, waiting. But Kyungsoo has a plan. This night isn’t over yet.

Kyungsoo waits in his room, door locked, phone in hand, until the light turns on in Jongin’s room across from his. He dials Jongin’s number, puts the phone on speaker and lays it on the table before turning around.

_“Hello? Kyungsoo? What are you doing?”_

He’s watching. Perfect.

Kyungsoo stretches his arms over his head, then rubs the back of his neck. He undoes his pants and bends over as he takes them off, making sure to stick his ass out while doing so. He doesn’t know where it comes from, but he feels kind of sexy right now.

He picks up the phone from the table and turns towards Jongin. “So I’ve been thinking about what you said yesterday, about how I should experiment with myself more. You know how impatient I am, so talk me through it?” He sits down his chair and spreads his legs, his free hand hanging between his thighs.

Jongin takes a step back from the window and sits on his bed. There’s a mischievous look on his face.  _Challenge accepted._  “Think you can go without touching your cock?”

“I can try.”

“Put me back on speaker.”

“You can’t be too loud though, okay?” Kyungsoo says looking behind him at his door.

“I’m not the one you should be worried about being too loud here.”

Kyungsoo’s pretty sure his cock just jumped a little with excitement. He slips his fingers past his waistband, his lube ready on the table next to him.

“Uh uh, not yet. Touch yourself first. Touch your thighs. Touch them how you’d want me to touch them.”

Kyungsoo follows his instructions, rubbing and squeezing his thighs. He’s trying to take his time, but he’s already growing impatient.

“That’s good. Are you nice and hard?”

“Yeah.”

“Turn around.”

Kyungsoo gets on his knees on the chair, holding onto the headrest. He doesn’t need to be told what to do next. He tries to show off his ass as good as he can. Knowing how much Jongin loves it makes this a lot more fun. He takes off his boxers and continues as before. He spreads his cheeks and begins to feel a little silly and slightly embarrassed. He turns around again, wanting to see Jongin’s reactions to what he’s doing.

Jongin’s hand is stroking his own thigh now. He watches intently as Kyungsoo squeezes some lube on his finger. He leans back in his chair, propping one leg up on his table. “Please don’t laugh at me if I fall.”

Jongin chuckles. “Be careful.”

Once Kyungsoo’s found a somewhat comfortable position, he prods his finger against his hole.

“Take your time before you put it in.”

Kyungsoo circles his hole with his wet finger, occasionally rubbing and pressing against it. It feels weird not touching his cock, but he tries not to focus on that. He slips his finger past his rim when he feels he’s ready.

“Try to stay as relaxed as you can. You’re doing great.”

He takes a peek over at Jongin as he slowly thrusts his finger in and out of himself, to see his boyfriend’s hand has wandered to his crotch. It makes him want to keep going.

He adds a second finger and squeezes his balls in order not to touch his cock. He wants to touch himself so bad, it’s hard for him to sit still. “I don’t think I’ve ever had this much pre-come,” he says looking down at his stomach.

“You want to touch your cock, don’t you?”

“God, yes.”

“Go ahead, then.”

“I thought I wasn’t supposed to.”

“You’re at two fingers and you haven’t complained or grimaced once. That’s progress.”

Kyungsoo wraps his hand around his length and begins with slow strokes. He can’t help but moan as he throws his head back. “Fuck, that feels so good right now.” He looks over at Jongin who’s rubbing himself through his pants. “What are you waiting for? Touch yourself too, Jongin.”

Jongin doesn’t need to be told twice and pulls his length out, trying to match Kyungsoo’s pace as he touches himself.

Kyungsoo continues thrusting his fingers as he speeds up, imagining it was Jongin stretching him open. And he thinks he’s finally fucking found his prostate. He keeps hitting that spot inside him that feels good while stroking his cock faster.

“Are you making yourself feel good, baby?”

“Yeah, I’m close.” He feels sweat forming on his forehead and heat rising in his gut.

“Me too. Don’t stop.”

“Fuck.  _Fuck.”_ Kyungsoo comes harder than he has from touching himself in a long time, and it’s so overwhelming that he nearly does fall off his chair, but grasps on to the table just in time. If his heart wasn’t racing before, it sure is now.

“Shit, are you okay?” Jongin sounds half worried and half amused.

“Yeah, I’m good.” He’s still shaking. “Did you come?” He really hopes he didn’t just ruin it for him.

“Yup,” Jongin says, holding his soiled hand up as proof.

Once Kyungsoo has calmed down he hides behind his hands and laughs. He can hear Jongin joining in on the other line.

“I told you to be careful.”

“I didn’t think I’d come  _that_ hard.”

“So it was good?”

“Oh yeah. Sucks we can’t cuddle right now, huh?” he pouts.

“Kyungsooooo,” Jongin whines.

“I know, I know. I’ll stop bothering you now. Good night, babe.”

Jongin smiles apologetically. “Good night.”

Kyungsoo cleans up and puts his boxers back on. He walks towards the window and calls Jongin one more time. Jongin looks at him confused. “Yes?”

“I love you too,” Kyungsoo grins.

Jongin looks down, scrunches his nose and shakes his hand enough for his hair to hide half his face.

“You look so cute when you’re flustered,” Kyungsoo coos.

“Don’t ever leave me standing without saying it back again.”

"Wasn't all this worth it though?"

Jongin shakes his head.

“Alright. Go to bed now. And don’t think I’ve forgotten about that lapdance you promised me.”

“Hope you dream about it,” Jongin grins.

Kyungsoo hopes so too. He crosses his hands behind his head as he falls into bed. Today was a good day.


	18. Meet Me Halfway

Kyungsoo groans. He takes off his glasses and rubs his eyes, then checks the time. One more hour until his break. His eyes are sore. Not just from looking at a computer screen all day, but also from the amount of porn he’s had to watch.

Jongin helped him get a job as an editor at the studio he used to model for. Speak of the devil—

Kyungsoo’s phone vibrates in his pocket.

_Jongin: can’t wait to see you_

Kyungsoo smiles, but only until Jongin sends him a picture of himself with no shirt on, skin glistening with sweat, lips plush and kissable as ever and eyes that say ‘ _fuck me’._

He knows how much his boyfriend loves to be a flirty little shit, but he likes to pretend it doesn’t affect him as much as it does.

_Kyungsoo: same_

He tries to shift his focus back on his work. It’s kind of funny that the uncensored hardcore porn in front of him affects him the tiniest fraction of what a shirtless picture of Jongin does to him.

A few minutes later Jongin sends another picture, this time of his ass. Kyungsoo shouldn’t have commented on how good it looked in his new pants this morning. He tries not to smile, but fails.

_Kyungsoo: I hate you_

_Jongin: <3_

They meet halfway from school and work at a coffee shop.

“You know, when they hired me as an editor, I didn’t think it would include color-correcting buttholes for five hours straight,” Kyungsoo says, taking a sip from his coffee. He turns his head to the barista and the two tables next to them who have all started to stare. “What?”

Jongin ignores the stares. “That’s a thing?”

“Yeah, have you never noticed how different they look in the finished scene compared to when you were shooting?”

Jongin thinks for a moment. “Not really.”

“Great that I’m spending so much time on it then,” Kyungsoo says, annoyed.

“Hey, I’m sure someone out there appreciates all the work you’re putting into this.”

“Really? Who?”

“Pornstars, porn fans—,” Jongin pauses, unable to think of anyone else. “Kris,” he adds, sounding unsure.

Kyungsoo squints. “I bet he’s making me do this on purpose.”

“Ah, I can see it now. One day he’ll walk in while you’re editing and ask you if you wouldn’t rather be performing on camera.”

“I’m lowkey starting to consider it.” He looks at Jongin for a while. The other just looks down, stirring his latte with a spoon. Kyungsoo is curious. “Would you be jealous?”

It takes a moment for Jongin to meet his eyes. “If you did porn?”

Kyungsoo nods.

“You know I couldn’t be.”

“Sure you could.”

“Yeah, but… Do I really need to explain?”

“No, I get it.”

“Good.”

“But you still haven’t answered the question. Would you be jealous, yes or no?”

Kyungsoo can’t read Jongin’s expression. He’s not amused, but he doesn’t seem annoyed or mad either. Jongin breaks eye contact after a while to take a sip of his coffee. “Yes,” he mumbles into his cup.

Kyungsoo smiles to himself for a moment before changing the subject. “How’s school?”

“It’s—“ Jongin runs his fingers through his hair, combing it back as he struggles to find the right word. “demanding.”

“Good thing you know how to deliver.”

Jongin can’t help but grin at the compliment.

Kyungsoo looks at the time. “Ugh, thirty minutes until I have to go back. I think I’ll just start giving out gift certificates for free anal bleaching, maybe then I can do something more interesting. They shoot those artsy scenes sometimes, I bet those would be fun to edit.”

“You like those?”

“Yeah. It’s like the lighting technician and the director of photography actuallyknow what they’re doing for a change. That’s pretty rare in porn. And it just looks a lot more passionate. Did you ever do one of those scenes?”

“No.”

“Oh.” The jealous boyfriend side of Kyungsoo is relieved, the artist in him on the other hand disappointed. “Shame. You would have been stunning.”

They’re both too tired to keep up the conversation, so Kyungsoo ends up checking a few attendance rewards for games on his phone off. He feels Jongin’s foot nudge against his own under the table. He briefly looks up at him to exchange a quick smile before he focuses on his phone again. And there Jongin’s foot is again, playfully kicking Kyungsoo’s legs apart.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t—“ Kyungsoo says, gesturing to his phone and turning it off to give Jongin his undivided attention.

“No, it’s fine, don’t worry,” Jongin responds, now taking a look at his own phone.

There’s something in the look on his face, something in his voice, but Kyungsoo can’t put his finger on it, or put a name to it. Must be all the porn, he thinks.

“I’m going to the bathroom,” Jongin says as he gets up from his chair.

Kyungsoo nods, reading a text from Chanyeol about his plans for the weekend. Jongin is still standing in the same spot after a moment. Kyungsoo finally looks up at him.

It’s not an obvious smirk on Jongin’s lips, but Kyungsoo swears there’s something there. Or is there? Fuck, he doesn’t know. Why would he be flirting with him now anyway?  _Porn,_ Kyungsoo reminds himself. “It’s over there,” he says pointing towards the bathroom behind Jongin.

“I know.” Jongin stares at him for another moment before he turns around. He looks over his shoulder once on his way there, which makes Kyungsoo realize he hasn’t stopped staring at Jongin’s backside. And maybe that’s exactly what he wants.

Still unsure, Kyungsoo decides to wait a few minutes. He finishes his coffee and notices Jongin already finished his before leaving. He should go check on him. If this isn’t what he thinks it is, he can always say he had to go to the bathroom as well to save himself the embarrassment.

The bathroom is empty when Kyungsoo walks into it. He checks the stalls as well, all of which are unoccupied— all but one.

“Jongin?” He asks, gently pushing the unlocked door open a bit.

No answer.

Kyungsoo feels his cheeks getting red and decides to make a run for it, before whoever is in that stall can give him the weird look he probably deserves.

Before he can even realize what’s happening, he’s being pulled by the arm and finds himself in front of Jongin inside the cubicle.

“Took you long enough. I thought you’d never get the hint.”

“You know, you could have just said something.”

“Nah, this was way more fun,” Jongin says, pulling him in for a kiss. “Ever since you told me how good I look in these pants this morning I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you taking them off of me.” Jongin’s voice is low and sultry.

“I’ve been sat in front of porn all day, so I don’t know if I just fell asleep at work and this is a sex dream.”

“I don’t know, does this feel real to you?” Jongin asks, grabbing Kyungsoo’s ass, making his jaw drop in the process.

“Maybe you should do it again just to make sure,” Kyungsoo suggests, his crotch now pressed against Jongin’s as his lips hover above his own.

“Hmm okay,” Jongin smiles lazily, firmly squeezing both his cheeks this time as he grinds his hips upward, earning him a little moan from Kyungsoo.

His hands move to undo Jongin’s pants. Jongin gives a low chuckle along with a challenging smirk and Kyungsoo mentally curses him for enjoying this so much and being so damn sexy at it.

Kyungsoo’s palm rubs against Jongin’s boxers. He can feel him harden underneath his touch, can feel the pre-cum seeping through the fabric as Jongin leans his head back against the wall, humming at how good the friction feels, eyes fluttering shut.

His lips are parted as he looks at Kyungsoo with hooded eyes. The way he knows him, Jongin is well aware of how damn sensual he looks right now.

“You’re feeling confident today, huh?” Kyungsoo asks as he traces Jongin’s clothed length with his fingers.

“Certainly,” Jongin grins. “Problem?” He raises his eyebrows in a flirtatious manner.

“It just makes you too damn irresistible,” Kyungsoo admits shaking his head a little. He smiles to himself, knowing how much Jongin loves to hear it.

Jongin leans forward, letting his lips hover over Kyungsoo’s. “Say that again,” he demands in a husky voice.

Kyungsoo catches him by the chin with his thumb and index finger. “I said,” he begins, tilting Jongin’s head back, shifting closer to push him against the wall completely. “You’re so fucking irresistible,” he purrs, admiring the way it makes his boyfriend stir, evident by how his chest heaves. Kyungsoo leans in to whisper in his ear. “ _Kim_   _Jongin_.”

Jongin snaps and crashes his lips against Kyungsoo’s, the kiss wet and sloppy. He hooks his fingers in the belt loops of Kyungsoo’s jeans and pulls him closer in a quick, sharp motion that takes Kyungsoo by surprise and almost knocks the air from his lungs.

“ _Damn_ ,” Kyungsoo mutters once he gets the chance.

Jongin bites his lower lip, which in no way hides the huge grin on his face. He’s not any less forceful when he unzips Kyungsoo’s pants. He takes a deep breath once he can see the outline of his erection through his underwear. Kyungsoo loves the way Jongin stares at his crotch. He knows that’s his doing. And he’s majorly proud of it.

“That’s your fault,” Kyungsoo says as if it wasn’t already obvious to the both of them while poking a finger at Jongin’s stomach through his shirt.

“How naughty of me,” Jongin comments. He presses the palm of his hand against Kyungsoo’s length. He’s careful at first when he beings moving his hand in a circular motion. His touch grows firmer with every movement, and Kyungsoo wonders if he can feel his frustration growing, now that his own hand on Jongin’s crotch starts groping more firmly too. If they weren’t in a public restroom and he didn’t have to get back to his job, he wouldn’t mind them teasing each other like this a while longer.

Kyungsoo leans in to kiss him. Jongin’s free hand makes its way behind Kyungsoo to grab his ass. His other hand joins not long after that. Kyungsoo withdraws his hand from Jongin’s crotch, letting him push his hips forward to meet his own.

His hands slip under Jongin’s shirt, feeling the warmth of his skin. He hums into Jongin’s mouth with content at the frottage of their clothed lengths and the feeling of Jongin massaging his ass.

Kyungsoo can feel him smile against his lips before he flips their positions, pushing Kyungsoo’s back against the wall. He looks down as he continues to grind his bulge against Kyungsoo’s.

The visual of Jongin rolling his hips is arousing enough, so when Kyungsoo can feel his cock throbbing against his own, he can’t help but growl a little under his breath. Jongin gives him a quick naughty smirk at the sound, before pulling back Kyungsoo’s boxers enough to let his cock spring free.

He uses his fingers to collect some pre-come off of the head and strokes down to spread it across the shaft. His other hand moves to do the same to his own cock.

Once they’re both wet, Jongin presses their lengths together.  _What a fucking sight,_ Kyungsoo thinks.

Jongin experiments by stroking them a few times, then keeps his hand still to generate friction by only moving his hips. Taking one cock in each hand now, he nudges their tips against one other, watching how they stain each other with more pre-cum. He slicks them up as well as he can with it before he closes his hand around them again, with a much firmer grip this time and begins to stroke at a medium pace.

Kyungsoo inhales sharply through his teeth. “I take it you didn’t bring any lube?”

“No, sorry.”

Kyungsoo spits in his hand to substitute for the lack of lubricant and replaces Jongin’s hand around their cocks.

“Ah, that’s better,” Jongin mumbles against Kyungsoo’s lips before kissing them.

It all becomes a messy blur with both of their hands fumbling to take turns jerking their own and each other’s lengths, or sliding them together.

Jongin’s hand is around them both with his index finger in between them, their mouths just parting from a kiss when they suddenly hear someone come in.

Jongin covers Kyungsoo’s mouth with his free hand and being rude as he is, continues to stroke their cocks. Kyungsoo writhes against the wall and tries to signal Jongin with his eyes that he’s about to come. He gets the hint, but instead of slowing down, he smiles, tightens his grip and quickens the pace.

Kyungsoo wraps his hand around Jongin’s wrist, trying to get him to stop or at least slow down and uses his other hand to tickle him. Jongin flinches and suppresses a giggle, but keeps going nonetheless.

Kyungsoo presses the back of his head into the wall as his eyes flutter shut and he feels his orgasm hit him. His heart beats so fast and loud that he wonders if the stranger outside the stall is able to hear it.

As soon as Kyungsoo’s senses fully come back to him, he sees the smug look on Jongin’s face. He grabs Jongin’s hand tightly, making sure he keeps up the pace. His own dick may be sensitive as hell right now, but if he had to come like this, Jongin sure as fuck is going to have to as well. The fact that he’s basically using Kyungsoo’s come as lube now makes it all the more enjoyable for him, as he knows fair well how much Jongin gets off on that.

Jongin smiles at the ground, realizing he’s brought this on himself. He squeezes his eyes shut and bites down on his lip hard as he soils both their hands.

They’re out of breath and it’s nearly impossible for them not laugh when the stranger finally exits the room and they’re alone again.

“You dick,” Kyungsoo says, smiling as he leans back exhausted and pushes Jongin’s shoulder.

“You totally got turned on by the idea of getting caught,” Jongin chuckles.

“Shut up,” Kyungsoo mutters, trying not to laugh as he cleans their hands off with some toilet paper.

Jongin sighs happily and kisses him.

“You should go first, you’ve been in here longer than me. But before you do, I need to tell you something.” His expression turns serious and makes Jongin’s smile fades a little in return. “You’re a little shit and I hate you.”

Jongin laughs and hugs him, burying his face into his shoulder. “Take that back.”

“No.”

“Yes. Take it back.” He pouts and looks at him with puppy dog eyes.

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes and shakes his head slightly, a smile on the corner of his lips. Jongin knows he’s got him now.

“Say I’m cute.”

“You’re fucking adorable. Happy?”

“Very.” Jongin grins.

Kyungsoo kisses his cheek. “Go,” he says, slapping Jongin’s butt as he makes his way out.

He sighs as he hears the door shut. “I fucking love him,” he declares quietly to the empty room.

He can’t stop smiling.


End file.
